Haochi DC- The Delicious District Dish

Baked Portabella Mushrooms with Homemade Breadcrumb, Three Cheese, and Spinach Stuffing

2011-01-14T23:12:00.003Z

So its been almost a year. Afghanistan happened, and then I caught the exausted. I spent the last few months wondering how to explain what happened, and seeing no way, I froze. Deer in the headlights, toaster waffles instead of cooking, three nights a week of matzo-ball soup and my new local coffee shop FROZE.

So, after compiling months and months of half-written not so brilliant posts, I quit.

I disappeared. I am a bad blogger. It will take me some time to find my creativity, both for writing, cooking, and eating again, I know. And I am full of stories I want to share. Time will work them out.

For now, for the first time in months, I created. I made something that did not exist before, I created it in my little head. Its baking now, I have no idea whether it will be delicious or a total return-to-cooking fail. And I don't care. I cooked! I created! I made! Some little part of me is back, and I am rejoicing in it.

The oven is beeping at me, so I will make this quick:

Ingredients:
Olive Oil
Salt
Pepper
Spinach (3/4 of a big bunch)
Garlic (as much as you can stand)
Cardamom (1 tsp)
4 Portabella Mushroom Caps (save stems and scooped out insides for making Veggie broth some other time- they freeze fine!
Ricotta (1.5 cups)
Two other cheeses to taste (I used goat and Parmesan)
Butter
Egg
Homemade breadcrumbs (I make mine from a mix of white and wheat bread and cornflakes, which gives things a great complex, slightly sweet flavor)
Truffle Salt (not strictly necessary of course, but a fun addition)
Balsamic Vinegar

Coat mushrooms in olive oil, then salt and pepper to taste. Melt butter and cook garlic in a pan over medium heat until fragrant. Add spinach, torn up well, and cook until spinach is soft an shrunken. Mix spinach into cheeses, add a beaten egg, and stir well. Add about a cup of homemade breadcrumbs and mix well. Divide between the mushroom caps, heaping on top. Cook for 30 minutes at 350 degrees covered with foil in a medium baking pan. Turn heat up to 45 and cook for another 30 minutes. Then remove the foil and cook another 10 minutes, or until cheese is melted and golden on top.

Serve with a sprinkling of the truffle salt and some reduced balsamic....

Will let you know how it is!

Glad to be back.

Strike Busting: This Week's Garden Report, mid-July 2010

2010-07-16T08:42:00.004+01:00

The blooming schedule is totally out of whack now. Even the Shasta daisies are budding and looking to bloom in a week or so. They shouldn’t be starting till late august. There is without a doubt a conspiracy afoot out there. I think it could be something as innocent as like in Cool Hand Luke, a great movie, when the whole chain gang speeds up and finishes shoveling the sand on the road in a couple of hours so they can goof off for the rest of the day. I think the plants may have gotten together and decided that they would all shoot their wad early and then take the rest of the summer off. I’m at a loss of what to do about it. I could put one or two of the plants in the Box, but not all of them, not all at once.

Another possibility is the plants might be secretly organizing a union out there. If that’s the case I don’t know what to do. I’ve never been in management before. I’ve been a loyal union man since I was 10 yrs old and swore my allegiance to Boris Badenov and Local #12 of the Villains, Thieves and Scoundrels Union. I’ve participated in every boycott and job action I’ve ever run across. I still refuse to fly Eastern Airlines until they negotiate a contract with their gate workers. If the plants set up a picket line how can I but refuse to cross? How will I get in there to weed? How will I tell if what a plant picket line looks like? I actually think Lightning dog might have had an idea of what was going on for years. Every now and then he would go on a rampage through the daylilies. My own little, personal, union busting, Pinkertons Agent. God I miss him! I really should have listened to him more; he was way more tuned in on what was going on out there than I ever was. I suspect the daylilies are behind various nefarious schemes out there. If the Daylilies are behind all of it though, they have made a tactical error by blooming so early. They have shot their wad already, so this morning I cut ‘em all down. They aren’t going to get much of a following now. That plus the weather is starting to normalize a little now. The rains have been drying up and it won’t take long for the plants to remember who controls the garden hose.

The battle between the Daisies and the unidentified sedum is still raging. The mutant Kudzu/Clematis let go of it’s trellis and has joined the fray. I went in there to clean out the dead flower stalks from the Daisies last week and found a bunch of Tickseed somehow managed to creep into the fight. There were even some Mums under there. Mums are some of the most docile, laid back plant you can find, so they must be having fun back there. It’s turning into quite a melee. I really should be filming it.

Meantime the Tickseed and Creeping Sedum match-up seems to be drawing to a conclusion. I guess I’m going to have to call it a draw. The tickseed is just growing straight up now and the Creeping Sedum is just creeping around below. They seem to have settled their differences and decided to coexist in peace for a while.

The Bastille Day celebration has been canceled this year. Nobody cared.

Coming up in next weeks Garden Report:

Mosquitoes must die!!

Harbingers of Genocide: This week's Garden Report, July 4th 2010

2010-07-02T07:27:00.002+01:00

This weeks fight match up was totally unexpected. The daisies and some type of Sedum I acquired somewhere have been living side by side since the garden reorganization last spring. Apparently the unidentified Sedum was just waiting for its chance. After the daises exhausted themselves on a fabulous blooming season and Hammerdogs constant snacking on them (he says they taste like toads, I’ll take his word for it), the unidentified Sedum smelled weakness and went on the attack. It’s been quite a brawl out there all week. The unidentified Sedum quickly gained the upper hand but my Daises are starting to show their stuff. Never bet against the Daisies!

Hammerdog's bragging about his prowess at hunting toads has got him in trouble. This week all the toads disappeared just as suddenly as they appeared. I suspect the mosquitoes carried them off. The squirrels, however are accusing Hammerdog of genocide. I think the squirrels are just using the situation as an excuse to get Hammerdog to back off chasing them. He is starting to get real close to catching them. Today whilst I was mowing the lawn I saw him sneak up on one. The squirrel didn’t see him coming till the last second and it was out in the open. It was quite a chase. I now know why they have that big bushy tail. It’s a pretty good adaptation. Hammerdog was within inches of catching this fuzzy tailed rat when the squirrel sticks its tail up in the air to get Hammerdog's attention, then flips its tail to the left while it breaks to the right, like a basketball player throwing a head fake. Hammerdog broke left and almost fell on his face while the squirrel got away. He missed him by a whisker. Then the little vermin just sits on the fence, just out of range and chattered at the dog. Hammerdog was going nuts. He just needs a little patience; it’s just a matter of time before he figures out how to catch them. It will save me the cost of a BB gun.

The dogs have been claiming they’ve seen some Chipmunks out there for a couple of weeks now. I’m beginning to think though that they are just trying to trick me into setting the live trap so I might catch a squirrel instead and save them the trouble. Stelladog always has been pretty lazy and now I think that Hammerdog is getting a little too comfortable around here too. He has been getting a little thick around the middle as of late. He really likes the AC. The squirrels are now beginning to refer to him as the big round hound. He doesn’t like it!

Lilly-fest is going strong as I write. It appears the Ditch lillies and Asiatic lillies collaborated this year to bloom at the same time. Usually the ditch lillies start after the Asiatic lillies finish their show, well into July. I like this new arrangement much better. It might leave a slight gap in the blooming schedule, but I think it is worth it.

Actually, I think all the plants are in cahoots this year, scheduling their blooming times. All the Hostas are showing off, almost a month early, but I think that’s just them bragging about beating up on Charlie. The Bee balm and Rose Mallow are in their full glory almost a month early. Almost everything is blooming at least 2 weeks earlier than normal. At first I thought it was because of all the rain and a hotter than normal spring, but now I’m suspecting there might be a conspiracy afoot. It is awful hard to stay pissed though when you look at the results. Next year however I will write out a blooming schedule first thing in spring and I’m going to enforce it! With my lawnmower!

I have some new heroes out in the garden this year. The Sparrows. They have for years been enjoying the free housing I have provided. The dogs have always provided security for them. The houses 3 each on 3 poles, 10 feet up attached to the fence in the middle of the yard. The squirrels don’t like being out in the open out there with Hammerdog and Stelladog on our side of the fence and Lucydog on the other side. Plus, from the air you have the Hawks checking out the situation, making the squirrels very nervous. These are probably some of the safest Sparrows around. It is a hoot to watch them. Sparrows are not monogamous! They are always raiding each other’s nest. They are making it with their neighbors partner as often as possible. Fighting, stealing food and nesting material, dog fur being a favorite. Ya gotta love ‘em. There is one male I saw today, he landed on the top house, serviced that female, jumped down and did the next and the next, then hopped over to the next pole and started all over. All within about 3 minutes! What a man!

The birdhouses are starting to fall apart though. They are starting to resemble a trailer park on a stick. I’m torn about what to do about it. I could easily replace them but the birds seem more active and happy the more their habitats deteriorate. I’m an avian slumlord.

Coming up in next weeks Garden Report:

Tickseed / Creeping Sedum match up; everything it was expected to be and more!

Mutant Kudzu/Clematis joins the Daisy / Unidentified sedum fray.

The delivery of Battlestar Galactica turns out to be an insidious blow to garden maintenance. Entire system nears collapse!

Garden Fight Club: This Week's Garden Report, June 2010

2010-06-26T05:46:00.001+01:00

Hammerdog found out why that tree in the back of my yard is called a Hawthorn not just a Haw. He found a branch that got knocked down and figured he was going to have himself a nice little chew. I have never heard a dog let out a scream like he let loose! He even sent Stelladog off running and cowering. All the squirrels had a good laugh. I think they might have planted that branch just to be mean. I’m buying a BB gun.

I’ve started doing some midnight mining in Wayne’s yard. I’ve needed lotsa good topsoil for the improvements I’ve been making. Luckily, I can just dig it up from my neighbors yard. He’s got some good black dirt back there. All I got to do is throw the weeds back over the holes when I’m done and you can’t tell. Some of the holes are getting pretty deep. I think I might be able to start trapping some of those Jr. High kids that cut across our yards.

Daisy season is just about finished. What a show they put on this year! They are definitely leading in the Most Valuable Plant competition at this point. Plus Hammerdog has taken a liking to the Daisy flowers. He eats them like potato chips.

The Astilbes have made a remarkable comeback. They are in full bloom right now. Astilbes are cool if you look at them from the top. Ours are right below the porch so when you look down at them they look like little starbursts or what fireworks must look like from an airplane. I was happy with their comeback because it was my error that caused them so much grief. As coach of this garden team I’ve got to be more aware of which players are compatible. Tickseed and Astible should not be in the same lineup! When I tore the shed down I had a whole bunch of Tickseed I had to do something with. Well I figured it would fill in nicely around the bottoms of the Astible. What a mistake! I never knew Tickseed was such a vicious plant or that the Astilbes were so defenseless. As soon as planted the Tickseed went on the attack. They instantly wrapped around the Astilbe and started to choke ‘em. I intervened just in the nick of time. I put the Tickseed in with the Creeping Sedum. They don’t get along either but it’s a fairer fight. Creeping Sedum don’t take no shit from nobody.

There is an upside to the whole affair though. I ‘m going to look into filming plant fights. There must be some way of filming it then speeding it up. Plants are pretty mean to each other at times. The only thing holding me back is figuring out a way to get some suckers to place bets on the fights. There are so many cable channels now there must be one that would be willing to broadcast it. There has to be a demand for plant fights now that dog fighting and cock fighting are illegal just about everywhere.

I caught a bunch of Hostas hiding out behind the Forsythia bushes. I’m pretty sure they were trying to make their way to Canada. Their progress was slow but they were on their way no doubt! I took the lawn mower to ‘em. An example had to be made.

The borders of the garden are slowly coming under control. The southern frontier is in total lock down. The hostas I deployed seem to have complete control of the situation. Last month I got some weed and feed and accidentally sprayed about a10-15 ft. no weed zone into my northern neighbors yard. Looks pretty good. Waynes yard is slowly coming under control with a healthy application of Roundup and my midnight mining operation over there. I just might turn my mining operation into a moat. That could solve a couple of problems.

All my border security schemes are beginning to show results. My yard is remarkably weed free for this late into the season. The only hole in my defenses is Bill & Harriets yard. It is loaded with Creeping Charlie. Anything I do in my yard is futile until I can stop the infiltration of Charlie from their yard, I thought the old farts woulda dropped dead by now, but they keep hanging on and they keep a pretty close eye on me, for some reason they don’t seem to trust me. I have not had an opportunity to do any guerilla gardening over there. I can now begin understand how Nixon and Westmoreland musta felt like during the Vietnam War when they had to fight the war in South Vietnam and watch the bad guys just scamper over the Cambodian, Laotian and North Vietnamese border every time we got close to whippin’ ‘em. At least they had B-52’s. I wish I had a couple of B-52’s to play with. There’s a buncha problems I could solve, or vaporize with a couple a B-52’s.

Coming up in next weeks Garden Report:

Hammerdog accused of genocide.

Hawks gone missing, chipmunk sightings reported.

Lilly fest begins.

Toad the Wet Sprocket: This Week's Garden Report, Late May 2010

2010-05-29T00:43:00.003+01:00

The big news this week is the plague of toads. They showed up right after I installed the Hostas I got from Reber. They are everywhere! I hope this ain’t some kinda Biblical stuff going on. Typical, ya let in some religious refugees, ya try to be a nice guy and right away they want to convert you and all the other plants. I might have to take the lawn mower to ‘em!

The upside of the Toads is Hammerdog can catch them. It’s a hoot to watch. When they hop it catches his eye, he will dash over to where it landed and just stare until it moves again. He will stand there and stare at the lawn until he sees another one move or the first one is dumb enough to hop again. He has caught a couple of them. He doesn’t quite know what to do with them once he catches them. He doesn’t want to eat them but after he has caught them they ain’t worth much anymore. He’ll put them down and wait for them to start playing again but they never do. He doesn’t understand. However, he does insist on being called Toadslayer for now on. It hasn’t stopped the squirrels from teasing him.

Spring is a wonderful time in the garden. Spring makes gardening virtually idiot proof. The weather is nice and cool, no bugs yet, lotsa rain. All the plants still have a good attitude; they’re not all stressed out yet from heat, drought and bugs. They have nothing to fear but me and my lawnmower.

There are some candidates for plant of the year already. The daisies are blooming now and are putting on a show! They came in so thick and spread so much this year I was able to dig up some volunteers for Mr. Rebers church sale. They were already in full bloom and were big sellers. People like instant gratification. Their only drawback is they will be done blooming by the end of July and come time to vote they will have been forgotten about. Another early candidate is the Bleeding Heart . That plant comes to play every spring no matter what. I wish all my plants had that attitude.

The only candidate for rookie of the year already took puke. I picked up a Trumpet vine at Meier’s, it didn’t last a week. Oh well.

I tried my home brew lawn food out front it seems to work pretty well. It’s just a mixture of beer, ammonia, molasses, and dish soap and toad urine. I suppose it could just be placebo effect. I wonder if anyone has done a study on placebo effect in plants? I oughta check out if I could get a government grant to conduct a study on that. I could milk it for years!

Coming up in next weeks Garden report;

Midnight mining in Waynes yard

Are all Astilbes gay?

Sympathy for Richard Nixon

Wei renmen fu wu: This week's Garden report - May 2010

2010-05-03T07:48:00.001+01:00

This years Mayday parade was once again a huge bust. The plants just refuse to cooperate! Every year I get dressed up in my Dear Leader outfit, stand up on the edge of the deck and nothing, no parade! This year, no more mister nice-guy! Today I’m starting a major weeding campaign out there and there is likely to be considerable collateral damage. I don’t have to put up with this kinda disrespect!

A couple of Redtail Hawks have taken up residence in the neighborhood. The squirrel population has plummeted and the Chipmunks have totally disappeared. I think that yappy little toy poodle next door could be coming up on the menu soon. I hope so. So you can quit worrying about Chipmunks being shipped your way. It’s a huge relief to me because I suspect shipping Chipmunks to Afghanistan would have been incredibly expensive. I’m kinda hoping now that the squirrels are looking up watching for Hawks all the time, the dogs will be able to sneak up on them. I don’t think Stelladog gives a rat’s ass about Chipmunks or Squirrels, but I think it would help Hammerdogs self esteem big time if he could catch one. I think they tease him an awful lot out there.

My master plan of sealing off the perimeter of the yard with Hostas had a couple of major boosts this week. A census that was taken early this spring discovered some major featherbedding going on out there. There was a whole bunch of the filthy cowards were huddling under the Hawthorne tree avoiding border duty. They claimed they were needed to protect the Hawthorn tree from unspecified dangers. After a stern lecture I was able to dig up enough volunteers to finish the entire southern frontier and still maintain a reserve force for any emergencies that might arise. A second large bunch of volunteers came forth from Rebers yard across the street. There have been rumors of trouble brewing over there for quite a while. Word is he is some kind of religious nut. I don’t really care about religion in my yard. In my yard there is no rules about keeping the Sabbath. No mandatory Bible studies. No dietary laws. In my yard if you can catch it, you can eat it. Whatever the problem was they are welcome here. They were immediately pressed into service on the northern frontier. They seem content over there.

Disaster struck the garden last week when a series of mini-tornadoes ripped the roofs off the sparrow houses. It looks like a mini New Orleans out there. All those poor little sparrows perched on the wall where their roofs used to be. I immediately applied to F.E.M.A. for disaster relief but was refused! Those no good government bureaucrats insist there were no tornadoes in our area at the time in question. Luckily, Sarah Palin and the Tea Party people are coming to town next week, I’ll be joining them. I think it’s high time the government keeps its fingers out of my government handouts!!

Next weeks Garden Report:

Coaches faulted for Tickseed and Astilbe problems.

Video plant fights for those who miss dogfights.

Chipmunks are Terrorists- This Week's Garden Report, Apr 2010

2010-04-26T06:26:00.002+01:00

The species cleansing of the garden seemed to be a success last fall. The chipmunk population appeared to have been completely relocated to Lippold Park. Now there have been new sightings. Worse yet they appear to have made an unholy alliance with the Creeping Charlie. Last fall Charlie was all but beat; I had successfully closed off the entire perimeter with various plantings and landscaping stones. Now Charlie is gone from all the edges of the yard but keeps popping up in the middle of the lawn. The only thing I can figure is the chipmunks are tunneling in and Charlie’s coming along for the ride. I don’t know what advantage either party gets from such a sinister scheme, I think it has become personal. To think all those years I cheered on Chip and Dale in their skirmishes with Donald Duck. Now I know Donald was right all along. You just can’t depend on cartoons to give you the whole story! Half my education, right out the window.

Last years program was to capture and then parole them with the understanding that they would stay in Lippold Park. They apparently are violating the agreement. It’s about two miles and a major five lane high way they have to cross but the little terrorists are making it back somehow. I feel I have only two choices, I can go over to Wal-mart and buy a BB gun or now that I have a connection in Afghanistan, I might start shipping them over there, I’d like to see them make it back from there! So be careful when opening your packages, they will probably be pretty hungry by the time they get to you. Turn them loose on the Taliban when you get them, they deserve each other.

Otherwise things are going very well in the garden. All the transplants of last summer came back. Some are a little banged up, they remind me of myself waking up with a hangover not knowing where the hell I am. Some seem to really like their new digs. The Azalea that was being tormented by the mutant Clematis is doing spectacular. It is blooming like it did when I first installed it 20 years ago. The mutant Clematis wasn’t too happy with the move, not having its usual victim to bully. I planted it amongst the Daisies. The Daisies are tough. If you ever need a flower to back you up in a fight, go with Daisies. They’re way tougher than they look.

I had a long talk with the Crabapple tree last fall. I let it be known I was not happy with its performance the last couple of years. Boy what a difference a year makes. There are flowers bursting out of every available twig and branch. There are even flowers coming straight out of the trunk. I also think it helped to move my workbench in the garage so the tree could see me sharpening my ax through the window.

Next week I’m trying a home brew lawn food. It involves beer so it just might work. Of course it might just give the Chipmunks another reason to hang around. I better give it some more thought.

Crocus Explosion: This Week's Garden Report- Mar 2010

2010-03-31T18:35:00.000+01:00

The glaciers have finally receded and about 20 metric tons of dog shit has been removed. It’s time to start the spring campaign.

The spring started with a pleasant surprise when the Snow Crocus rose up in an overwhelming hoard and occupied the front lawn for about two weeks. I had given up on the Crocus a couple of years ago. Last year I even started using weed & feed on the front lawn again, figuring the Crocus idea was a bust. I think I must have just pissed the little devils off!

With any good news comes some bad. The gutters, on the north side of the house, were clogged with leaves. I cannot tolerate that! I do not want to be dragging out the extension ladder every time some stupid tree can’t refrain from littering. Sentence has been passed and the execution will be scheduled as soon as all appeals are heard and ignored. Texas style justice!

Getting a jump on the season I have transplanted the two white pines I had growing on the fence between the Mexican border and us. I planted them there two or three years ago just to see how fast they grow. They have passed the test and are now on the side of the house and I hope they will grow into a nice screen between us and or northern neighbors. I’m tired of lookin’ at ‘em.

The annual campaign against creeping Charlie has started. Just today I went chemical on ‘em. This year I’ve developed my own brew. I hope the early start has Charlie on the run before it has a chance to get a foothold. Charlie must die!!

The squirrels have built a nest in the Hawthorn tree in the middle of the back yard. These squirrels are either very stupid or they have no respect for our dogs. I know if Lightning dog was still around, the fuzzy tailed rats would show a little more respect. I am afraid though that they are right in thinking that neither dog is clever enough to catch them.

Being Racist Helps Find the Deliciousness

2010-03-07T10:22:00.003Z

So the adventure has begun, and I am here lingering at Camp As Saylayiah in Qatar waiting for transport into Bagram, to eventually make my way up to the North of Afghaistan. The next six months will be sans-cooking (not sure how I am going to relieve the stress if I can't knead!). I don't have high expectations for most of the food I will encounter, as it is all mass-produced military food, but perhaps there might be a few interesting posts to squeeze out as it will be GERMAN mass-produced military food, which should at least be different, if not good. And I will have to find a way to sneak into the Norwegian Camp- I bet there is smoked fish there!

Anyway, here on base in Qatar, I am soaking up my last opportunities to eat some awful American food. I hit up the base Chili's on day one, as two of my favorite things about America are fried cheese and free refills. Of course both of those are just behind frequent liberal use of deodorant. Well, maybe not free refills. I can tolerate a lot of stink with an unlimited supply of diet coke. Today I was hunting around for something, and rejected the guaranteed stale awful hamburgers from the fake little restaurants here in R&R-ville (the USO club). But then something struck me on the menu- Chicken Tikka Masala. So much staple on any British menu it is not even seen as ethnic there, Indian food is unusual on a menu in a non-Indian restaurant in the US. And US military bases take whatever international and cultural savvy one would expect in America and dial it back about 50%. Which is not good. So I was surprised to see this. But then I looked at the staff. All Indian. In fact, I think all of Qatar is staffed by Indians and Filipinos. Qatar can't be bothered to develop labor skills internally, as the oil boom that pays for lavish lifestyles is sure to last forever. Right?

Anyway, this drew my attention to an eating strategy I have long adhered to, and never thought much about. If the staff of a place is a certain ethnicity, and there are one-off items on the menu of that ethnicity, I order those things. Chances are, they are there because its something the staff takes particular pride in making, or something they themselves want to eat. This of course involves making some superficial ethnic judgments . I have gone with "Asian men wearing suits in inappropriate circumstances (like cooking in the kitchen of a diner) are likely Chinese" as a reason for ordering Mapo Dofu, one of my favorite real Chinese dishes (I actually hate most real Chinese food- give me General Tso's any day- but mapo dofu is one of the exceptions). This isn't always a great strategy, but usually even if you aren't exactly right, close enough is good. Pakistani cooks make some bad-ass Indian food too. Plus they use more meat. One of the best Butter Chicken's I have ever had comes from a mini-mart/deli in Friendship heights called Friendship Gourmet Market. Strolled in one day, and saw a pan of delicious looking Indian food amidst all the deli staples. Took a look at the staff and decided that this might be a winner. It was. I still dream about that Chicken sometimes.

The result of this strategy is that I often sound like a huge racist. Broad cultural generalizations followed with preachy appreciation of various national dishes makes you sound like a douche. But it also has a high statistical correlation with getting tasty tasty food in an otherwise mediocre establishment. In other words, an ethnic correlation does not automatically translate to the best possible type of a dish, but it does help one find something palatable in a situation where expectations are otherwise low.

The Chicken Tikka? Delicious. Far from the best I have ever had, but waaaay better than anything else on the menu. Thanks third-country nationals for bringing something better than Popeyes to our troops overseas :-) Yea. I'm a douche. But not a hungry one!

This Week's Garden Report- February 2010

2010-02-04T02:56:00.002Z

Well it’s groundhog day. This being a low budget operation, we don’t have a groundhog. We do however have a ceramic garden turtle that just melted out of a snow bank. All he saw though the melting snow was the devastation caused by a high yield nuclear dogshit bomb that was exploded over the winter. I might have to move.
There is still a foot of snow on the ground so it’s hard to get a reading on the condition of the garden. The fences that were put up to keep the dog out of the bushes proved ineffective. When the snow got 3 feet deep she just walked right over them, dug down to the dirt and started excavating the frozen ground. I don’t know why she is expending all this effort. I think she just wants to secure a ready supply of mud to track into the house as soon as the thaw comes.
Well I couldn’t think of much else to expound upon. This isn’t exactly the busy season in the garden. I went to bed last night figuring that some great thoughts might come to me in my sleep, no such luck. However it did snow about 3 more inches and that takes care of the dogshit problem for a while. Winter sucks, but if you think about it, winter is like Gods gift to procrastinators. You always have an excuse to put stuff off. Too much snow, to cold, too much dogshit. You can always find an excuse in winter.
I’m going back to bed to enjoy the season.

Groupon Etiquette

2010-01-08T01:05:00.007Z

So I am addicted to Groupons. In case you have somehow escaped my overly aggressive efforts at getting you to eat dinner at an inconveniently located restaurant with food you are not in the mood for, let me share a little bit about Groupons.

Each day, Groupon posts a deal for a local business (most often restaurants or spas, but have included gym memberships, hardware stores, and pet sitting- all the things the young yuppie loves). Living Social has essentially the same thing. I am signed up for both, and can't get enough. $30 for $60 to spend somewhere new and tasty is just too good of a deal to pass up. Unfortunately, I have trouble controlling my enthusiasm. I have bought groupons for just about every spa service offered for 50% off or more. This has resulted in a wide variety of uncoordinated facials with technicians who were utterly confused about what the real deal with my skin was since someone from some other salon just treated me a week ago. I bought one for Mourayo because I thought it sounded like sushi. Turns out its an unremarkable Greek place in Dupont that I can't get anyone to eat at with me. I signed up for Kayak lessons this summer. Too bad I will be in Afghanistan.

The coming of Groupons to the DC social scene has given rise to new etiquette questions. I have posted a few and my thinking below.

Dilemma #1: My friend and I have dinner plans, and we both have Groupons for different places that we want to use. Who wins?

Answer: I am inclined to say the person who's Groupon expires first. If you were clever enough to get one with an expiration a few months out (and are not going to Central Asia for six months in a few weeks as I am), then the person who is most broke and needing to rely on the prepaid groupon wins. However, if someone accepts your Groupon choice after a Groupon duel, you automatically incur an obligation to return the Groupon engagement in the very near future at the other Groupon location.

Dilemma #2: We both have Groupons for the same place, bought independently, and cannot combine them (many groupons are 'one-per-table'). What do we do?

Answer: Go somewhere else. Save your Groupon for another time. Alternatively, make separate reservations and bring two other people with you. Then 'run into' each other accidentally after appetizers are ordered and your Groupon intent is already declared to the waiter, and move together. Of course this is kind of an a-hole thing to do. And weird for the other two people. A move only for the truly desperate.

Dilemma #3: Can I use a Groupon on a date?

Answer: Yes. If your date can't appreciate your thriftiness, how do you think he will react to your many other embarrassing qualities? Mind you, I am typing this while laying around in a red onesie. I have many of those qualities. And I am not even that thrifty.

Dilemma #4: If we are splitting the check, and one of us has a Groupon, how do we divide up costs? Does the person contributing the Groupon get credit for the paid value, and we split the bonus savings, or do they get credit for the entire value of the Groupon?

Answer: This is a hard one. I have had dinner partners that assumed we were sharing, and ones that assumed I got the whole value for myself. Last night, I brought this up while dining at Policy with a friend. His take was that it was all mine. Of course, he is also a Groupon user, and I am sure it will come out even in the end (I now have an obligation to help him out with his Russia House Groupon- see #1). A German friend of mine assumed we were sharing my Groupon for Mie N Yu. Of course she is German. I have had Germans ask for $1.50 off the tab of a group of 30 because they didn't get a soda. I thus am less inclined to use her standard. So the answer? With Germans, you share, figuring out everyone's relative contribution down to the penny. With everyone else, its all yours, but make a good effort to return the consideration the next meal.

Dilemma #5: Why aren't there more Sushi Groupons?

Answer: As it is, I have trouble using groupons because every time I get myself together to go out and use a groupon, I wind up thinking that I would just rather have sushi. The sushi industry does not need Groupon's help- I am keeping it afloat in these hard times. If there were sushi groupons, I would need a speedy mercury poisoning antidote pretty quickly. Perhaps its for the best.

Worst. Blogger. Ever.

2009-12-20T17:05:00.003Z

I haven't cooked in two months. I mean, I have reheated some things, but I haven't made something in months. I just got a new job, and have found myself professionally inspired for the first time in years. Which has somehow dramatically reduced my need to be personally inspired. Since my primary creative outlet all these years has been food- well, there has been alot of pizza and sushi recently.

Of course thats the reflective artist explanation. The other, more common reasoning (and the one I think most people resort to, but I kinda think is bullshit) is that I haven't had time. Working a ton to get ready for a China visit, and then traveling, leaves little space for shopping and cooking. Why is this bullshit? Because I have made cookies at 2am when I have been busier. Its no different that people who (quite mind-blowingly from my perspective) claim working out helps them burn off stress, get a grip on life, etc., and looking judgingly at the rest of us who prefer root-canals to long runs through the park in Dec.

I think I, like many people, have a bad tendency to claim that I don't have time to do things, when what I really mean is that I don't have enough passion to do them. Now I don't think this means I should suck it up and do them anyway. I just think it means that we as a society are pretty crappy at knowing how busy we really are, and, even more dangerous, knowing how we really feel about the things we undertake.

Well, I am currently waiting out the snow, hoping to get back to DC. Once there, I sure hope the passion comes back. Till then.......

Hooray Poor Impulse Control- Dark Chocolate Thin Mint Cheesecake

2009-10-04T00:59:00.009+01:00

You know something's good when you are checking to see if it's done every five minutes just so you can lick the knife. Especially when there is a consuming craving it's answering.

Yea, I crave. Its a big part of the reason I am good at whatever it is I am good at. I am usually not the most emotional person in the world (or so say legions of my ex-boyfriends), but I can derive a tremendous amount of passion from craving. Much of the skill I have in life is traceable directly to a lack of patience and some sort of slightly demented superman complex. The thought process is something like: 'I can't stand waiting, and why should I have to, I can do this better and quicker myself. I want x now, badly.'

This has unsurprisingly led me down a road littered with a variety of potentially poor/hazardous/certifiable decisions. The funny thing is, despite every public service announcement and self-help book out there telling me that this will get me nowhere, that I just need to work hard and love myself and keep slugging, somehow it is the violent, passionate, often irrational acts of an impatient soul craving something (sex, money, Kröllebölle, experience, Sushi, love, a trip to Indonesia, to name a few) that have led to the best experiences of my life. A big part of that is enjoyment of even the failures, and appreciation of the idea that the more colossal and passionate the failure, the more interesting it makes me. Who knows. Maybe I am just a lazy spoiled girl who has been cut a few breaks. Who cares. I am happy!

Today, after the return of my boyfriend from a few weeks abroad answered one craving, my mind was clear and poised for another. The boyfriend was trying to describe some delicious chocolate dessert he had in Copenhagen last week, and was at a loss for the name. Like any good children of the internet, we immediately began google image searching 'chocolate dessert'. Well, for a hungry girl looking for a craving, this ended predictably. Three pages of delicious looking things later, I 'needed' chocolate cheesecake. Not the fancy, delicate, complicated gourmet kind, but a giant, sour, huge slice of real New-York Cheesecake.

A brief search of my own records reminded me that I didn't have a 'go-to' recipe. I had some that were good, but nothing that was really 'it'. Years of living in Asia and being served fruit-ganache-cream covered glorified egg tarts masquerading as cheesecake left me with fairly low standards, and I had previous just settled for anything happily not durian flavored. Determined to do better this time, I went hunting.

I found this Emeril recipe on food network (yea, I know, I hate the celebrity chef thing too, but if there is anything that a dude who cooks for the psydo-pretentious masses might get right, cheesecake could be it). It provided a good amount of guidance as to proportions, but I wanted something a little more. Mint. Most recipes out there that add mint to the mix do so through creme-de-menthe; however, the alcohol changes the texture and rising of the cheesecake. I am not a fan. I don't even use vanilla extract in cheesecake for the same reason. I did, however, remember the second box of Girl Scout Thin Mint cookies sitting in my freezer. Having had some fantastic success at making ice cream out of them, I thought, why not work up a whole line of deliciousness based off of these bestest cookies ever, and break up a bunch and use them like Oreos in the cheesecake? Easy!

I wanted to give the cheesecake itself a little hint of mint as well, however, and was at a loss for how to go about that. Until I saw a York Peppermint Pattie at the supermarket checkout. Perfect! Melted into the chocolate, the Peppermint Pattie was just the right hint of mint.

------Aside- they do give you a weird look when you checkout with only two pounds of cream cheese and a Peppermint Pattie. Like that's more strange that the dude with six boxes of Tampons and a bottle of cherries that was in front of me in line. Whatever. Maybe the checkout lady thought we were together. I shudder.

Cheesecakes are super easy, although they need to refrigerate a few hours before serving, so plan accordingly! Much of below is adopted from the original, with a few significant changes.

Ingrediants:
6 Graham Crackers
1 cup plus 3 tablespoons sugar
1 stick butter
2 1/2 (8-ounce) packages cream cheese
Seeds from 1 vanilla bean (scraped from inside of pod)
3 tablespoons all-purpose flour
1 cup sour cream
8 ounces melted semisweet chocolate, cooled slightly
1 full-size York Peppermint Pattie, melted into the chocolate
3 eggs
1 tube of Thin Mints (12 or so, to taste)

Directions

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (if using a silver springform pan, or 325 degrees F if using a dark nonstick springform pan).

Lightly grease the bottom and sides of a 9-inch spring-form pan. In a food processer, combine the graham cracker crumbs, 3 tablespoons of the sugar, and the butter until well mixed and shapable (sticks together). Press onto the bottom of springform pan and set aside. You can use chocolate graham crackers, or any other dry cookie here too.

In a large mixing bowl with an electric mixer, combine cream cheese, remaining cup of sugar, and vanilla bean seeds and beat until light and creamy. Add the flour to the cream cheese mixture and beat until smooth. Add the melted chocolate and peppermint pattie and sour cream and mix well. Add the eggs, 1 at a time, mixing on low speed after each addition until just blended. Finally, hand-crush the thin mints, leaving some large pieces, and mix into the batter. Pour the batter into prepared pan and bake for 1 hour 15 min, until the center is almost set. You will likely need about an hour and a half, but stat checking at 1:15. Dry cheesecakes suck.

Run a sharp knife around the rim of the pan and allow cake to cool on a wire rack before removing rim of pan. Refrigerate at least 4 hours or overnight before serving. Cheesecake may be made up to 2 days in advance before serving and will keep for up to 1 week in the refrigerator.

Seriously, this is one of the best desserts I have ever made. Damn. There's the craving. Time for another piece. Why isn't running or learning Japanese craveable? Arugh.

Oh, I so WANTED to love you- A Review of Georgetown Bagelry

2009-09-10T17:16:00.007+01:00

Wanting to love people, and wasting time and money and precious energy trying to make it happen has long been a weakness of mine. Something, somewhere, tells me I should love them, because they are kind or attractive or patient or any number of things that are, in reality, never enough on their own.

Although I have happily, after much heartbreak (not the least of which was my own), largely given up on that habit in my personal life, it nevertheless seems to have been pushed off to the little (well maybe not so little) part of my brain that is devoted to food.

Months of perky, chipper little tweets from Mary Beall Adler from Georgetown Bagelry have made me want to try the place for ages. After an unsuccessful attempt a few weeks ago (where I discovered, that it is NOT, in fact, in Georgetown, but rather Bethesda), I went traveling for a bit, and hadn't made another attempt.

Today, in an attempt to actually get some non-food writing done (which you can see I have succeeded wildly at), I finally made the drive up there. Anywhere outside the diamond or across the river is a big deal for me. I had a mini-meltdown when I discovered that my boyfriend lived one block over the dividing line, and in fact paid taxes in Maryland! Gasp! Nevertheless, I have, largely on account of his inspiration (he knows the cities he has lived in more comprehensively than most local police, and I admire his getting out of his own bubble), begun exploring the no-man's land that comprise the DC suburbs. He would take issue with me even calling Bethesda, or Alexandria for that matter, suburbs, but baby steps, right?. I have been recently on a rather unsuccessful attempt to be very productive in coffee shops all over town.

Georgetown Bagelry should have been a great place to love. The tweets are always full of deals, they offer great discounts on already super-reasonable prices, it was busy enough to seem alive without being loud or distracting, there was free wi-fi, and a booth to call my own. A wide variety of bagel options rounded out the deal. Nevertheless, I left feeling 'eh'. The bagels were good, the cream cheese good, but neither blew me away. I still prefer Bagels and Baguettes on the Hill. I wanted to love them, but well, I just couldn't feign enough passion. It didn't help that the first time I ordered, I received a sesame instead of onion with my scallion cream cheese. Still tasty, but not quite what I wanted. The ordering process was itself was pretty painful. The staff was distracted, and not overwhelmingly good with communication- they seemed to have a hard time understanding customers. The second time I ordered a blueberry with strawberry cream cheese, and somehow got a tub of strawberry cream cheese and a milk? When I pointed this out, the server just gave me back the price of the milk, without the extra tax, and seemed mostly annoyed.

That said, its cheap, well-designed, and tasty. I was everything a good bagel shop should be. But like all the 'everything a good boyfriend should be' men I have had to painfully give up over the years, for some reason, there just wasn't the spark I needed.

Alas.

Give it a try. Who knows, maybe its the bagel shop YOU were meant to be with.

24, 24, 24- Suggestions for HaochiDC's dream meal...

2009-09-10T11:59:00.004+01:00

Ok. So I am all about the contests lately.

I just came across a contest that would allow HaochiDC, and a fair few of my closest friends, a chance to construct our 'ideal meal'. I would submit a proposal, and if chosen, be given $250 to create and post about an ideal meal experience.

So I am turning to my readers, of course, for ideas! What would you like to see? For those of you around here, what would you like to attend? It can be something I make, somewhere we dine out together, or something we all contribute to....

Post ideas below, or email them to haochidc@gmail.com. I will post the final proposal here....

Thanks team!

Details below:

24, 24, 24" is the most unique monthly food blogging event covering 24 meals on 24 blogs in 24 hours. From "Dinner in Gordon Ramsey's Kitchen," to "A Cheese Tango in Italy, to "Behind the Scenes, the Making of Artisan Gelato," "24 Meals, 24 Hours, 24 Posts" captures the spirit of real-time food publishing by real people. This month's Foodbuzz "24, 24, 24," brought to you by Visa Signature, will take place on Saturday, September 26th, so if you would like to participate, make sure we get your proposal by Monday, September 14th at 9AM PS

What would your Visa Signature dinner be? An old fashioned family dinner complete with your mom's famous meatballs? A seven-course tasting menu at your favorite restaurant in the city? Barbecued brisket picnic in the park with friends and family? Taking over your "best kept secret" sushi bar in the neighborhood for sushi, sashimi, and more sushi? A clambake on your favorite beach?

And what would your ultimate post coverage entail? A video segment bringing the world into your dining room? A photo collage capturing the best of the best food photos of the party? Quotes from your guests on the highlights of the night? Recipes to encourage us all to recreate the soiree on our own? An interview with the chef who created your sensational tasting menu?

How it works: Featured Publishers interested in participating can submit a proposal for a unique dinner they will create, capture, and share with the rest of the world. Foodbuzz will select 24 Visa Signature entries and provide the winners with a $250 stipend to help make the proposal happen. All 24 Visa Signature dinner events must be held on the same date, September 26th, 2009. Posts must be submitted to the Foodbuzz website by Sunday, September 27th, 2009. The "24, 24, 24," contest is solely sponsored by Foodbuzz.

Really, it was good! - Goat Cheese Chipotle Ice Cream with Chipotle-Infused Honey Drizzle and Fresh Basil

2009-09-07T21:00:00.007+01:00

So I hate the word 'foodie'. I hate the entire culture of food pretension. When I first started this blog, the word 'foodie' was something like 'panties' to me. It seemed somehow pretentious and shallow, and maybe a little dirty. I really hated that it had anything to do with me. This was insecurity at its finest; I have more than once caught myself blathering on about how American food culture should change, and the superiority of eating fresh local foods to disinterested people just trying to get through their day (and hiding McDonalds under their seat). I can be a real ass sometimes. It's not that I don't believe in what I am preaching, I do. It's that I desperately don't want to become one of those Ann-Taylor-clad-preachy-DC-girls that wanders around telling all sorts of people who aren't interested how 'delectable the peaches from the Penn Quarter farmers market were this week.' I try to take time out from my high-falutin' blogging to stress the things that I love that are less top-hat-monocle and more flannel-shirt-old-style. Thus my 'embarassing things I love' series. That said, I do own alot of Ann Taylor. I mean, I am a 20-something professional in DC. There was definitely a note of defensiveness in my aversion to 'foodies.'

All of that aside, I never miss a chance for shameless self promotion. See my comment above about being an ass. When I came across 'foodie fights' a few months back, I thought it might be a fantastic opportunity for such unjustified self-aggrandizement. The site pits several food bloggers against one another to see who can come up with the best, most creative, most delicious-looking dish given two defined ingredients that change every week. I didn't particularly want to be 'queen' foodie for the week, but heck, I'll take the extra traffic, right?

Well, what began as a fairly typical cynical venture knocked me on my heels. These 'foodies'- they were, well, amazing. The recipes people posted were creative, unfussy, and nearly universally delicious looking. Try as I might to find a nugget of snobbishness or pretension in their posts, I came up dry. Once I realized that perhaps these 'foodies' had quite a bit to offer, I thought maybe I should wait a bit before I play. No one likes to be the 8th grader on the varsity court, what with all the wedgies and locker-room humiliation. So I held off for a few months to protect my still-un-towel-snapped ass, read the amazing posts and dishes that people created, and thought out a new approach to this foodie fight thing. Finally, last week I decided it was time to pull the trigger, and here I am, hat in hand, ready to play.

This week's ingredients? Chipotle and Goat Cheese.

My first instinct was the flatbread I normally do with goat cheese and rosemary. I made it, but this time used roasted red peppers in a chipotle marinade and put them on top with a chipotle goat cheese (with pieces of peppers in it!) from the Eastern Market cheese Nazi (who was out of my favorite honey-goat cheese). It was delicious, but really kind of a no-brainer. I kept it as my backup, but decided to go a bit more out there for the post. Disaster or not, I figured it would make a good post.

My mom bought me an ice cream maker a few years back, and I figured it was time to enlist it in some concoctions more devious than the melon sorbet it has been charged with most of the summer.

So the idea for Chipotle Goat Cheese Ice Cream was born.

1.5 cups milk

4 egg yolks

1/2 to 3/4 cup sugar (depending on the sweetness of the cheese)

2 oz chipotle (or any peppery flavor will do, not too sour though) goat cheese. You can make your own by mincing up a few peppers and mixing them in to taste. I suggest about one pepper per two oz, no more or it will overwhelm the cheese.

Honey (I used chipotle-infused honey, which basically means I steeped the honey with chipotle peppers before using it)

Basil Leaves

(A note- I don't include process pictures for a very good reason. It's not that I think they are boring or unnecessary. It's that my process is ugly. I mean sugar-on-the-walls, using-an-old-baseball-helmet-as-a-bowl, feeding-cheese-rinds-to-my-dog, occasionally-throw-an-egg-cause-its-fun-to-throw-eggs ugly. If you are reading this, chances are your process is better than mine. Certainly prettier. Why would I go screwing that up with my pictures? Make it your own.

I started out with a very basic custard recipe:

1. Heat the milk and sugar over low heat until the sugar is dissolved.
2. Whisk the egg yolks in a separate bowl.
3. Slowly add the milk to the egg yolks, whisking constantly, until well-combined.
4. Put the mix back in the saucepan over medium-low heat.
5. Stirring constantly (a good rubber scraper works best to keep it from congealing on the sides of the pan), heat the mixture until it is thick enough to coat the back of the spoon opaquely.

This alone makes a great base for any ice cream.

Then you add the goat cheese

6. Put the goat cheese large bowl with a strainer or small-holed colander over it.
7. Pour the custard into the colander and let it drain onto the cheese.
8. Stir the cheese into the hot custard until melted and combined.

From here, its just a matter of making it cold!

9. Put the mixture into the fridge and allow to cool.
10. Once cold, add the mixture to your ice cream maker and follow instructions. I left mine in for about 20 minutes, and then put it in the freezer for four hours to harden.
11. Serve with a thick drizzle of the infused honey over the top (I love the way it hardens just slightly), and serve with basil leaves as garnish (tasty when dipped into the melty bit at the end!)

I NEVER expected this to be so good, but it was just delicious. Something like cheese cake, with just enough kick to it to be interesting. I had thought I might add some chipotle chocolate cookies as well, but once I tasted the ice cream, I realized that it would be too much. One of the hardest parts of cooking (and something I think pretentious food almost always messes up) is knowing when to stop, when the right amount has been achieved with a dish.

One of the real pleasures of having friends who love food, but are far from 'foodies' is presenting them with creative dishes they have not seen before, and that they would never normally choose. This was absolutely one of them. Talking normal people into trying interesting, fresh, different food is one of my true pleasures in life- for that, I love my oldstyle-drinkin-papa-johns-pizza-orderin-non-foodie-friends. But for the ideas, the inspiration, and my own education, I am DAMN glad there are some amazing foodies out there. I can't wait to see what they did with this!

Miracle in the garden: This Week's Garden Report, Summer 2009

2009-09-07T14:30:00.005+01:00

The Honey Locust tree that was cut down and ground out last fall has been sending up new shoots. I ran the lawn mower over ‘em as soon as I spotted ‘em. Within a week it grew back again! This time I went chemical on it. I figured good blast of Round-up ought to do the trick. I cut the tree down in the first place because there was an image of the Virgin Mary in the bark. I didn’t want anybody seeing it, as before you know I would have every religious crackpot in the state is trying to build a shrine out in the back yard. A Lazarus Locust!? Now the question is, do I ignore the obvious divine intervention and take the lawn mower to it again if it does grow back? Or let it grow? Maybe I should consult a priest. I wonder if they do garden consults?

The hammerdog experiment has only been partially successful. It would be a huge help if he lifted his leg to pee, but he just does a semi-squat . However he does prefer to go along the edge of the garden and straddle a bush or plant. The real benefit comes from Stelladog, being the manly dog that she is, feels it necessary to remark her territory everywhere Hammerdog pees, so she pees right on top of it. So she is not making new brown spots out in the middle of the lawn. Experiment successful?

Most of the re-locations over the past month have been successful. The Russian Sage and Winter Creeper were roughed up pretty bad in their transplant, but now seem to be recovering nicely. The infiltration of Charlie from the south has come to a complete stop. A couple more Hostas were rounded up and pressed into service along the southern frontier. I need only about 5 more yards of Hostas to close the remaining gaps. The dig-n-dash at the bank parking lot has bee ruled out. If I ever make a run at a bank, it ain’t going to be for flowers.

The shed relocation project has begun. The Bleeding Heart was transplanted along the western border next to its offspring. What a plant that has been! It has cuttings planted in over 4 states, in just about every neighbors yard and God knows where else. The way that thing takes to splitting and transplanting is amazing. I should have sent some of the shoots off to China, introduce some invasive species as payback for the Ashborer Beetle, and Asian Longhorn Beetle. That’ll learn ‘em!

The fern migration to Wayne’s world began years ago, most of the early migrants got the choice spots. Unfortunately, like a bunch of autoworkers at a GM plant, some of those ferns refused to see the inevitable. A forced migration is now underway. About 40 ferns were dug up and put in temporary storage in Wayne World. That guy now has probably the best fern garden in town and doesn’t even know it.

Lots of excitement in the garden in anticipation of this weekends annual Pansy Pride Parade. Big crowds are expected. Most of the other plants are putting on their finest. You should see the Clematis. What a display they’re puttin’ on. Speaking off Clematis, the mutant Kudzu/clematis had to be physically restrained this week. It was becoming a serious hazard to the Azalea and was starting to climb the birdbath. I found a bunch of feathers back there and I’m getting suspicious. Either that plant has gone carnivore or the neighbor’s cat got lucky. I think the cat is too stupid and fat, so I’m getting kinda worried. I spent a whole hour tying the damn plant to it’s trellis and I think it’s slipping loose again as I write! I better go check while there’s still daylight, I won’t be able to sleep otherwise.

Mas Tuna Rolls, Por Favor! - Sushi Hana in Portland

2009-09-01T18:35:00.014+01:00

So I have mentioned my addiction before. Sushi. It started as just something I did socially, with friends, just so they wouldn't have to indulge alone. And then something flipped. I had some gooooood stuff. In LA. And now I think about it all the time. I need more each time, and I am spending money I don't have in its pursuit. I neglect my family (or at least my dog's evening walks) in order to go out and score, and when I am at rock bottom and really jonesing, I do things I am ashamed of. Like order it from Chinese restaurants. I ignore the rubbery-ness and awful-ness of certain sushi go-rounds and even mediocre tuna with red pepper flakes triggers a binge.

Vacation is no different. The month I spent in China for work was torture. I did Sushi in China once, even though years of living in Asia should have made me wiser. I can still hear the dialogue in my head.....'But it's the nicest place in Beijing, where the Japanese Ambassador eats. Surely this would be ok'. Rationalization. I knew better, but maybe the inklings of the addiction were coming through even then. 'I will only have a few pieces.' Bargaining. I should have seen it coming. How did it end? With me puking at the sight of the 4 cases of beer the Irish guys ahead of me in line were bringing on the trans-siberian train the next day, coming off the worst night of sick in my life.

Anyway, my two trips to Portland this summer offered no respite from the craving. Fortunately, I have a boyfriend who is not only indulgent, but also encouraging of my little problem. He likes his sushi too. He had been talking about a little place in Portland for ages that was supposedly great and cheap. Keep in mind, however, that as he hates most things about DC, everything in Portland was both 'cheap' and 'great' in comparison. Add to that the fact it was in a strip mall, suspiciously located next to a Petco, and I was wary. Still, not many crack addicts complain about the quality of their rocks, especially when they are far away from their home dealers, so I hardly resisted trying it.

When I first walked into Sushi Hana in Tigard, just south of Portland, I saw a basic sushi-go-round. It took a few seconds for the real magic of the place to become evident. Like any sushi-go-round, Sushi Hana uses little colored plates to show how much various items cost. Unlike basically any other sushi-go-round, however, the most expensive little plate is $3! Most are between $1.50 and $2.50. Add to that the Monday happy hour special during which all plates are $1.50, and you have one of the best deals ever.... basically all you can eat. And eat I did. Although no match for the boyfriend's 19 plates (which blew the mind of our tiny waitress), I did a respectable 10. For under $25.

All you can eat is great (my favorite for the DC area is Matsutake in Ballston), but a good deal alone wouldn't justify the longing that I currently am feeling for Sushi Hana.

No, what was most remarkable about Sushi Hana was the quality. The sushi was fresh, the rolls creative and well-constructed. Unlike too many buffets and sushi-go-rounds, the chefs were selective about what was put on the belt- they didn't put out things that would go off too fast, and had a remarkable sense of just how much of anything was desired at a given time. Of course if you wanted anything in particular, they were not only receptive to, but actively seeking out requests.

This brings me to the final reason Sushi Hana is almost enough alone to pull me back to Portland for keeps, and the title of the post. Throughout the meals, a chorus of 'Mas Nigiri' or 'Hand-roll por favor' accompanied the methodical activity of the sushi chefs behind the counter. Normally, hearing your sushi chef shout to the kitchen in anything but Japanese is a reason for concern. Of course, there are the one-off all-you-can eat situations for which, as my best friend puts it, 'quantity has a quality all its own'; even these places, however, usually hide their non-Japanese sushi chefs in the back (along with, thankfully, the prep area... not visible is basically equivalent to sanitary for this girl).

Sushi Hana chefs were amazing, however. They were clearly in love with their work, and every time I went there, they seemed genuinely happy to be alive and making sushi. And I went there three times. In one 10 day trip. Yea, I like the place. I can't imagine how it must feel to be a super talented sushi chef who happens to be from Guatamala, but I imagine its not great. Like an Alaskan surfer, or a Laotian tight-end. No one expects your talent, and it must be infuriating to constantly surprise people. These chefs, however, have found a home, and for that, I am grateful. Not as grateful as if they were my dealers back home, but happy nonetheless.

Of course, now that I have had the pure stuff, it will take me a bit to get used to the expensive home brew here in DC again, but, as my visit to Kyoto Sushi last night proved, I can't stay away long.

Oh, Sushi. Mercury poisoning tastes so good!

The Cost of Food- from Macheesmo Blog

2009-07-29T15:12:00.006+01:00

(Photo courtesy of eHow)

So I came across this the other day, and I thought it was incredibly interesting. I think when estimating the cost of things, people consistently neglect the value of their time. When looking at the economy of cooking, time plays a considerable role.

Of course the value that one assigns to different types of activity is also key- if you hate cooking so much that you now need to take time afterwards to do something to relax, well then you would have to add the cost of that time in. Conversely, if you love it enough that it is in and of itself relaxing, and you can scratch another relaxation activity, then you need to consider that benefit in the cost calculation.

I very much like how the poster laid out his assumptions clearly. Its also worth checking out the original post for all the great comments.

Anyway, from the Blog "Macheesmo (Cook Something)":

I was at a party last weekend talking to someone about Macheesmo and they mentioned that they probably wouldn’t read it because they don’t cook. Ignoring the point that I try to write for an audience that doesn’t cook frequently, I instead asked them why they don’t cook. They sited two of the most frequent reasons I hear for why people don’t cook: It’s too expensive and it takes too long.

I’ve talked about the time it takes to cook before, but I want to focus on the dollar bills for this post. If you’re an economist (I’m not) then you might argue that the time argument is really just a money argument. Depending on how valuable your time is, it may or may not be worth it to take the time to cook. Because really, time is money right? So I thought I would take a recent recipe I posted and go into the approximate economics of it to try to prove, more or less, that cooking really is a great way to save money.

The Argument Against Cooking. The basic argument goes something like this. There are a lot of costs involved with cooking. You have to buy the ingredients, you have to purchase the equipment, you have to spend the time to learn to cook, and only once you’ve done all that business can you actually cook the meal!

All of those steps either cost actual money or time-money.

So all of those are legitimate arguments and some of them are easier to put an actual dollar sign on than others, but I’m going to do my best in the below example. By the way, as an aside, yes I’m a complete geek and love doing stuff like this.

The Assumptions: For this little test to work out, I need to make a few assumptions:

* The test subject’s time is worth $20/hour. That’s an extremely respectable wage.
* The subject has a pan and a freezer already and some basic kitchen tools.
* The subject knows how to read.
* The subject likes burritos, because that’s what we’re making.

The Cost to Cook. These are my basic break downs on cooking costs for these burritos. The time costs are estimated, but the food costs are based on actual receipts. I had to do some interesting math for fractions and stuff, so I always rounded up when in question.

The Ingredients: (Keep in mind I shopped at Whole Foods. You could beat these prices.)

8 large tortillas - $4
1 pound Cheddar Cheese - $5
3 cans of beans - $3
2 avocados - $2 (these were on sale)
Sour cream - $.50
Rice - $.50
Peppers - $1.50
Onion - $.50
Hot sauce - $1 (I probably used half a bottle.)
Spices/salt/oil/etc. - $1 (estimated)
Equipment (aluminum foil, etc.): $1
Tax: $0 (no tax on any of these things in DC)

Total Ingredient costs: $20

The labor:

Learning: $10 (I can’t imagine that it would take someone half an hour to read my recipe and interpret it. Seems generous, but I’ll go with it.)
Shopping: $20
Cooking: $30 (This recipe took me about an hour and a half, start to finish. I’m pretty fast at chopping and stuff, but I was also taking photos and taking the occasional beer break, so that evens out.)
Reheating: $30 (10 minutes per burrito maybe.)

Total Labor Costs: $90

Total Burrito Costs: $110 or $13.75/burrito

That seems like a pretty expensive burrito!

The Cost to Eat Out. To get a decent comparison for this, I assumed that I would buy 8 veggie burritos from my local Chipotle. This will be a lot shorter.

8 Burritos: $49 ($6.14/burrito. I rounded down.)
Tax: $4.90

Total Burrito Costs: $53.90 or $6.74/burrito

Oh but we aren’t done….

Labor: I’m going to break this down per burrito so I don’t lose you.

Walking to Chipotle: $3.30 (I would guess it takes 10 minutes on average to walk to Chipotle.)
Ordering burrito: $1.70 (I assumed an incredibly efficient Chipotle which can make my burrito in about five minutes with waiting in line. In reality, this usually takes at least 10 minutes.)
Walking back from Chipotle: $3.30

Total Labor Costs: $66.40 or $8.30/burrito

Total Chipotle Costs: $120.30 or $15.04/burrito

Honestly, when I did this calculation I was a bit surprised with the result. I wasn’t expecting it to be that much of a difference.

The big thing that you might notice is that the labor costs for going out were higher than cooking. I think that sometimes this gets forgotten. Because people aren’t actively working when they go out, they forget that they are still spending time doing that activity. But if you’re doing a real analysis of costs, that lost time has to be factored in.

A few follow up comments that are worth mentioning:

Cheap meal! When I told my roommate Jeff about this post, his response was that I picked the cheapest meal possible. That may be true, but that doesn’t take away from the point. I used the example mainly because it was easy to find a place that made almost the same burrito that I made. But honestly, I would bet that if there was a restaurant that churned out something more expensive like Mango Chicken Simmer dishes, my version would still be cheaper.

Buy in Bulk! This is an interesting argument. If you were to go to Chipotle, buy 8 burritos, immediately take them home and freeze all of them, you would bring down your costs per burrito substantially. There would still be labor costs involved in this such as reheating etc. It might might the per burrito cost cheaper… But seriously. Who does that?

Hidden perks: What absolutely blows the Chipotle burritos away though is that the homemade burritos taste better! You can customize each one. You can take your time to ensure that the ingredients are evenly distributed and seasoned. Basically, you can make the perfect burrito for you!

A second hidden perk that I’m only mentioned as an aside because I can’t prove it, but I would suspect that my version is healthier than Chipotle’s version. If they aren’t, you could make yours healthier because you are making them.

So that is my analysis on the issue. I’m a huge geek.

At least now when someone gives that reason as an excuse, I can just give them a link to this post.

Savor: An American Craft Beer & Food Experience

2009-07-17T16:07:00.020+01:00

Somewhere over DaNang, on SQ 837, it hit me. I need a beer. Badly. Three days of cross-pacific travel, followed by horrid food in a overpriced Chinese hotel, and a whole month of worrying about getting work done ahead of me adds up to one stressed girl. This is not surprising. What is surprising is the manifestation of the need for stress relief in the form of beer craving. This is new. In the past, stress drove regrettable binges of homemade cookie dough, financially ill-advised trips across the planet, and questionable romantic endeavors. Even a craving for a good whiskey or lots of bad gin and tonics. But never before beer.

Why the sudden prominence of beer in my consciousness? One word- Savor. Haochi DC was lucky enough to swing passes to this fabulous event, featuring craft beers paired with delicious food a few weeks back in a delicious worship of everything beer.

I was totally and utterly blown away. I mean, I liked beer ok, and had progressed beyond the natty-light-in-a-garbage-can-full-of-ice-at-the-party-of-that-dude-I-accidentally-made-out-with years ago, and liked a good stout, but I hadn't really given much thought to the nuances of good beer beyond, well, it being good.

I can even pinpoint the moment that all changed. Haochi DC was offered a seat in one of the sideline seminars during the event featuring beer and chocolate pairings. Best case scenario in my imagination was that this would be like a wine tasting, where things were good together, but my palate was sadly unsophisticated, and I would leave not really understanding why or having any hope of replicating the pairings myself. More likely, I figured this was just a lame attempt by the beer industry to move in on the wine market by making up their own lexicon of fancy-words. This fit right in with the trashy-is-hip, PBR-is-cool trendy demographic I feared would make up the main body of attendees. But hey, free beer? Im no snob, that was enough to get me to give it a try.

What I discovered with the first pairing felt like coming in from the darkness. After years of desperately trying to pretend I understood what the difference between 'oaky' and 'woodsy' was when tasting six different seemingly identical mediocre chardonnays, it was like a light bulb came on. Hoppy. Now there is a taste I can identify. When beer is said to have hints of chocolate, it has hints of fucking chocolate! I get it! It wasn't my tongue that had failed, it was the medium! After years of being a fraud at wine tastings, suddenly I actually got it. This was right up there in the revelation department with understanding fractions and decimals were the same thing, my parents were winging it more often than not, and that nothing about The Wall is really all that profound without heavy drugs and the mind of a 15 yr old (warning, those two are often related).

Not only did the beer bring out certain flavors in the chocolate, as one expects with a paired tasting, but the chocolate actually pulled things out of the beer that would have been otherwise overlooked. I have never had paired wines that so delightfully and comprehensively intermingled flavors with the food they were paired with. Its as though beer were made for chocolate, and all these years I totally missed it. Of course it helped that the beers in question were all from New Holland Brewery, my vote for the Best in Show at the event. Each beer was complex, interesting, and eminently drinkable. The brewer, Fred Bueltmann, was on hand and accessible to all my bumbling inquiries (thankfully forgiving of my newly-in-beer-love swooning and patient with my myriad of questions). Gail Ambrosius, a choclatier from Madison WI brought her A game as well, and the chocolates were exquisite. You can see all the pairings below, but my top pick?

Dragon's Milk, a rich ale brewed in old bourbon barrels from Heaven Hill, one of our favorite Bourbons, with one of the most unusual, yet natural chocolates I have ever tasted, Shitake. The combination was earthy and rich, almost like a cream sauce. Dragon's milk brought out the sweetness in the chocolate, and the Shitake balanced the creaminess of the beer. Interestingly, the Dragon's Milk would have been right at home paired with something richer as well, my vote would be the sea salt caramel, but would have been a totally different beer.

The other strong contender was the Black Tulip Trippel Ale and the ginger and Lemongrass chocolate. The Black Tulip cut the spiciness of the chocolate, resulting in a strong leading taste with a quick end of sweetness, rather than the lingering gingery-ness that would otherwise overwhelm the chocolate. The chocolate brought the fruitiness of the Ale forward. It was perfect, and meant for Thai food. Asian food sorely lacks dessert, but this would have made up for it 50 times over.

For now, I'm going to flag down a stewardess and bitterly drink my Tsing dao, dreaming of better brews and better days

A few other winners:

Available locally:

Steamworks 'Backside Stout'

Schmaltz Hebrew 'Original Pomegranate Ale'

Schlafly Reserve 'Oak-Aged Barleywine'

Magic Hat

Further Afield:

Rogue 'Nut-Brown'

Rock Art Brewery 'Vermonster'

Oskar Blues 'Old Chub' (in a can!)

Southernmost Pale Ale (from Key West)

Heinerbrau Maerzen

Coney Island "Sword Swallower"

General Guide to beer pairing:

For more info on all the beers and foods at the event, please check out the Savor homepage. or check out the info sheet below.

Old Friends Abusing Good Graces: This Week's Garden Report, Mid-June 2009

2009-06-21T12:07:00.002+01:00

The Sedum Society meeting scheduled for this week has been canceled! No reason need be given!

The Arborvitae felt the wrath of the lawnmower today. Actually, they didn’t feel anything because they were already dead. The whole bunch of the filthy cowards apparently committed mass suicide. They were on the north side of the house away from the rest of the garden, even still, they had a way sweeter deal than the rest of the garden. They got plant-feeding spikes and had their own irrigation set up. Winter was too tough on them or some such tripe. Waa, Waa!!! Plants were a lot tougher when I was a kid. While I was walking thru 3 feet of snow in 100 degree heat to school, up hill, both ways, the plants back at home would be growing all by themselves. No codling needed. They didn’t need any stinking plant food. They would have spit in your eye if you so much as tried to put some mulch around ‘em. Those were the day when men were men and plants were plants and proud of it! It was satisfying to me to feel their ungrateful little stalks being ground into sawdust.

There has been a new source of strife in the garden this spring. The mutant Clematis refuses to climb it’s trellis and is draping itself all over the Azalea. This presents a big problem for all the plants involved in the shed removal project. The mutant Clematis has a special place in my heart, one of the first installations of mine almost 20 years ago. It has proved to be one of the toughest plants out there. I’ve always suspected it being half Kudzu. The Azalea, also a long time winner in the garden, is relatively defenseless from such an assault. I suspect the plants have been talking amongst themselves and are jockeying for the best positions when the relocations start. It will take some genuine diplomacy to sort this problem out.

Hammerdog has been brought in in an attempt to teach Stella to lift her leg when she pees. It’s worth a try.

Saving Squash.....and meditations on being, potato-edition

2009-06-03T22:08:00.006+01:00

So I like Squash. I never did when I was a kid, in part because I only was ever treated to the ethnic-family-boil-it-till-its-gooey-enough-to-be-soup-cause-soup-is-how-we-had-enough-to-get-to-this-country-and-you-are-so-ungrateful variety. It was only thanks to an otherwise charmless Australian boyfriend who introduced me to pumpkin as something other than a goofy once-a-year decoration filled with tasty seeds that I came to see this entire vegetable type as potentially appetizing. Add to that a few Chinese meals during which squash was a God-send amid plate after plate of things that were staring back, still flopping, or resembled the un-potato pieces of Mr. Potato Head, and squash became ok in my book

<< Linguistic aside: are Mr. Potato head feet actually potato, since they are by definition part of him, or does attaching them cause them to undergo some sort of transubstantiation by which they become 'potato' or are they just feet? British courts recently ruled, wisely that 'A Pringle is “made from potato flour in the sense that one cannot say that it is not made from potato flour"'..perhaps this applies in the abstract to representations of potato?>>

Anyway, now that I am safely back in the land of bread and cheese, squash has slowly but surely lost its appeal. However, I am a regular recipient of it in my boxes from Washington's Green Grocer, and have as of late had a harder and harder time not just letting it turn into a research project in the veggie drawer that conveniently takes out the potatoes and lettuce, of which I am equally enamored.

Last box, however, Washington's Green Grocer Came through- they published a post on facebook with a little recipe (they, and their followers, have been doing this more and more, its really a great use of the social media space for them). I tried it out today, and it was perfect. Nothing revelatory in the ingredients, nothing shocking or unexpected, but just the perfect balance of flavors, which I often seem to get not quite right, as I am distracted by the main affair (dessert) or the secondary affair (the main) and throw together vegetables as an afterthought. With a little thoughtfulness, this becomes a nice main course. Now I am not going to go all vegan or anything any time soon, but this was pretty good!

One note, use fresh cheese, and big lumps of Buffalo Mozzarella- it makes all the difference....

From Washington's Green Grocer, who adapted it from: Food to Live By: The Earthbound Farm Organic Cookbook (Earthbound Farm Organic Cookbk)

2-3 small zucchini, cut into 1/2 inch thick slices (if zucchini are large, cut in half or fourths lengthwise, then slice)
1 T olive oil
4-6 large garlic cloves, thinly sliced
pinch sea salt
2 T chopped flat parsley
2 T grated parmesan
1/4 cup grated mozzarella

With stove set to medium, heat the olive oil in a large frying pan with a lid. Add sliced garlic and saute about 1 minute, until you start to smell garlic. Add squash and stir to coat with oil, then cover and cook 4 minutes, stirring once or twice. After 4 minutes, check to see if there is a lot of liquid and whether squash is tender. Cook 1-2 more minutes, uncovered until zucchini is tender-crisp and liquid is evaporated.

Sprinkle squash with salt and chopped parsley and stir to wilt parsley. Add parmesan and stir until it melts, about 1 minute. Sprinkle mozzarella cheese over the squash, cover pan again and turn off the heat. Let sit 1-2 minutes until cheese is melted and serve hot.

Meditations on Trampling: This Week's Garden Report, Early June 2009

2009-06-02T15:56:00.004+01:00

Significant progress has been achieved this week in the garden. Exiling the Gang of Four Burning Bushes was a stroke of genius, the treacherous bastards had more Creeping Charlie hiding out under them than I could have possibly imagined. A deal was struck with the new neighbors; they could have the bushes as long as they do not plant them close enough to each other that they could start a new conspiracy. Sod has been installed in that newly pacified corner of the yard. Hostas have been recruited to keep an eye on things along the fence. Peace reigns.

The Hostas repositioned along the southern frontier have taken to the task like a bunch of fat, drunken, middle age, Minutemen sitting along the Mexican border in lawn chairs. They seem to actually enjoy their new station in life. Their effectiveness is not yet up to their full potential yet because there are still gaps in the line. A recruiting campaign is in the works and walk-ons are welcome. Also my bank has the right kind of Hostas planted around their parking lot, a midnight dig-n-dash is being considered.

The Daylilies were trampled but not mowed to the ground. Lightnin never did learn how to work the lawnmower, he could never figure out how to hold down the dead man’s switch while he pulled the starter cord, so I’m not sure mowing them down after trampling is really what he would have wanted. I got to thinking about Lightning’s problem with daylilies. We never discussed why he took such joy in trampling them all the time. It’s funny how you can be so close to someone for so many years and never really know what’s going on in his head. We would sit around and talk for hours and never really say anything, down, sit, stay, speak, kill. The daylilies do make a neat crunchy-squishy feeling as you trample them. It might have just felt cool under his feet. Within a week the daylilies are coming back stronger than before. Maybe he knew some secret to growing daylilies that I didn’t. It's like those olive growers in Spain that go out and beat their olive trees with chains. It actually improves their growth.

A new bright spot in the future, Bill and Harriet are now to old and feeble to maintain their yard so they hired some landscapers to do it. The first thing they did was to douse it with weed and feed. That should slow down the infiltration of Charlie from that direction.

Next week the cowardly Arborvitae will be dealt with.

The Miracle of Soft Eggs- Brunch at Creme

2009-05-31T22:10:00.014+01:00

I can make complex meringues, reduce a delicate sauce, and cut a pie crust together until the exact moment when it is mixed and not a moment after. I can't paint, sing, pretend I care about things I don't, choose flattering makeup, run 10 miles, or any number of other talents that the young yuppie often has, but I can cook. I don't know how or why, but I get it. Which is why the seeming miracle of a poached egg is so perplexing to me. Every time I try this, I end up with some nasty form of flavorless egg drop soup, crunchy with egg shells that got away and littered with bits of egg that are more boiled to death than poached. I have some sort of neuro-block it would seem against paying attention to a cooking egg. I can't soft-boil either, for much the same reason. My inflated sense of self importance almost makes me believe that there is some sort of cosmic conspiracy that will insert something shiny into my field of vision within 3 minutes of touching an egg. And I do so ever love shiny things :-)

All of this is quite tragic given the delicious uses of half-cooked eggs. Soft cooked eggs are delicious in salads, with vegetables, and even as a meal themselves. Of course their most common incarnation amongst DC food lovers is as the critical component of Eggs Benedict. At summer brunches throughout DC, deals are cut, relationships blossom, marriages falter, houses hypothetically decorated, clothing evaluated, hippies scorned, and babies longed for. Brunch is where the young yuppie cuts their teeth on the DC restaurant scene. Is the food often second-rate to that of normal meals? You betcha. Does that make it any less appealing to linger for a long meal with friends with nothing else to do all day after sleeping off the previous night? Not a bit.

With an old friend in from out of town and a new one just arrived for her first big-kid DC job, brunch was calling. Thanks to the recommendations of DC Concierge, I chose Creme in U Street to inaugurate the season. I couldn't believe that despite a good friend living across the street, I had never noticed the place! It was tiny, and didn't take reservations for brunch, so our group of 6 had to wait about a half hour for a table, which isn't bad, especially since the same cosmic forces that interfere with my egg preparation seem to affect the ability of anyone I care about to be on time to anything, while driving my own paranoia about being late to such a degree that I am chronically 15 min early. All in all, this means that no matter what, there is a half-hour wait, so no problem.

I saw two things on the menu that intrigued- Chicken and Waffles, that Clydes favorite that is oh so good after a night of beer tasting (and facilitates the brunch attendance of any self-respecting dude who is not trying to sleep with you), and the Eggs Benedict with wild mushrooms. Our table had both. The Mushroom Bene, as the Eggs Benedict was called, was fabulous. The mushrooms were fresh and tasty, the Hollandaise rich and not too salty, and the poached egg in that perfect miraculous form that so eludes me, with a runny yolk and firm solid white that requires rapt attention by a chef who is swamped with a brunch crowd. So simple, but in may of the brunch factories of DC, the details are lost, and you get either a protein shake of raw eggs fit for a dude trying to 'get huge' or chewy hard-boiled eggs reminiscent of the less delicious parts of a polish deli. The chicken (white and dark) was proclaimed better than Clydes (bonus, since Clydes doesn't even offer white meat with their Chicken and Waffles- well, they do, but its sans the spices which make the chicken worth eating). The waffles were thick and fresh and the salad a little salty though better than your average garnish. I also had the bacon which was thicker than I like, but I imagine perfect for most people's preference. Roasted potatoes and an Eggs Benedict with crab rounded out our selections, and all was delicious. Portions were sizable without being ridiculous, and all were happy.

I also sprung for the expensive Hibiscus Mimosa. While too expensive at $12 for a flute, it was just delicious enough that I will probably continue to be annoyed at the price, but order it anyway.

The atmosphere was loud, but conversation wasn't too hard, as the tables were small and intimate. Hard to hear the servers, but tolerable. The interior is tidy and modern.

The best part? The prices were super affordable- $10-14 for most mains, with an option for a $16 unlimited mimosa (not the hibiscus kind however). This makes a $20 brunch a real option.

What do I take away from all of this? Poached eggs and mushrooms are inspired. And I now have a source of them for a reasonable price that will keep me from initiating any more egg disasters, and do wonders for my self-esteem :-) Yea Creme!

Resurrection! This Week's Garden Report, May 2009

2009-05-25T21:04:00.010+01:00

Years ago, when I was living abroad, my dad sent me a weekly garden report detailing events back home in Chicago, to help me stay connected. They were hilarious. At my prompting, he has restarted this tradition, and I will be publishing them here. Look for archived posts soon!

This Weeks Garden Report.

The garden has been in a terrible state of neglect for well over a year now. I have always suspected that the garden was incapable of self-governance and I have been proven correct. The various factions are fighting amongst themselves while the weeds are multiplying from within and infiltrating from the perimeters. The situation demands a strong leader. Because of the chaos out there I have decided to once again come to the rescue. Memorial Day weekend will see the change of a lot of policies out there.
First off, in memory of the passing of my little fuzzy friend, Lightning, all Day Lilies will be trampled and mowed to the ground. He had a special love of trampling Day Lilies and I feel he would wholeheartedly approve of this action.
The lawn is in a terrible state, although a big part of the problem is a female dog. Male dogs at least have the manners to go pee in a corner, they don't feel the need to pee in the middle of the lawn and create dead spots. I know she does this on purpose, just to piss me off! Another problem with the lawn has been the execution of the Honey-locust tree. It left a huge scar on the lawn and the chips from the stump grinding seem to be everywhere. This action was taken because that overgrown primadonna could not take instruction and grow right. The uncooperative attitude of that stupid tree was endangering the house. I had a long talk with it but it still refused to cooperate, so now it is part of someone’s firewood pile. Harsh, maybe but an example had to be set! All that aside, a reseeding program has been initiated. With the help of some timely rain, obscene and probably illegal, amounts of chemicals, recovery is expected.
As always, Creeping Charlie is a problem. Charlie seems to be everywhere and nowhere at the same time. Although it has been eliminated from the lawn for the most part, it still creeps in from the perimeter. In an effort to control this problem, several radical measures are being taken. First, all Hostas are being shifted to the southern frontier. They will be planted along the fence line. This should help control that border once the present infiltration of Charlie is dealt with. It will also cut down on the amount of weedwacking, a huge side benefit since I’m too cheap to replace my broken weedwacker. Also along this border the Burning Bushes have been caught hiding the creeping Charlie, in retaliation the Burning Bushes will be sent into exile to the yard next door. They brought in on themselves!
On the northern frontier the two scraggly Pines are to be transplanted to the side of the house. Looking thru my neighbors windows no longer holds any fascination for me so I’m blotti’n ‘em out. On hold for now, but a possibility before the end of the year, is the elimination of the Forsythia bushes. No fault of their own, but the dog has taken a likin’ to digging under them. She gets all muddy, tracks it inside and somehow it is my fault. It’s a shame, they have been troopers since planted almost 20 years ago, but some sacrifices must be made.
Along the western frontier, good progress has been made in the civilizing of Wayne’s world (yard). My guerrilla gardening efforts are paying off. Ferns have replaced most of the weeds from his edge. That campaign should be over by the end of this growing season. The other edge of the western border is totally out of control. Charlie is doing a re-enactment of the Ho Chi Minh Trail. I have a massive attack planned for this very afternoon, unless I find something better to do. Temporarily the Russian Sage and Winter Creeper have been replanted in hopes of slowing Charlie down.
The shed tear down project is going slow. There are too many tough decisions to make as to what to throw out and what to make room for in the garage. An additional complication is that some of my best performing and loyalist plants are around it. I refuse to sacrifice them. A relocation program must be initiated first.
Work to be done. I gotta get to it.
Forget it the Cubs game just started, I just found something better to do, oh well!

Embarassing Things I Ate that Sucked: Part 1

2009-05-24T01:28:00.005+01:00

So sometimes I am lazy. Now that Mott's Mart, the local mini-mart, takes credit cards, I am doomed on these lazy days. Today, as I, the big fancy food blogger, checked out with an armload of ramen noodles and Diet Dr. Pepper, I won't lie, there was shame.

At the same time, I vowed to dig deep, and do what my dad did when I was growing up- turn Ramen delicious with all sorts of yummy stuff from the fridge. Upon opening the fridge, I discovered all that was in there was some squishy tomatoes with which I plan to make sauce this weekend, and some left over egg whites from the 4 egg yolks I used to make Thin Mint Ice Cream earlier this week. I figured, hey this will be good, I will make egg-drop noodle soup.

Well, suffice it to say, curdled egg yolks, slimy noodles, and enough MSG to kill all the rats in the kitchen of a giant-slice pizza shop at 1 am (look for a review of this in Embarassing Things I Love- Part 5) were not enough to convince anyone that I was a culinary genius. Or that its even safe to let me near the stove unsupervised.

Yuk. Well, at least I have a whole sleeve of Hit cookies to dull the pain.

Thin Mint Ice Cream- Go Girl Scouts!

2009-05-21T03:21:00.013+01:00

I hate being sold to. I walk out of stores as soon as someone asks if there is anything they can help me with, and I never ever ever ever buy anything from someone who is selling door to door. Or at work.

With one critical exception- Thin Mint Girl Scout cookies. There is no substance on earth quite as divine. This year, when someone at work was selling (well, mentioning loudly in the hall he had girl scout cookies on offer, since we work in a gov't building that doesn't allow any charities but its own), I pounced. I had previously actually ordered Thin Mints on the internet and had them shipped to Singapore when I lived there. I expected to convert the population. Instead I spent four hours explaining the different between scouting and the Hitler Youth. The best I came up with was "well, I think they let Catholics in".

Anyway, I have three boxes in my freezer, and had been patiently waiting for the mint in my garden to get big enough to use my brand spanking new ice cream maker to make what I was sure would be the seminal dessert of our time.

I found a what looked like a great recipe for mint chocolate chip ice cream. I figured, shouldn't be a problem to replace the chips with the far more delicious Thin Mints. A whole tube of them. Maybe two tubes. Well, maybe 1 1/2 because someone ate 5 or 6 spoonfuls of the cookie crumbs on the way from the food processor to the ice cream maker.

I used half as much mint, as I didn't want to do in the poor little mint plant. Basically you seep the mint in the milk/cream (make mint milk tea in effect). Then make a custard with 4 egg yolks. Yep, 4. Good stuff, mix in the remaining cream, and throw it in the mixer.

Well, I was disappointed when I took it out of the machine to put it in the freezer to get nice and hard. It was too eggy- for some reason I never like frozen custards as much as I think I will, given the preponderance of ingredients I love (eggs, milk,, sugar). I am curious how different types of egg would taste- maybe free range organic would have a different character since they are not all corn fed and white-y. For more on why this would make a difference, and my the reason I am thinking of driving 4 hours to get eggs like the fancy chefs, check out: The Omnivore's Dilemma: A Natural History of Four Meals

Anyway, I didn't hold high hopes for the ice cream when I dug it out tonight after a long day running around and scooped it out of the 20yr old Ricotta tub that my mom has been using to send me pasta sauce for ages in. Last night's disappointing taste after 30 min of eager waiting for the ice cream machine got the ice cream relegated to a crummy container so it could think about what it had done. This strategy seems to have been effective, quite to the surprise of the shred of rational me left in matters of ice cream. A night in the freezer did the ice cream a world of good. Its as though the mint came into its own over night, the cookies softened just enough to make pretty marbling, and the eggy taste dissipated into the freezer vent (or the ice cube tray, yuk). The flavor was a delicate spearmint, with rich dark chocolate cookie undertones. It scooped like a Baskin-Robbin's ad (did you know that they actually use mashed potatoes for ice cream pics, or so says a food stylist friend of mine).

It was awesome!! And so pretty. I now want to make it last to show it off, but the likelihood of that is about nil. Guess I will just have to convince myself all that slow churning the machine did burned off the calories!

A Serious Sushi Addiction- Time for a 12 Step Program?

2009-05-19T00:37:00.007+01:00

The need seemingly came out of nowhere. I had tried the stuff here and there before, enjoyed it, and been fine. Others claimed they couldn't live without it, but I never got what the big deal was about.

And then, on a wild weekend in California not too long ago, I thought I would just have a little taste, it had been months, and what was the harm. And then, poof, like that, it consumed me. I think about it all the time. I dream about it. I have spent every last dime of disposable income on it in the last month, and a bit on the credit cards. As soon as I get it, I think, 'whew, that's the last time', and then two days later there I am again, in dark street in Chinatown looking for it without even realizing it. Friends I have known for years, who I never knew had a problem, crawl out of the woodwork looking for company to score now they know I am one of them. It starts with thinking I'll just have one little roll, what could the harm in that be, and then, $150 and two hours later I am looking at the scattered remnants of 4 giant rolls that were overflowing with the good-stuff.

Yea, I have a sushi problem. I went years being fairly indifferent to the stuff, and woke up one day and can't get enough. I love tempura, teppanaki, udon, miso, all sorts of what should be gateway Japanese food. Somehow, they never sucked me in. And then, boom, a taste of sushi out West, nothing extraordinary about it, and I can't get enough.

The result? I have been trying sushi places all over town, and you, dear readers, will benefit from the reviews as I begin to post. I have even had a recent adventure with making it myself, which turned out better than I thought. Unlike most addictions that inspire this sort of craving, the home fix was delightfully explosion and felony free. More on that tomorrow.

So what am I comparing? Well, ask 10 sushi lovers what the ideal measure of the craft is, and you will have 10 different answers. As a fresh food advocate, and flavor purist (lets pretend I didn't just post about a love of Ikea meatballs), I am supposed to like the simple, fresh, perfect sashimi or nigiri best of all. I do like them. But they are not what creeps obsessively into my thoughts. In fact, its not even the simple elegant maki that get me. Its the big, expensive, ridiculous rolls with names out of a disaster preparation public announcement: volcano roll, dynamite roll, typhoon roll. Yea, I'm an American. No subtlety here.

Consistently my favorite? The Rainbow Roll. Like a california roll, with the added bonus of a wide variety of fresh sashimi toppings, it showcases a range of the core fishes in a sushi chef's arsenal, and leaves plenty of room for creativity. So at each place I review, you will see a little note about the rainbow roll. For better or worse, its the place the comparisons begin.

Enjoy! And if you hate sushi (and read this far anyway for some reason), hang in there. This addiction is not sustainable in the long term, and I will eventually have to find my way back into the light :-)

Until then, YATA!

The Pope= Emperor Palpatine?

2009-05-18T00:30:00.005+01:00

So yea, this has nothing to do with food. Other than I was eating pizza when I saw it. DC has no good pizza places. Papa Johns is about all I order. It makes me sad. There is your food note for the day.

Now on to the real subject of this post.

I was watching the Daily Show, when the profiled this Pope blooper, or 'Plooper' as I believe they called it.

Yea. Change the color of the robe, and you have:

The Holy Roman Emperor. He is German after all!

The Story of My Mom's Lasagana

2009-05-14T20:30:00.007+01:00

So, this mothers day got me thinking. Well, it also got me complaining about how we all got tricked into being jerks if we don't honor Hallmark with all we do a few days a year, but thats besides the point. Marketing worked, and I was thinking about my Mom. Maybe my memory has been colored by the nostalgia of passing years, and a sadly lacking robust adult relationship with her, but I remember the mom of 20 years ago as a domestic goddess. Halloween costumes were handmade, clothing was sewn, the house was immaculate, and dinner was always homemade (and awful for you, but oh so tasty). My mom doesn't pursue these sorts of things anymore with the relish she used to (I think she was the one woman on earth genuinely happy to get a vacuum cleaner for Christmas), but the one thing she still does is make Lasagna. Its our Christmas tradition. These past few years, even though I don't go home anymore and my cousin comes out here for drinks and escape, I still make it.

My family loves its traditions. Not the solemn, reflective, values-based traditions that ground the average corn-fed Mid-Western family, but rather the uproarious, beer-flowing, love-you-for-what-you-are-but-still-gonna-mess-with-you-about-it, show-love-through-food-not-touching, help-build-a-porch-for-you-when-you-need-it kind. On one hand, it means that serious conversations are impossible to have, and relationships that are not natural simply don't deepen. This is sadly why every conversation my mom and I have is something along the lines of "What, I'm working, I'm so busy, you don't understand, how's the dog?, gotta go." On both ends.

On the upside, it means that the few things we have left to connect about, especially now that we don't travel together any more, are these little traditions. For me, and my mom, I think Lasagana is where it all began.

For all the stress and sadness that is elsewhere in her life, my mom retains tremendous pride in this dish. She still makes it right, from start to finish each time. And she is still utterly unable to communicate how to make it to others with annoying, off-topic details like measurements. Its something you have to grow up tasting, watching. Grow up complaining about with the family like the spoiled brat you are, but then bragging about to friends when ma's not listening. Grow into wanting to make yourself. And grow-up to realize that its one of the only things you have left that ties you to your mom. Its precious, beyond the perfect balance of flavor and texture. Its the past of my family, and the future of a relationship.

Here are my mom's own words about this tradition. You can try to make it all you want. But some things are their history as much as they are their substance.

"When Mother's Day rolls around each year it [directs] my thoughts [to] my family. Particularly my daughter and husband. I think how caring they are to me. It makes me think about making my famous lasagna which they love. Learning to make this was an interesting part of my life. When I was 11 years old my neighbor was an older Italian man and one day I started to ask him questions about his sauce as it smelled so good. He said he would show me. We took all the ingredients, tomatoes, garlic paste, sauce, water and gently stirred and the most important factor is to simmer for 3 patient hours to get the well blended taste. Then a few years later I lived for a couple of years with a Sicilian lady and helped her and she asked if i would like to learn to make lasagna the real Italian way. Of course I said yes. She showed me how to mix the ricotta, mozzarella cheese, parsley eggs, milk and then how to layer. The sauce I used from what I learned several years before. This recipe came our very satisfactory for the real Italian way. I served to my family and they love it. It makes me so happy as they deserve it and just these thoughts give me a happy mothers day."

Thanks ma.

Happy Birthday Hammer- Doggie Birthday Cake

2009-05-06T21:19:00.013+01:00

I thought my awkward days of trying to fit into the cool crowd were long gone, relegated to past Junior High dances and makeout parties I would rather forget. I mean, I think I am a pretty interesting person, not awful to look at, with decent taste and a successful job, right? Then why, when I take my beloved mutt to the unofficial dog park just a few blocks away, am I suddenly made to feel like I just turned up in un-ironic flannel and leg warmers to fashion week?

Why? Well, its simple. These are dog people. I thought I was a dog person. I like dogs better than cats, I enjoy a good game of frisbee as much as the next girl. But I was wholly unprepared for the social scene that is the urban dog park. Last week when I was there, someone took pity on me sitting in the corner all designer-poop-bag free and came over to talk. Relieved that someone was willing to chat with me, even though my modest pooch didn't support the upper-east-side crest of a fancy doggie day care, I asked her the requisite dog-related questions: Which one is yours? How old is he? etc. In response, she whipped out a framed photograph that she kept in her purse of her dog's wedding. Yea, read that sentence again. Its as ridiculous as it sounds.

Now, I like to think I have played the cocktail circuit enough for work to be able to think quick on my feet no matter where the conversational tsunami may take me, but none of my rigorous self-taught etiquette prepared me for what the follow up to "oh, here are mira's wedding photographs. We had such a lovely ceremony" might be, when 'Mira' is a 75lb Chesapeake. Ummm...congrats? Where did they honeymoon? Are they registered?

Wow.

I love my dog, don't get me wrong. He's about the best dog in the world. But he does not need clothing, psychotherapy sessions, daily grooming for self-esteem, reasoned discourse about desired behavior beyond "No! and Good dog!", or a pretty little doggie bride.

So no, I am not one of those 'dog people'. All of this is a admittedly defensive preface for the real meat of this post which is how to make a doogie birthday cake. Which is exactly the sort of thing 'dog people' would do. I will just keep telling myself that I did it ironically, and hopefully be able to believe it :-)

Hammer Dog turned 5 last Fri, on May Day. The East is Red and so is my dog. The weather has been beautiful, just cool enough to sit outside comfortably at night with a sweater. Perfect al-fresco dining. I needed an excuse for a dinner party. I figure a little appreciation of the best dog ever, who, for 5 years, has left my shoes happily unchewed, was in order.

I made a leg of lamb, rubbed with honey, cinnamon, cardamom, salt and pepper. It was delicious, and Hammer Dog loves lamb bone above all other treats. Except the laser pointer light. He would forgo food, water, and attention for that little red dot.

But the crowning achievement of this party was the doggie cake. I had never done this before, and wanted to make something that actually looked like cake. I couldn't believe this worked. It smells like death itself, and definitely should cool outside, but there is nothing a dog loves more than something smelling somewhere between dirty diapers and rotting rat carcass. Gross, but true.

Anyway, here is the recipe:

Ingredients:
4 cups dry Dog Food
1 cup flour
1/2 cup cornmeal
1 Tsp baking soda
1/2 cup olive oil
2 eggs
1/4 cup ketchup
1/4 cup oyster sauce (optional, really any savory good that your dog likes will work here)
Salt & Pepper
3/4 Can of Beef Broth

Frosting

4 large potatoes
1/4 can Beef Broth
Food coloring

Directions:
Put the dog food in a food processor and process until almost the consistency of flour. Mix with other dry ingredients Add oil, eggs, sauces and spices and mix. Mixture will be very thick. Add beef broth until mixture has the consistency of lumpy cake batter, about 3/4 cup.

Pour batter into a greased springform pan. Bake at 400 degrees for about 45 minutes, or until toothpick comes out clean. Remove and cool before frosting, preferable outside as this will stink something awful at this point.

Frosting: Peel and boil potatoes until soft in salted water. Remove, strain, and cool. Using the back of a spoon or your hands, push potatoes through a colander so that you have a pie of small tubular mashed potatoes (this keeps them from being lumpy for people to eat if you are also serving them at dinner, and more easily spreadable for frosting. add food coloring to make them a vibrant color (it really looks better if silly), and add about 1/4 cup beef broth to thin and for taste.

When the cake is cool, grease a frosting knife and spread the potatoes on the cake as you would normal frosting. I also wrote a birthday message on the cake in mustard.

For bonus fun, leave the cake accessible to annoying people- it looks so real, and delicious, that they will inevitably be compelled to try. Enjoy the gagging.

Seriously though, Hammer LOVED THIS. He stared at the oven the whole time it was cooking! He was terrified though of the candles!

Yea, I'm a dork.

Twitter

2009-05-06T19:20:00.004+01:00

So I finally succumbed and created a Twitter account for HaochiDC. Find quick updates on places around town, see where HaochiDC is gorging currently, and notes of new and upcoming posts!

Just search for HaochiDC.

See you on the internets!

Yea Milkshakes- A Review of Good Stuff Eatery

2009-04-30T17:54:00.009+01:00

The Eastern Market area is in sad need of some good cheap food options. I have worked my way through every sorry delivery option around, and cry a little each time I am reminded that Papa Johns is the best pizza available. So when a new little burger joint seemed to be moving in the neighborhood, I was of course curious.

So yesterday, back from two months of traveling, I was tired and starving- it was the perfect opportunity to try out Good Stuff Eatery. I illegally parked my little Honda and ran inside to get something quick to go while my dog waited patiently in the car. I figured it was 2 PM, there was no line, how long could it take?
Apparently, a while. This was the only real down point to the place- there was literally no line, but it still took about 10 minutes from order to serving. If this place is to succeed as largely a take-out quickie place, it needs to move faster. There was seemingly no specialization amongst the staff. The girl that took my order also made my turkey burger, and the one who served up the tray also made the shake. There were 3 or 4 other staff hanging around who's role was really anyone's guess. Maybe things just looked disorganized because it was a down time, but still, no excuse for not getting on top of orders with a little haste, especially when a customer has nothing to do but watch.

Ok, but how was the food? Well, the milkshake was amazing! I had a Milky Way shake, which was served with caramel and good fudge in the bottom, fresh homemade ice cream, and bits of malted milk (not so big as to get stuck in the straw, and not so small as loose value as texture). My only thought- they should use bigger straws. Even though it never really got stuck, I had to pucker my mouth and pull my eyes back into my head a bit to get much up through the straw at times. I never understand why places that serve milkshakes (especially ones like this that seem to specialize in them) don't automatically have big fat straws. Makes the experience so much better, especially when there is goo and candy involved.

They also offered a variety of other flavors, to include toasted marshmallow, soursop hop strawberry, and a d-lecheable leche. Will keep trying them and update :-)

As for the burgers? I had a turkey burger that waaaay overdid the cilantro and lemon. A little lemon/cilantro in the avocado spread could be a nice touch, but in an attempt to slam my face repeatedly into how fresh things were there, they waaaaaayy over did the tastes. It completely overwhelmed what I think was a good turkey burger, but can't be sure. Cilantro is one of those tastes that our brain processes as 'fresh'. Parsley and lemon work too. Overwhelming a dish with cilantro is an amateurish way of making it evoke a 'freshness' ethos; in this case, this was particularly misplaced, as most of the food is already quite obviously fresh. There was no need to resort to the cilantro overkill tactic, and it in fact ruined the more subtle freshness that I am pretty sure was there.

The regular burger was delicious, but not much better than five guys (which I love), yet $3 more.

The fries were fantastic- crispy with sea salt, cracked pepper, and rosemary, but not too much of either. They are unique, reasonably portioned (small and large sizes), and delicious.

This is the place to go in the Eastern Market area when you are craving great shakes or fries. Potentially, it could be a great showcase for fresh ingredients and produce in burger form- a little more confidence, and I doubt the cilantro/lemon overload would be a problem. As for the regular burger, to be honest, I think you are better off going to five guys (because I am cheap)- unless you want to fru-fru it up, and in that case check out Ray's Hell Burger in Arlington. That said, the burgers are tasty, and if you came for the shake, hell, stay for a burger!

Damn, now I want a milkshake...

Embarassing Things I Love- Part 2- Lauging Cow and Triscuits Make Mopey Time Delicious

2009-04-23T18:32:00.011+01:00

Laughing Cow cheese, and regular plain Triscuits.....mmmmmm....

When I lived in China, this was often the only cheese I could get. And I have significant cheese-needs.

Anyway, when I am sad for no good reason, like today, this makes it all not so bad. Its not like I feel less sad, rather I somehow get to enjoy a sad day. Like a sick day when your mom brought you soup when you were a kid. Its beauty.

My perfect ratio? 2/3 of a wedge of cheese to one triscuit. Cause I like cheese. YUM!

Embarassing Things I Love- Part 1- Kröllebölle

2009-04-22T22:22:00.011+01:00

So, I can be a pretentious eater. I know. I scoff at supermarket cheese (Eastern Market Cheese Nazi is the man for me), turn my nose away from overcooked meat, and will go to incredible (and often unwise) fiscal and geographic lengths to avoid chain restaurants.

All of this pretension has been acquired in the last ten years. I grew up eating recipes made from soup cans and packages of things bought in bulk, with a once-a-year fancy outing to the Olive Garden to celebrate some common nerd-kid achievement (straight A's! New School! Science Olympiad 1st Place!)

One year in China at age 20 with a corporate expense account and a fancy boyfriend, however, and I was ruined. Well, almost.

Today I had to return five legs to IKEA. I bought six for an ambitious project involving making my new 100 lb TV circa 2003 acquired free from a pilot friend that replaced the buzzing no-name brand obtained free from an Irish guy that lived with us once (which is a whole other story) circa 2000 stay securely on an IKEA shelf that came with the apt and was clearly designed for a plasma bought sometime since Friends went off the air. Hey, I spend my money on food, not gadgets, that should be clear from both my waistline and VCD collection.

Anyway, once I discovered that the project really only involved one leg and a lot of screws (stop giggling), I needed to return the extras. (I stuck a picture in below- hey, I'm pretty proud of this, I designed and built it myself! And it hasn't squished my dog yet!) So began my third visit to IKEA in a month. And I hate shopping.

Well, while at IKEA, I found myself drawn to the cafeteria. I try to bury this feeling like a memory of a gropey uncle, but I suddenly find myself in line , not because I don't have time to get something better, but rather because I have been thinking of Swedish meatballs since I first decided to return to IKEA. When I first bought the extraneous legs, a friend and I made a much-needed stop to sit and collect our thoughts (and talk ourselves out of some unwise modular furniture). Well, something drew me to these little guys, sitting there all congealed and dry looking behind the glass in the mini-cafeteria. Cutsy Swedish names may have been the culprit: kröllebölle....mmmm....I own at least one ill-fitted duvet cover for much the same reason.

I don't know what it is about them. The meatballs are overcooked, the cream sauce processed, and the lingonberry jam, well, its jam made by a furniture store. But somehow, together, something magic happens. The processed-ness of the cream sauce manages to penetrate the meatballs tough outer shell, and the blandness of the resulting combination is just enough to make the lingonberry jam palatable. Its a thing of beauty.

So yea, I love the stuff. I have never bought the take-home variety, but I am fairly confident it just wouldn't be the same. Maybe next time I will buy a pack to give it a try anyway. I am sure I will be back soon. My Schunenbergen needs a Bralogogen with a Garnotter and Mangbanden. Or something like that.

Tasty Bruchetta, Damn the Season! A Review of Cafe BellaLuca!

2009-03-27T04:52:00.012Z

So I love good Bruschetta. I hate the pretentious way people say it - Bru-sketta- but putting up with snarky waiters and the 'Sam-u-el' crowds who can't get enough of Mediterranean-style Italian cuisine (as opposed to those hole in the wall mom-and-pop places that make the most delicious heavy pastas) is worth it if for no other reason than the simple deliciousness of toasted bread and tomatoes at peak freshness.

Now lots of places mess this up. Heavy, bursting-ripe tomatoes need nothing but a tiny bit of high-quality olive oil, a few bits of garlic and really fresh bread to make this perfect dish. As is often the case in life though, it seems restaurants can't control themselves, and add all sorts of additional spices, and, god forbid, even cheese. Its not that I don't like these things together in other forms, mind you. Rather, in the case of Bruschetta, they usually detract from the complex, weighty, and delicious flavor of perfectly ripe tomatoes.

Unfortunately, I am in the desert. And its March. So when I ordered the Bruchetta at Cafe BellaLuca in Truth or Consequences, I shouldn't have expected the 'perfect' celebration of the tomato I so love. What drove me to order something so obviously out of season? Perhaps the hot spring water I soaked in for an hour before dinner got to me.

When a plate of toasted bread heaping with not-so-ripe looking tomatoes and a bunch of other stuff, to include olive oil, balsamic, mozzerellla, basil, lettuce, and at least 2-3 other things was presented, I shouldn't have been surprised. I was decidedly unhopeful for my dinner, but given that I didn't want Mexican or Dairy Queen and am in the middle of nowhere, I was happy to find somewhere that even made a go at Italian food.

The amazing thing? It was DELICIOUS. Its all about the vinegar. It was just pungent enough to compensate for the lack of taste inherent in tomatoes out of season, and they were cautious enough with its application not to overpower the good-quality cheese. I was taken aback. I am going to return home, reexamine all of my fresh tomato-based dishes that I normally file away until June, and see what may be salvageable with the application of some fine vinegar (although I too have a tendency to overdo a good thing, and ruin it when it comes to vinegar; I think I would drink the stuff directly out of the bottle were no one looking).

I was suddenly very optimistic for the whole meal! Unfortunately, nothing else lived up to this early creative and well-executed dish. I got the lasagna, which I think used canned or frozen spinach. Now if there is a single ingredient for which there is no equivalent non-fresh version, it's spinach. You can taste the bitterness of frozen/canned immediately, and it completely overpowers a dish. Add large pieces of obviously canned tomatoes (or maybe just the bruchetta's more tasteless cousins), and it was not good. Even more painful was the $14 price tag for a small dish. For a small meatless pasta dish, made with primarily non-fresh ingredients, this was outrageous. There were a variety of other pastas, pizza, and a few steak/seafood options. Maybe I just choose poorly, but given the quality control on what I did get, I am not hopeful.

I hope dessert would redeem, and perhaps the lasagna was a one-off bad choice, but alas, the cannoli, for which I was initially excited as it was not covered in pistachios like most, was dry and tasteless. Now I like a cannoli that is a little sour on the inside with a sweet crunchy shell, or a shell that is flaky and strong-tasting with a sweet creamy filling, but these were the unfortunate combination of a sour filling with a bland dry shell. I didn't even finish them. Me. I didn't finish my dessert. Unheard of. Add the fact the expresso machine was broken, and the second two-thirds of this meal were profoundly disappointing. I should have tried the Gelato. Other deserts were your typical Olive Garden variety, although I imagine at least homemade- Tiramisu, Creme Brulee, molten chocolate cake. I was reluctant to go for them as the presence of all three made it seem a bit too chain-Italian generic. If only one were on the menu, and a few other more unique options, I would have felt more confident.

Now perhaps I am being judgy, given where BellaLuca is located. I am only here a night, but I get the distinct sense that Truth or Consequences is not brimming with culinary masterpieces. Given the choices, it seems like a pretty good option. The interior is warm, open, and inviting, , the initially overly cheesy aggressive approach of the waiter, once it was clear I just wanted to read in by the window and not make lame jokes the service was polite, effective and excellent. It took a long time to get my food, but I was there early, so it could have just been that the pan of lasagna wasn't ready yet. Fresh beats quick, and it wasn't too long (about 20 min).

Worth going, if you are in T or C, but mostly beacuse there are few other options. Even the attempt to have something nice and interesting is commendable here- I hope the chef keeps trying, and works on every dish count. For now, just order two plates of Bruchetta, and get some ice cream at Dairy Queen!

Shady Dell and Dot's Diner, Bisbee Arizona

2009-03-24T19:53:00.009Z

So I have been missing for 10 days, I know. Been on a road trip out to a work conference near Tucson, and have been delightfully out of contact. Conference started today though, so since I am back in work mode anyway, I thought it was time to post a bit. I have collected a huge backlog of places from this trip already, so beware a storm coming!

I am staying in Bisbee Arizona. Bisbee, in addition to being endlessly fun to say, is this incredible and unique intersection of hippies and libertarians, where everyone can agree that everyone can be however they want. It's up high in the mountains with lots of wonderful breezes, cheap prices, sunlight, and a fantastic and assorted amount of crazies to check out.

Shady Dell, where I am staying is one of the most delightfully odd places I have ever come across. Its a trailer park. Yes, a trailer park. Before you are overcome with worry that your favorite urban liberal has suddenly lost her teeth and looking for someone with a nice truck to make babies with, know that its unlike any trailer park I have ever seen.

I am staying in a 1957 El Ray. The whole park is full of these neat vintage, fully restored trailers from the 1950's. They are restored perfectly, down to every little detail, with working fixtures, stoves, bathrooms, etc. There are even period radios and TVs that broadcast programs and music from the era. Its amazing, nothing is out of place. I even have a little piece of astroturf and some bright blue chairs outside my trailer to call my own. Even the staff wears period outfits/makeup etc. Its a little creepy, and totally fun. Its so well done, so perfect and so comfortable that were it anywhere else, it would cost hundreds a night and feel fake. But here in Bisbee, the park serves the function it would have even in 1957- its a relatively cheap, relaxing, easy place to stay while exploring a great little town. For $85 a night, there is no better option around! There are few things in the world that make me as happy as weird Americana, and here it is in full force.

On site is this cute little diner, called Dot's. Now its closed on Wed and Thur, opens at 7:30 in the morning and isn't open for dinner. Since I am staying Mon night through Thur morning, and have to leave for work at 7am, this means that a rushed trip back at lunch time was my only chance. It was worth it!

I got a burger and chips (they don't have fries) which were good, and the most delicious chocolate malt ever. Their pies and cakes are glorious looking, which accounts for why I plan to head back in two hours, right before they close, and get some pie and more ice cream. Everything just tastes 'real', totally unlike fake diner food you get at chains. They had a black bean burger, which with mushrooms and cheese sounded delicious as well. Breakfast all day. Although frying an egg isn't rocket science, a willingness to do so with a ton of fresh butter and a local organic egg that actually tastes like egg would be delicious, I am sure. Alas, I only have time for one meal and one pie gorging that I am sure to regret tonight.

The service is half the fun too- everyone knows everyone from this little town, and locals are stopping in with standing orders all the time. Despite being a replica in the most obvious way (themed trailer park, costumed staff) the fact that it has 10 seats, is in a tiny town in the middle of nowhere, and does a genuine local business mean that Dots Diner is something fundamentally different than a tourist trap or fake nostalgia. Rather, it, and Shady Dell in general, reflect a genuine desire to live in a different world from the modern one which is America today. Crazy little Bisbee is the rare unique setting in which such a thing can be genuinely done, with little irony or cheesiness. No one is denying the reality around them at Shady Dell and Dot's; rather they are enhancing it with their own unique choice of lifestyle. I am glad I got to join in for a few days (or even just a lunch, and pie!)

Nutmeg, I'm Fu@*ing Matt (car)Damon

2009-03-11T14:45:00.011Z

Dear Nutmeg,

We had a great run. You taught me that peach pie could have some bite, you foiled the mice that would chew leaves in my garden, you even rubbed yourself on my turkey a few times (oh yea you did).

But someone new has come into my life, and I really need to give them a chance.

Yes, you know him, I believe he even works with you at Spicecabinet, INC. It doesn't matter what his name is.

Look, you know we haven't been getting along so well recently. Ever since the accident (and your unfortunate lid-cracking), you haven't been the same. You mess up the house, leak all over, and really, I think have been pretty bland and stale. A couple of times when you couldn't perform, I was forced to look elsewhere for love, and well, while cinnamon and anise were good flings, it was cardamon that made me see the light.

Shoot, well there, now you know his name. Its not his fault. If it wasn't him, it would have been someone else. I know I saw lemon zest looking at me a little too long last time I was around your place.

Cardamon just gets me. He's lemony without being sour, and is as comfortable in a sweet pie as he is in a spicy curry. He doesn't mind me spicing things up by bringing allspice, cinnamon, the cloves, or even thyme along with us when we get to it. You never wanted to share the spotlight.

Its not serious or anything- I hope that he also makes his way around my group of friends. He's so delicious, its a sin to keep him to myself. I hope they try him out.

I even heard that he has a black brother that is, well, even more talented. So maybe I might look him up.

Anyway, I digress.

I just need some space.

But, I will always think of you, and who knows, maybe someday, on a hot June afternoon, when the peaches are ripe, I might come calling back around your place.

In the meantime, lets just play our song one last time.

Love always,

Joyce

Creamy Sauteed Mushrooms in Yogurt Sauce

2009-03-11T00:07:00.010Z

So I came home from work with a hankerin (yes, hankerin, still thinkin about those Texans!) for something garlicky. In my quest to use all the veggies I got from my last shipment before I leave Friday for a trip, I noticed there were still a few packages of mushrooms in the back of the fridge. A few days past perfect, these were not meant for eating raw in salad or the like. Sooooo.....I harkened back to one of my favorite harrrrrible-for-you foods, and decided to go for some sauteed mushrooms.

Doesn't sound that bad for you you say? Well a little context- when I say 'sauteed mushrooms', I mean these butter and garlic covered fist-sized wonders we used to get at the renaissance fair (yes, I was/am a dork, nothing revelatory there) when I was a kid. My aunt would take my cousin and I, and we would get a cone full of these things that probably took 10 yrs off my life. There was no better warm up on earth for a whole day of whining about wanting to do things and looking for just the right opportunity to shove ones' little cousin in elephant poop (sorry Stephen, I can't believe you still talk to me!). From that moment on, I had a love affair with mushrooms.

Believe it or not, I was the pickiest eater in the world when I was a kid. The one somewhat commonly disliked type of thing I would dig into with abandon was mushrooms, the earthier and more fungus-like the better. My best friend from high school shared this love, and often, as we started inching out into culinary worlds beyond Olive Garden (probably more for love of the idea of being rich/fancy/sophisticated enough one day to regularly enjoy them vice any actual love of food), mushrooms were often the motivating factor for selecting a dish on a confusing and unfamiliar menu. Although I exercise a little more caution now (filled with breadcrumbs and cheese is reserved for sports bars and my living room), I still can't get enough of the little guys.

So here I am, freed from my food aversions and fear of trying things by a few years in a country where food was weird, I had no money, and my ability to grasp the subtle linguistic nuances between 'feet' and 'cabbage' was limited to say the least, nevertheless hankerin for some comfort food of my childhood.

Ingredients:
2 cartons of mushrooms (white button are best)
1/2 stick butter
a TON of garlic- as much as you can stand to peel and squish really- I used about 1/4 cup of fresh stuff here
2 tsp salt
1 tsp pepper
1 cup yogurt or sour cream. I like good thick greek yogurt, but any thick sour milk product will do
1/4 cup fresh parsley (roughly chopped)
2 tbsp fresh dill (roughly chopped)

Melt the butter in a large saute pan. Add the garlic (shallots are a good addition here too if you are in the mood) and saute for 2 minutes. Slice the mushrooms and add all at once. Put about half of the parsley in at this point. Add the salt and pepper, and saute until mushrooms are soft, but not totally cooked down (about 3 minutes on high).

Once mushrooms have cooked down, poor a little of the liquid from the pan into a bowl. Whisk in the yogurt (this will keep it from curdling when you add it). Then poor the yogurt mix back into the saute pan, add the rest of the parsley and dill, and simmer until hot all the way through.

Remove from heat, and serve! Delicious!

Move over England, the Texans are Invading Ireland!

2009-03-10T02:58:00.007Z

So the title might be a little inflammatory.....but can anyone explain the presence of a 20 intensely Texan rancher looking dudes in Irish Channel today?

Irish Channel is about my favorite pub in Chinatown, not nearly as full of annoying happy-hour crowds as Fado, great bar food (if you are not up for food, Rocket bar is pretty great too, although a bit more full of fratties). So imagine my surprise when, as I gorged myself on a Chicken Quesadilla and Pot Pie (yea, nothing healthy about either of these, but delicious, especially when your earlier meals were some sort of crazy healthy-vegetable-worship nonsense - see http://haochidc.blogspot.com/2009/03/joy-of-fresh-produce-washingtons-green.html), and a whole herd of coyboy-hat-wearing-wrangler-jean-buying-gay-marriage-opposing-hard-workin-stereotype-in-flannel Texans were enjoying a drink right next to me.

Not since the year I spend in glorious San Angelo west Texas, two hours from an interstate and ten times that from cheese not spelled with a 'z' have I been around such a large group of folks wearing coyboy hats unironically. It was great.

It makes me smile to be reminded that all joking aside there are still genuine cultures out there in America, especially since I live in a yuppified, often culturally (in the funny accents and interesting clothing way, not the tiny forks and raised pinky way) lacking eastern seaboard city. DC has lots of international stuff, sure. But sometimes I miss the ethnic neighborhoods of Chicago, and yes, it hurts me to say, the genuinely unique culture of West Texas.

So hooray Irish Channel, and hooray Texas. I had a drink for you. Well, a diet coke. But San Angelo was in a dry county after all......

The Joy of Fresh Produce- Washington's Green Grocer

2009-03-09T19:02:00.006Z

From time to time I will post images of something just dirt-on-the-roots, tastes-like-sunlight fresh that I have been lucky enough to come across and add to my kitchen. The source of these culinary miracles?

Washington's Green Grocer - http://www.washingtonsgreengrocer.com/

This is a small local business that sources the freshest in local (as much as possible) produce and delivers it to your door. Far from a faceless grocery delivery service, there is the worlds easiest web interface where you can make last minute changes to your weekly/biweekly or other box. You choose the frequency and size of your delivery- everything from a few pieces of fruit for your work lunch to a large box suitable for a large family who loves their veggies. There is an organic box for those who lean that way as well.

Each week the owner sends out a personal email and newsletter. I love that it lets you know where your food is coming from, what is coming into season, and what to salivate over until your next box!

I recently read the "The Ominvore's Dilemma" on the advice of a friend (the same one who recommended Washington's Green Grocer in fact!), and have become mildly obsessed with buying food locally. Its not some psydo-hippie do-gooder desire to save the world- you don't even need to get into a normative discussion. Rather, local stuff just tastes better. As a kid who grew up in that mid-western culinary wasteland of canned vegetables and homemade dishes that combined things from packages in new, delicious, and high-fructose-corn-syrup-tastic ways, the revelation that fruits and veggies taste better when they haven't been on a plane for 2 days and when in season was salvation. I mean, I know I don't preserve well packed in a box (the seats are very small on UA4662) traveling for 20 hours from a farm in the Philippines, I don't know why I ever expected a melon to!

Washington's Green Grocer runs cheaper that buying items in a supermarket in the district, even the unSafeway near my home. The produce is just out of this world, the delivery reliable, and my order has been perfect every time, even when I insist on substituting out all the potatoes and greens for more delicious kiwifruits (by the way, anyone have a recipe for kiwifruit, I have alot of them :-).

It has changed the way I cook and eat. A desire not to waste the delicious food I get every other week makes me innovate in my cooking, and has taught me to make quickie veggie dishes that are faster than waiting for a pizza, and much much better for me.

So enough fawning for now, but expect more. I am leaving town for a few weeks, and have stopped delivery until I get back. Once back, I will post a pic of my latest box, and as always, let you know what I do with the contents!

Thanks again Green Grocer for helping me fall in love with food!

Below is a sample email they send each week- I love how easy it is!

"Good Morning, we hope everyone had a great weekend!

We're starting to work our way back up the coast...with Georgia and the Carolinas coming on first...we should start to see some Virginia and PA produce in a few weeks.

We had hoped for some local baby spinach (PA) but our co-op had a mishap with a cooler over the weekend, and everything picked over the weekend froze in the cooler...not good! We should have some local baby spinach and chard for next week.

We will also be posting a harvesting schedule from one or two of our growers/co-ops so that you can see ROUGHLY when items will become available thoughout the season. That schedule will be on the website, and we'll send another email once it's posted.

okay...this week's list...

Romaine lettuce (Boston for organic box)
Sugar Snap Peas
Carrots w/ greens
Cucumbers
Grape Tomatoes
White Corn (Green Beans for organic box)
Vidalia Onions (Yellow Squash for organic box)

Tangelos
Grapefruit
Mango (Kiwi for organic box)
Bananas
Bosc Pears (D'Anjou Pears for organic box)

The newsletter is already up at...

http://www.washingtonsgreengrocer.com/news4-21-08.pdf

the link for making changes...

http://www.washingtonsgreengrocer.com

We hope everyone has a great week, we'll see you on delivery day!

Zeke and Lisa

Cinnamon Rolls

2009-03-09T02:27:00.008Z

I am an emotional eater. Not a my-boyfriend-frowned-at-me-eat-a-whole-pint-of-ben-and-jerry's eater mind you, but when I have had a tough day, when I feel the love for someone in my life, when I am celebrating, when I am mourning, I cook. My family doesn't hug and kiss, we feed. Food is affection to me, for better (my taste buds) or worse (my waistline).

Combine this with a rather strenuous need to have a system for everything and the result is a menu for every occasion, a specialty for every emotion.

Lately the occasion that has dominated my psyche has been travel, both mine and that of people I care about. And traveling brings with it certain opportunities that living downtown in a big city, eating out with fancy people often does not- namely, road food. Or airport food, as the case may be. And few things make me salivate and ignore the snugness of my pants more than the smell of Cinnabon across the airport after a long flight, usually from barbaric culture that does not know the joy of free refills, liberal use of deodorant, and gooey, sticky, teeth-crackingly sweet head sized cinnamon rolls.

I, however, will not be at an airport anytime soon, as most of my travel will be by car. Nevertheless, I woke up craving the taste. Helps that a certain man in my life shares my passion, and was coming over that evening for dinner. I've been slowly working my way through various breads, and thought that maybe the time had come to give cinnamon rolls another shot, after an epic failure a few years ago that resulted in a 4pm Sat binge trip to Cinnabon in the South Bend mall and some pretty hateful self commentary after finishing off a pack of 6.

If you want them for breakfast, make them the day before, refrigerate, and reheat in the oven the next morning. These are actually even better reheated, something about being in the fridge makes the goo even yummier! I accidentally cut mine too thin (3/4 inch thick, before rising), I recommend about 2 inches.

The rolls are easy:
Ingredients:
-Bread-
2 packs of yeast
1 cup milk or water
4 cups of flour
1 cup Brown sugar
1/2 cup butter
1 tsp nutmeg or cardamon
1 tsp salt

-Filling-
1 cup of brown sugar
2 tsp cinnamon
1/2 cup butter

-Frosting-
equal parts cream cheese and butter
two parts powdered sugar to cream cheese and butter
lemon and vanilla extract to taste

Scald the milk, let cool to about 105 degrees, and then add the yeast and brown sugar and one cup flour. Fold together. Let the yeast sponge grow for 30 min or so in a warm place.

Once the yeast mix is a bit foamy, add the the butter (softened) and fold in the flour a little at a time. Use only enough to get the dough firm and just past sticky. Too much will dry it out. Fold in the salt and spices last. Kneed the heck out of it, 10 min in a mixer with a dough hook, 20 min by hand (if you are good at it, more if you are new to this). Form into a ball, and put into a greased bowl (roll it around a bit to coat the outside of the dough- this prevents a crust from forming). Cover with a loose towel. Let rise about 40 min in a warm place

Once dough has doubled in size, punch down and let rise an additional 30 min.

Once dough has again doubled in size, roll it out into a large rectangle. Cream together the filling ingredients and spread over the dough. The butter should be very soft, and using your hands works best.

Then roll the dough from the bottom long edge to the top. Once the dough is rolled, slice into 2in slices and place on a pan with plenty of room to rise and spread out. Put in a warm place and let rise for an hour.

I like to use an egg wash on the rolls, but this isn't strictly necessary.

Bake for about 1 hr, or until golden. I like to make additional filling on the stove by mixing another set of filling ingredients in a pan, adding just enough water to make things dissolve, and then poring it on top of the just-out-of-the-oven rolls.

To make the frosting, whip together frosting ingredients until fluffy, about 8-9 min in an electric mixer. I really like to add the lemon/vanilla extracts at this point (using lemon juice vice extract will negatively affect the texture of the frosting for this recipe by preventing it from getting a little bit of a butter-cream like shell on the outside). I put a LOT of this on the warm rolls, and viola, deliciousness!!

If you are refrigerating the rolls, you can make a simple glaze from powdered sugar and milk and poor it over the rolls (prevents them from drying out). Make the frosting and set aside. Once you are ready to reheat, add the frosting on top, pop them in the oven on low, and yum!

Le Pain Quotidien - Eastern Market Location - Review

2009-03-09T01:21:00.010Z

So I have been to this place a bunch of times, with very mixed results.

On a weekday, it is a wonderful place to sit and read (although I agree with previous reviews- they really need blinds or curtains, the sun is scalding, and now that its getting warmer, its downright uncomfortable in there).

The food is top-notch- best muffins around, unlike anything I have had elsewhere. Avacado tartine was wonderful, and I am crazy for the apple cider. I like that the menu has the caloric values listed....keeps me from going too crazy :-)

The service though.....unbelievably awful. On a normal weekday, its pretty average, no complaints. But I went this past weekend, and it was prob the worst experience I have ever had. Ironic, since I thought the place it replaced, Bread and Chocolate, won that award for Eastern Market. Seems I was sadly mistaken.

We wanted to sit outside- they only have 10 tables or so out there. There was a sign to wait for the hostess to seat you (an nowhere to wait, which is annoying when it gets crowded on a weekend). We couldn't find anything that looked like a hostess, and the other door (front) had the same sort of chaos going on. We finally asked someone, and they just said to find a table on our own. Which was even more chaotic, but eventually, we waited out a table, chased off the other people who were about waiting (it was hard to see who was first, since there was no line or place to wait together, so people were scattered), and sat. And sat. We waited 25 min, and then I got up and got a menu myself. We waited 15 more min, and I asked a passing waitress (they have not making eye contact down pat, it was impossible to flag someone) if we had a waitress. She responded, visibly annoyed at me 'arugh, I'll tell someone inside'. A neighboring table overheard, laughed, and said that it took them 45 min to get served, don't hold our breath. Another table that sat down after us had similarly given up and retrieved menus themselves. We waited another 10 min, and no waitstaff came to our table, so I went inside. I spoke to who I think was the manager at the take-out counter, and asked if we could just order at the counter and eat outside, since we hadn't seen a waiter. He agreed, and I think yelled at someone who was supposed to be serving outside, but that's unclear. I asked for the muffin I had been craving, and of course, they were out of it. At that point, I was done. We left, having spent an hour there, and never having even been offered menus, much less food.

A shame, since when its not crowded, the food is excellent, and the service good. But I think they really need to work out some sort of system on weekends. I don't think I will be back.

http://www.lepainquotidien.com/

Asia Nine Bar & Lounge- Review

2009-03-08T04:47:00.003Z

I came to Asia Nine for a birthday, and was blown away by the service. My friend had neglected to make a reservation for her birthday, despite it being 20 people at a popular restaurant on a Sat night. I know. I was chatting to the bartender while waiting for her to arrive and mentioned this, and, after a look of panic, he jumped to it. Without my even asking (I was expecting to not get a table and be awkwardly crammed at the bar all night, only to give up at the first polite moment and go elsewhere), he managed to section off an end of the bar, set up a system for us to order efficiently from the bar, and tell the hostess to send everyone back to our area. Totally above and beyond, and I am so grateful- what luck!

The food was pretty good (standard Asian-fusion stuff), and the drinks were great fruffy things. Great Saki and Shochu selection as well. But what really made the place was the incredibly accommodating service.

Not as annoying trendy of a crowd either, surprisingly, given the decor and feel of the place. A great place to have a trendy night without it being over the top pretentious.

Red Velvet Cupcakery- Review.

2009-03-08T04:35:00.003Z

(thanks cupcakestakethecake.com for the pics!)

So in my recent and growing obsession with tiny frosted cakes, I had oddly yet to get to the new Chinatown bakery, Red Velvet Cupcakery. Especially strange, since 50% of my social time is spent wandering Chinatown trying to figure out what to eat....Anyway, finally made it here last weekend with the boyfriend and his sister (also a cupcake fan). Now maybe its not the smoothest thing in the world when meeting the family of the significant other for the first time to buy four cupcakes in one shot, but I do have such a tough time choosing. Terror of commitment. Yea. That's the message I wanted to broadcast in this situation. Oh well, I enjoyed them!

I can't give any cupcake place less than a 4 stars it seems, cause I really do just love them. This place works if you choose wisely- the devils food frosting was too chewy- not nearly as tasty as it looks. The big winner- Peanut butter. sweet, but a little salt on top makes it not overwhelming, like most dessert peanut butter things. Delicious without being sickly, its about the best peanut butter cupcake I have ever had.

Also had red velvet, which was pretty tasty- good amount of cream cheese for my tastes.

Birthday cake- this was great as well- delicious cake. Its like most places just give up when making yellow cake- this was flaky and moist and yummy!

Overall, great place to hit up if you are in Chinatown anyway, and in the mood. Not the best cupcakes around, but a tasty, if expensive, diversion.

Why Haochi?

2009-03-08T03:26:00.003Z

I have discovered in my little life that deliciousness is in abundance in surprising places. No place taught me this as much as China, so my inaugural attempt at a blog dedicated to all things delicious bears the Chinese name. Be it the amazingly tender/spicy veggies in an otherwise offensive bovine lung hot pot, finding the hidden savory sweetness in an often bitter chewy world gets me up and out the door every morning. Well most mornings. Sometimes that sweetness is in my own kitchen. Enjoy!

Taberna De Alabardero - Restaurant Week

2008-08-22T16:30:00.005+01:00

So this one is a little overdue, apologies.

I was inclined to just write 'eh', and the short little review below is not that far off. Nothing so spectacular or awful to really make for an interesting post, alas.

Anyway, here is the review I wrote for Yelp.....

Good, but not great....I think they dial it in a bit for restaurant week. They start with an exceptionally limited menu, with lots of up-charges, which really defeats the purpose in my mind. The Goat was spectacular....the rockfish less so. Desserts less than inspired, and service seems disdainful at best"

The Prime Rib- Restaurant Week

2008-08-18T21:20:00.003+01:00

I AM Abe Froman, the sausage KING of Chicago.

Or so I needed to be to garner service worthy of the place at The Prime Rib last Wed.

OK. I get it. Places like this HATE the crowds they get on Restaurant Week. Waiters get smaller tips, people use the wrong forks, suits contain polyester, good wine continues to age in the cellar while cheap swill is heartily consumed, I get it. But then why even play?

I was only able to get a 6pm reservation (I was originally offered 5pm, but through shameless use of a name drop was able to swing an hour later). Although the busboys were still getting dressed and the elderly couples had only started on their salad course, it was at least a somewhat acceptable time to begin eating.

I had talked my best friend and another friend of ours (a former manager of XX in NYC) into joining me right after work. We were seated right away, and the service, while haughty, was attentive and spot on, as one would expect somewhere like here. I was put off when the waiter approached our table, and just said "tap water, not bottle, right?" It was a pretty bold assumption. The bitter swill I was offered as a first wine selection (he gave us a taste from an open bottle at the bar) was equally insulting, no less so than when in response to my comment that 'it was ok, but I think would overpower everything we ate', he noted that 'well, its the price', especially as I never gave an indication that we were limited in anyway in this regard. Once I made it clear that we were comfortable paying for something off the real wine list, we did in fact find something nice in the $70 range. The waiter also assumed we were here for restaurant week, and didn't offer us the real menu. A correct assumption, but mildly off-putting nonetheless. I get that I am young, and that I had an early reservation during Restaurant Week; the rest of the year, however, I will not hesitate to drop $200 on a great meal though, so charm me and I will be back loyally time and time again. Any good restaurant can provide impeccable service to its usual clientele; the mark of truly great restaurant service is how at home and comfortable it makes those not accustomed to such privilege feel when they indulge in it. There are restaurants that come down to the level of the dinner (we call them Applebees), restaurants that disdain diners who are not at their level (Prime Rib fell into that category) and the rare restaurant that elevates the common diner it's own level, briefly letting her escape into a world outside her own. This is the great joy of fine dining, and unfortunately, not something I saw at Prime rib.

That said, even the scraps afforded to us commoners were superb.

The food was excellent. Nothing fancy- soup/salad, steak, and cheesecake/key lime pie. The prime rib was on offer- usually, steakhouses are a poor choice for Restaurant Week because they don't put the good stuff on the menu, but The Prime Rob, true to name, did not skimp. It was a smaller portion than the normal (not only expected, but appreciated for a three course dinner at 6pm!), but delicious. The tomato soup was exquisite- not too sharp and acidic, nor so creamy that you couldn't taste the tomatoes that are so great this time of year. The Key Lime Pie was nothing special, but a nice wrap up. We did not have the salad, but from the looks of it, they toss it at the table, and it looked fresh and generous.

This is the steakhouse that others imitate- wood-paneled interior, old-school service (even in their haughtiness to those of us clearly not yet in the club), a pianist and bassist. It is the perfect place to appreciate this city we live in- where nostalgia for and a fascination with the vestiges of old-world power meet with the modern practitioners of it. The dining room is intimate, the service impeccable if disdainful of us peasants. The prime rib is out of this world. I will be back, for the regular menu at a reasonable time in a nicer suit. We will see how things go then

Until then, this is a great Restaurant week pick- it is exactly what this week is all about. It made a unique DC luxury accessible for many, and gave a few of us just the incentive we needed to go back. A 30% tip this time should help with the elevation issues next time around :-)

Dino- Restaurant Week

2008-08-13T18:04:00.003+01:00

Two hours of great wine, food and friends, at a place I had not tried yet but will definitely be back to- this is what restaurant week is all about! I kicked off the season at Dino in Cleveland Park...and it did not disappoint.

I had an old friend in town (a self-described knuckle dragging airforce pilot). He stopped off in DC en route to Del Rio Texas from Japan, and I thought before he goes to the only place I know more isolated than San Angelo, I should get some tasty non-cheddar based food in him. Another friend of mine, Michael (who is about the best dinner partner a girl could hope for - never less than three courses, 2 hours, and 2 bottles of wine!) has been raving about Dino in Cleveland Park, so I thought this might be a good try. Of course, Michelle came along too!

Dino's is doing restaurant week all of Aug, and pulling no stops. The whole menu is on order, so you can get whatever you want for each course. In my mind, this is what Restaurant Week is all about. We each ordered different things and shared, while settling in with two wonderfully selected bottles of wine brought to us by a waiter that was pretty delicious himself.

Appetizers consisted of :
Veggie Antipasto - with imported stem artichoke, mozzarella di bufala (flown in fresh from Italy on Sun and Thur, I think), pecorino cheese
prosciutto - made in the old fashioned manner by a small family prosciuttificio where they age these hand salted gems a full 500 days.
Soft 3 Cheese Polenta {Asiago, Fontal & Gorgonzola} with assorted roasted mushrooms
Braised Meatballs - traditional Venetian snack: braised veal & pork meatballs with ricotta, garlic, herbs, egg & bread crumb in a light tomato sauce.

The mozzarella is out of this world- unlike anything readily available in the US. Light and fluffy, with a strong but amenable taste, and perfect compliment to the prosciutto. The Polenta was my favorite (really!)- just the right amount of flavor, creamy, and with a hint of earthiness that went wonderful with the potent vinegar used to marinate the veggies.

For our main course, we requested a wine that was more 'grrrrr' than the previous bottle- really, we were a little tipsy already. Our tasty waiter paused, and said "got the perfect thing". And it was. I really can't compliment enough the uncanny ability of the waitstaff to match well with our orders- I expect it from a sommelier, but its notable in a waitstaff, especially during a week of puny Restaurant Week tips.

Mains were:
Pappardelle ai Cinghiale - Wild Boar - house made ribbon pasta, chunks of wild boar, crushed tomato, onions, golden raisins, celery, carrots, red wine, garlic, herbs & spices, grana cheese Maialino - Milk Fed Young Pig - herb rubbed, roasted on the rotisserie with smashed fingerlings
And a delicious Venison steak I can no longer find on their online menu.

The pasta was a good base, although nothing to make you weak. Personally, I adored the venison, although Michael was less than enamored. This might have been because he had been devouring the delicious Maialino- so soft you could almost spoon it up- and the more gamy taste of the venison was harsh after the Maialino. The juices were wonderful when mixed with the noodle dish. Great portions as well- just enough for all four of us to have a good portion of each dish, but not necessitating a superfans heart restart.

Dessert was inspired. Michael's favorite is hands down the espresso and homemade gelato. His description of its various delicious stages of melting and blending as you taste it, mixing of hot and cold, sweet and bitter, left all of us a little breathless and red from inappropriate thought (oh who am I kidding, there is no embarrassment here, I was ready to sneak off upstairs with whoever walked by next). It was exquisite. Michael says he often comes by late at night just to get the dessert, after the kitchen is closed, and I believe it. This habit would probably be bad for any relationship I were in though, as I am pretty sure that there is no sensuous energy left after this. Its like frozen birth control.

I had a peppercorn gelato with candied plums that was out of this world. The perfect balance of strange and powerful tastes that was just the perfect finish to a strong meal. I left feeling indulged, full, and glorious (the two bottles of wine and free shot of something that comes with the dinner probably helped that along).

The other desserts, “Cappuccino” di Nutella- nutella & mascarpone crema, bourbon soaked sour cherries topped with whipped cream & cocoa powder and Gianduia - “Nico” hazelnut gelato with toasted hazelnuts atop bittersweet chocolate gelato with chopped chocolate, chocolate sauce & whipped cream were less uniquely inspiring but good nonetheless.

All in all, we all left full of great conversation, wine, and some of the best restaurant week food I have had. I will DEFINITELY be going back sometime soon. We closed the place down, and I would absolutely recommend you do the same. Spend a few hours, try everything, and take advantage of the great wine parings. Its worth every minute and penny. Not a place to rush.......Make it a Sat night, with a few old friends, and try a little of everything. This is eating at its best.

Restaurant Week in DC.......

2008-08-13T14:02:00.002+01:00

So, its that time again. Unlike most years, the realization that the happiest time in all the year was nearly upon me did not come too late, and I was able to get a few decent reservations for Restaurant Week. For us poor government employees normally relegated to happy hour specials and appetizers at the bars of great restaurants, peering longingly into the windows envying the well-suited lobbyists frivolously ordering 15yr old scotch and lobster courses, Restaurant Week provides the rare chance to break in and try the best (and worst) that DC has to offer.

In some ways, this is a win-win proposition. At best, you discover a great new place, or a new item on the menu of an old favorite, and have a great meal for $35. At worst, you walk away from a $35 meal grateful that you did not waste a bonus, birthday, or wealthy date on the experience. Of course when you have six reservations in five days, all accompanied by a few bottles of wine (exquisitely paired with each course naturally), it becomes what you buy instead of, say, your rent or non-ramen lunches for the month. But still, its wonderful.

I do love this week. This year, I was ecstatic to remember that restaurant week was coming in time to actually get great reservations . Ok, so 6 pm, strongly argued up from 5 pm, at The Prime Rib isn't the best time, but still, I was lucky to get something at all. At least there might be someone other than busboys starting a shift and an elderly senator from South Carolina in the room.

In preparation for DC Restaurant Week, I was trolling for blogs, websites, anything that discussed the best places to go, and came up dry. There is seemingly a lack of good info out there, which is a shame given the great disparity in how many restaurants approach this week. I have eaten at places that really went all out to present a great image and seek new customers, places that used the week to try out fantastic, awful, and always interesting new menu options, and places that seem to inexplicably participate in the most begrudging way, openly snarling at the poor masses that mob otherwise fine establishments demanding decent service and a chance to discover a new special location. Even though, as previously explained, I do really feel that the week is win-win, whether a meal is good or bad, I still definitely try to seek out the tasty places, and put this blog forth as a hopeful resource for others looking for something a little special.

With that said, here is the lineup, all dinners (sorry kids, I work where there is no fine cuisine, and only a halfway decent chance of making it to your car without mace, so no lunches):

Dino, Sat 9 Aug
TenPenh, Mon 11 Aug
Taberna del Alabardero, Tues 12 Aug
The Prime Rib, Wed 13 Aug

Its already Thur, so I will try and get back reviews out there ASAP. Otherwise, The Prime Rib looks like its first up!

Blackout! This Week's Garden Report, Late Aug 2003

2003-08-30T20:54:00.001+01:00

Due to labor strife a news blackout has been imposed on the garden.

Usurption and Team Dissent: This Week's Garden Report, Jul 2003

2003-07-25T20:50:00.001+01:00

Well, the all-star break is over and there is much to be done in the
garden. The weeds, once again led by Creeping Charlie, are infiltrating the lawn.
I'm going to the hardware store to find some agent orange to get rid of it for
good this time. Charlie don't surf and never will.
I'm having some major problems on the field this summer. I have mentioned a
lack of discipline out there and it seems to be getting worse. The Mums are
starting to bloom almost a month early and the Shasta Daisies are pissed. There
are some hard feelings about playing time. I don't blame them, this has always
been their time of the year and they don't need to be upstaged by a bunch of
Mums who can't wait their turn. I've threatened the Mums with the weedwacker
but they know it's all bluff. I'm in a quandary, how do you discipline a plant?
Major work is being done in the Rita Reserve (my neighbor's yard). New bushes are being
installed and the weeds from Wayne's world (back neighbor's yard) are being forced into retreat. I've done
some big time deforestation in Wayne's yard under the cover of daylight. I'm
slowly taking over the neighborhood.

Round 2 Picks: This Week's Garden Report, Houseplant Supplement: July 2003

2003-07-15T20:46:00.001+01:00

I recently moved back from Singapore to Texas, and picked up some plants my mother was caring for in my absence. Well after a year long stint with their mean old foster mom, they are back with me. However, they are not so thrilled. Like any good mom, I stuffed them in the back of the car with the windows shut in the ridiculously hot Texas sun for four days with no sun. The have told me that what really upset them was that they could just see us enjoying our water and light, but they were condemned to what is essentially plant hell, the back seat of a packed Saturn. there have been more than a few requests that if there is to be a repeat performance, I should buy an SUV with lots of space for them- makes more CO2 for their outside-dwelling family. In fact, that should be the car makers big campaign. Having a Canyonero or whatever is good for the environment, cause it puts more CO2 into the air for the plants to eat....
Anyway, they are settling into their new home with an understandable degree of hesitation. I think the big tall one may have ADD (doesn't everyone these days?). He keeps changing which way he is growing. Can't pay attention to any one light stream.
The little ones are stepping out, stretching their legs and seem more forgiving. Still giving me lip though.

The Consequences of Going AWOL: This Weeks Garden Report, Early July 2003

2003-07-06T20:42:00.001+01:00

Before I embarked on my journey I left very clear instructions with my
little fuzzy friend Lightning how I wanted things to operate in my absence, but did he care?
Nobody listens, nobody cares!
I returned from my adventures in Texas to find the garden in turmoil.
Nothing had been watered, nothing had been weeded. The flowers are all blooming out
of turn. Yellow ones blooming right next to blue ones. Discipline has gone
right down the tubes. Lightning's excuse is that he was too busy keeping the
squirrels at bay to do even the lightest of weeding. He's always got a story!
Luckily, I have a few days off to catch up on things. The Lilies of all
varieties are in full bloom with the daylilies putting on the best show ever. All
the Clematis are in full bloom and a couple of 'em are a real spectacle. The
impatients are finally recovering from the hail storm and are lookin' good.
The new second shift, Night Litchness, seem to have run it's course and has
been signed up for next season. I'm going to start looking for other likely
candidates for the second shift.
Well, I gotta go and mow the lawn. I wanted to get up real early so I could
wake up the neighbors with my lawn mower, but I got up to late.

Suspicions Mounting: This Week's Garden Report, Houseplant Supplement: May 2003

2003-05-25T20:56:00.002+01:00

Well, I returned home to find a full fledged lack of morale here
in the house. Last week one of the twin tropical bushes I had had
decided to commit a very noble Japanese-style suicide by
impaling itself through the middle (or so it appeared) and simply
slouching over. Plant Hari-kiri. Who knew?

Its brother in arms has take this as a sign he should rise to
prominence, but, much like Icarus, in his desire to grow
closer to the sun he has gone too high, and is now quickly outgrowing
his pot and turning brown. The favorite plant, the one that looks like
a Chinese impressionist painting, appears bitter at my many recent
absences, and appears to be despondent at its anticipated move to 'the
apartment of the guy downstairs who smells funny but helped my owner
move me upstairs in exchange for a promise I would go to him when she
left' I've been trying to keep it a secret, but I think it heard me on
the phone to the movers.

The one star of the house is my little Filipino table plant,
given to me by the maid when my other one died (right around the time
she took over the plant-care duties, calling me inept and better
suited to writing than nurturing- bodes well for kids later in life,
eh?). It knows it will go back to her care when I am gone, and it
actually seems excited at the prospect.

Labor Strife: This Week's Garden Report, Early Aug 2003

2003-05-25T20:52:00.002+01:00

Nothing but problems in the garden this week. The weeds have made gains
everywhere and there appears to be no stopping them. The mums are not going to
wait their turn and are blooming now, almost a month ahead of schedule. Because
of the mums blooming early the Daisies are pitching a fit and not blooming at
all, they are about a week late now and don't look like they'll be producing
much action any time soon. The second shift, Evening Litchness, is refusing to
work nights and have taken to blooming during the days. Pretty damn cocky for a
walk on! The Mexican border (neighbor's yard) is in jeopardy with the death of another
forsythia. That's 5 this year, I smell a conspiracy. The last of the re-enforcements have been
brought up from the Rita reserve (other neighbor's yard). I hope its in time.
Luckily the Clematis are all having a banner season. Also the Coneflowers
have just started to bloom this is their rookie year and I am very impressed
with what I see so far.
That's about it from the garden for this week. Monday I'll start contract
talks with some of the disgruntled players and see if I can get things
straightened out.

Miracles and Dissapointmets- This Week's Garden Report: May 2003

2003-05-15T20:37:00.003+01:00

The season seems to be flying by. Several players have come and gone
already. The snow crocuses did very well and were mowed over three weeks ago as
a reward for their efforts. The Jonquils and daffodils had a short and sad
season. Whether they are given another chance next year is still being
debated. I'm going to be scouring garage sales this weekend to look for a
golf club. Tulip golf season is about to open. It looks like it will be as
much fun as apple baseball (used to have a crab apple tree back there). Grape Hyacinths are just about played out, they
put on a pretty good show this year. If they continue to spread at the rate
they have been they will soon become a major early spring player out there.
There have been some true miracles out there the last few days. Six of the
seven Tallhedge Buckthorn that I had given up for dead are suddenly sprouting
leaves all over the place. Very strange, they are starting a good three to
four weeks after their compatriots right next to them. The River Birch
recruited late last fall has pulled a Lazerus act and popped back from the
dead. One of the two Japanese ferns has shown up, the other one is still AWOL
The Christmas fern has been found, not quite as green as you would think an
evergreen fern would be, but it appears to be recovering. Amongst all the
good news though the bald Cypress remains bald.
Coming soon will be the Peonies, and the Asian Lilies. The Iris hordes are
showing their colors and advancing across the field. Hostas are coming up
everywhere, the daring raids I pulled on my sister's and mother-in-law's
gardens last year have really paid off. This year very possibly will be the
year of the Hosta. My ferns are doing well, they are growing totally out of
control and expanding into my neighbors yards. The tide has turned in the
garden wars. My plants are finally getting the upper hand and killing off the
neighbors junk! As always the Bleeding Heart is in full Hemorrhage.
On the front lawn front the war against creeping Charlie is all but over. It
has taken years and has gotten ugly at times but Charlie is on the run and
has nowhere to hide. That with all the rain has made me look like a
semi-competent suburbanite. Charlie gone, Dandelions eradicated, life is good!

Working the City Coffers- This Week's Garden Report: Late Apr 2003

2003-04-27T20:30:00.002+01:00

The garden is going full blast now. Things are sprouting up everywhere. All
the Clematis survived and are climbing away. The Iris horde is lining up row
upon row and will be on the march shortly. The new Day Lily planter does seem
to keep Lightning, my dog, out, but he is doing his usual thorough job of trampling
the Day Lilies along the back fence.
Lightning has had a sleep over buddy this week, we're watching a neighbor's dog,
the miserable little fuzzball, whilst they are vacationing. The two of them
are having a blast out there. Lightning is teaching him the finer points of
flower trampling. He seems to a quick study, Apparently he is destined to
specialize in Tulips.
The city came by and planted a new Green Ash tree out front that we
requested last fall. Not bad it's about a $200 tree and we didn't have to pay
anything. Today however, in the Tribune they had a full page article about the latest invader from Asia, The Emerald Ash Borer Beetle. Just in the nick of
time. Lightning says he could pick 'em off if he had a BB gun, but I think
he's still got Squirrel on his mind.

Body Count Rising- This Week's Garden Report: Mid Apr 2003

2003-04-22T20:33:00.002+01:00

The devastation caused by winter this year is becoming more and more
apparent. The body count is going up daily. Seven out of the twelve tall hedge
Buckthorn are out of action, the whole border with the Mexicans next door is
now wide open. Three more Forsythias woke up dead this spring, luckily the
Rita reserve (my neighbor's yard) is fully stocked with replacements. Two of the Holly bushes are
terribly wounded and not expected to pull thru.
The new River Birch and Bald Cypress picked up late last season look like
they will not be joining the team this spring after all. Even last seasons
rookie of the year, the Japanese Ferns are MIA. Oh! The humanity!!
Lightning, my dog, is in a total rage about the whole situation. Of course he blames
the squirrels. He claims they are now using weapons of mass destruction and
must be stopped at all costs. He wants to make preemptive strikes into
neighboring yards where the squirrels have their base camps. He wants to
start out by burning Rita's house to the ground because she is doing nothing
to stop the squirrels from using the power lines as a way to infiltrate into
our yard. He claims it's the only language the fuzzy tailed terrorists
understand. I think it's not only the squirrels though, I think he always has
had problems with Rita's little bitchy dog and wants to take care of two
nuisances at once. Even though I don't think he can or would act on this latest threat I am being cautious
about leaving matches laying around.
There is also good news in the garden. The Bleeding Heart appeared 3 days
ago and is already 12 inches tall, that plant is fantastic, once it gets
going you can almost watch it grow. It's liking one of those goofy nature
films they used to show you in grade school with the film sped up. The
tulips, Daffodil, Grape Hyacinth and Icicle Pansies are all doing well and
are on schedule. The Clematis' are all shooting up like there's no tomorrow
and I expect great thing from all of them this summer.
I took out the lawn mower and gave the lawn it's first cut of the year. I
love my new mower. I'm becoming a true suburbanite.

Casualty Report- This Weeks Garden Report: Early Apr 2003

2003-04-01T20:27:00.003+01:00

The garden has reappeared as suddenly as it disappeared a couple of weeks
ago. Lightning, my dog, of course takes credit. He claims it was him cracking down on
the fury tailed terrorists that made them cough it up. I remain skeptical.
Nonetheless, the garden is back and the excitement is mounting. The snow
crocuses are putting in there best showing ever. They have spread to about
1/4 of the front lawn, they aren't thick yet but they're getting there. The
new Icicle Pansies recruited last fall are living up to their advertising.
The Tulips, Jonquils and Daffodils are sprouting and should be reporting in
any day now.
It's too early to assess the damage done over the winter. It looks pretty
grim. The heather doesn't appear to have made it and the Holly is showing
lots of damage but should survive. The Hardy Hibiscus apparently wasn't as
hardy as advertised. It looks like all the Mums are going to pull thru. The
new tree in front is budding in a big way and the new River Birch in back is
looking good. The new Bald Cypress remains bald and is causing me some worry,
I've never had one before so I don't know when it should be showing signs of
life. Luckily we had a good rain last night, a real gullywasher, just in time
to because the gully was really getting pretty dirty.
The birds are slowly filtering back to town. There were a few sparrows
checking out the bird houses but apparently the accommodations were not up to
their standards because the uppity little assholes just moved on. Some giant
crows stopped by for a while, these things were huge, like vultures, they
could have flown off with Lightning if they had a mind to.
I discovered a good way to clean up the Myrtle I use as ground cover, I
used a shop vac. Does a great job sucking out the old leaves and junk, It
doesn't break off many of the vines themselves and it kinda fluffs 'em up too.
Sad to say it's too cold to work outside this morning, we had some snow
last night, I guess all there is to do is take a nap.

Quick Put an APB out! This Week's Garden Report, Mar 2003

2003-03-15T20:25:00.002Z

Things were starting to look up in the garden last week. True everything was
still dormant but the days were getting longer and warmer. The newspaper ads
inspired me to take my little fuzzy friend over to home depot look at bulbs
and tools and such. Lightning loves peeing all over the new lawn mowers. He
also wanted to look at new squirrel traps. He says he recently saw some
squirrels come out of hibernation and he thinks they're up to something big.
He is really paranoid about those damn squirrels.
Then disaster struck the garden. The garden is missing. It has been
totally disappeared. It's like god took a whiteout brush and wiped it off the
face of the earth.
I sent my best scout, Lightning, out to investigate. He returned worried
about what happened to his Frisbees. It's hard to get him to focus sometimes.
He insists the squirrels are behind it and the whole thing wouldn't have
happened if only I would have stopped being so cheap and bought him his
damned squirrel traps. He's always got an excuse! I think we're going to have
to get a new chief of security. He has slacked off before, but this takes the
cake!
I don't quite know what to do right now so I'll use my favorite strategy.
I'll sit down pop a few beers and give it some deep thought.

Little League: This Week's Garden Report, Houseplant Supplement, Feb 2003

2003-02-25T21:00:00.003Z

Well the season in the little league started off good. The plants
began their life training with the Swedes in Ikea, and were raised
strong and sensible. Two fern-ish looking things for $4 and some more
expensive ($11) mini tree thing that looks like it is from an
impressionist Chinese painting. Well the cheap
plants have been prospering in whatever light I move them too. I think
they are simply re-potted Singaporean weeds. Although something seems
to be chewing on them, despite me not having bugs anywhere visible.; I
suspect 4th dimensional invisible bugs- maybe I should call Molder and
Scully. Still, much like the economies of their native homelands,
whatever gets chewed off grows back twice as fast, although a bit
cockeyed. As for the Chinese tree, it had a rough coupla days, mini
branches surrendering like the French army, but then I gave it a
little sun, in front of the big picture window and it switched to the
winning team right quick.

Well, sadly, that's the end of the garden report. As plants go,
well have to see if there are any more cheap potted weeds at Ikea next
trip. The trees out in front of my building are looking better
and better... if I get caught though, I think they might use the
branch to cane me.......

And so It Ends: This Week's Garden Report, Nov 2002

2002-11-25T20:20:00.003Z

Things are starting to wind down in the garden. The Mums are putting on a
show that was hardly expected early in the season. The late spring freeze set
them way back at first but they really fought back with a vengeance.
The Iraqi squirrels seem to be in full retreat after their hideouts were cut
down. Lightning, my dog, takes credit but I think the squirrels knew we were on to
them and just moved their base of operations to Rita’s yard. We may have to
plan an invasion. Replacement trees have been installed to replace the recent
losses. Ma popped for a big Blaze Maple out front. I picked up a Bald Cypress
and a River Birch for out back.
The fall colors this year are spectacular. The burning bushes are just
blazing away. The red maple is ridiculously red. Even the Bald Cypress has
turned bright yellow. In fact trees throughout the neighborhood are doing it
right this year. Last year was a real bust; the trees just turned brown and
went dormant. Last fall was a bummer in a lot of ways.
The fall cleanup is going well, all the slacker annuals have been removed,
the whole bunch of ’em were a waste of money. The garden centers have been
scoured for deals and many new players have been recruited. Maybe next year I
won’t even need any annuals.
It’s gitten’ ta be time to pass out awards for this year. The comeback
player of the year has got to be the Purple Asters. I put them down into the
minors 2 years ago, last year I don’t even remember seeing them. They seem to
have been inspired by the Mums this year and are putting on quite a show out
there.
Most valuable Plant without a doubt is the Shasta daisy. It isn’t really
one daisy; there’s a couple hundred now, but they all came from one plant.
This plants ability to bloom just when you need flowers the most in mid to
late summer is a lifesaver. There are too many plants that bloom in spring or
fall but slack -off in the dog days of summer. When it’s hotter than hell
out, the mosquitoes are biting and everything else in the garden is wilting
and drying up, when you really need some eye candy, the Shasta come through
year after year. No maintenance, they just grow like weeds and bloom from
early August till late Sept. I have never paid this plant the respect it is
owed.
Rookie of the year goes to the Japanese ferns. Although the fern garden has
done well year in, year out there has not been much excitement in that corner
for awhile. The Japanese fern adds a little contrast and appears to be
getting along well with the other players
One last bit of good news is the birds are back. Things were looking real
good for the bird population in the garden at the start of the season. The
birdhouses were turning into bird factories. Some of them horny little devils
raised 2 or 3 families before the West Nile came around. By mid-July it was
like something out of a Rachael Carson book out there. The crows and jays
disappeared first, not long after all the sparrows, starlings, finches and
just about everything else were gone. I realize that they are just migrating
through now but maybe they will find the accommodations to their liking and
come back next spring.

Iraqi Squirrel Infiltration: This Week's Garden Report, Oct 2002

2002-10-25T20:15:00.004+01:00

The garden was in turmoil all week after it was discovered that three
previously healthy forsythia bushes had suddenly died. Foul play is
suspected. Lightning, my dog, of course blames the squirrels. I suspect the Iraqis.
There is the possibility that we could both be right and we’re dealing with
Iraqi squirrels. Probably planted here by Saddam himself. My guess is at some
pre-set time they will chew through the electrical and phone lines running
through our back yard causing major problems in McHenry county's ability to
help your president if he should go to war with Iraq. They were probably
chewing through the forsythia just to keep their teeth in shape. I sent my
little fuzzy friend out to haul one in for questioning and he actually caught
one. Unfortunately he decided to rough up the suspect before bringing him in
and Velma (my aunt) hollered at him and he let the suspect go. I just now have started
wondering if maybe Velma might be in cahoots with the Iraqis? I’ll have
Lightning talk to her tomorrow.
Luckily, management was ready for just this sort of emergency. There were
three very good replacement forsythias, sitting in the Rita reserve (Rita is my neighbor), just
waiting for their chance to break into the lineup. They’ve been successfully
installed and next year no one will be able to see any difference. Saddam has
been foiled again.
In an attempt to deprive the Iraqi squirrels of cover, three major trees
have been cut down in the garden. The Rita Reserve, Wayne's (neighbor behind the house) World and Bill &
Harriet’s (neighbors two doors down) yard also had major de-forestation programs enacted. Now to get
around the little furry tailed terrorists have to expose themselves on the
ground. My little fuzzy security officer claims it’s only a matter of time
now before he has them all under control. I’ll believe it when I see it.

Summer of Surprise: This Week's Garden Report, Sep 2002

2002-09-25T20:10:00.004+01:00

Since this is the first garden report of the season, this weeks garden
report is actually this summer's garden report.
The season started out with a lot of promise. Coming off a fair season last
year, a lot of good players were already in position at the start of the
year. Last falls recruiting drive at the local garden centers picked up a lot
of promising new players at bargain prices. October is the time to go garden
shopping!
I started the season off with a surprise weeding that caught the whole
garden by off guard. One of the best weedings I've ever done. I haven't had
to do more than a little touch up here or there since. At the same time I got
rid of a lot of plants that just weren't pulling their weight out there. No
show you get the Hoe! Many plants were sent down to the minors (Rita's yard)
where I will give them time to develop.
A late freeze in May reeked havoc with the ferns. They were coming up better
than ever and the freeze stunted the shit out of 'em. It also sent me
scurrying over to Flowerwood for emergency replacement annuals.
There was some tragedy in the Garden this year. After several mediocre
seasons I threatened to send the Rhododendron down the minors If it had
another bad year. Well, it had a bad year and did not even wait for me to
take action, apparently it committed suicide. That plant did have some
spectacular years early on, but even in the best of times it's season was
over by mid June, just like the Cubs.
Last years Most Valuable Plant, the Mutant Clematis, did absolutely nothing
this year, a couple of blooms in July and that's it. That overfertalized
primadona better watch out because I've got my eye on some fall blooming
Clematis over at Flowerwood, It just might wake up in Rita's yard next
spring. That'll learn 'im.
The new bushes I picked up last fall have been doing good, except they seem
to be the favorite food of this years newest pest, Japanese beetles. Those
voracious little slant eyed devils let the bushes grow for a couple a weeks
and then stop by and chew the shit out of 'em. They've learned to do this on
a regular cycle. I think they're still pissed off about Hiroshima.
The Day Lilies and the Asian Lilies got together and bloomed at the same
time this year. They put on quiet a show but only for about a week. They
should have gone from mid June well into July. I suspect the bunch of
crybabies will use the drought as an excuse.
One of the highlights this year has been the Shasta daisies. Started
blooming in early August and are still going strong as I write. Definitely a
strong candidate for Most Valuable Plant this season. Another contender is
the Japanese ferns I picked up last fall. They look nice, grow like weeds and
were not damaged by the late May freeze we had. Definitely a candidate for
MVP or maybe rookie of the year.

And So it Begins: This Week's Garden Report, Apr 2002

2002-04-25T20:08:00.003+01:00

This weeks garden report.

The garden is starting the season on a bad note. Apparently the daffodils
and Jonquils were showing a little cowardice about blooming this year, they
had buds on them for about three weeks but would not bloom because of the
late cold. I finally went out there and thumbed thru my Holland bulb catalog
right in front of them. I then took out my weed wacker and started to clean
and oil it in front of the filthy cowards. I put on a quick demonstration
with a few weeds and explained to every flower in the garden that's what's
going to happen to any non-performers this year. They got the hint! The
daffodils, Jonquils, Forsythias, Heather, Myrtle and a few plants I can't
even identify were blooming like crazy the next morning! Even the maple tree
started to flower! I realize this may sound a little harsh, but I feel I must
maintain discipline out there right from the start or risk another mediocre
season.