Baked Portabella Mushrooms with Homemade Breadcrumb, Three Cheese, and Spinach Stuffing

So its been almost a year. Afghanistan happened, and then I caught the exausted. I spent the last few months wondering how to explain what happened, and seeing no way, I froze. Deer in the headlights, toaster waffles instead of cooking, three nights a week of matzo-ball soup and my new local coffee shop FROZE.

So, after compiling months and months of half-written not so brilliant posts, I quit.

I disappeared. I am a bad blogger. It will take me some time to find my creativity, both for writing, cooking, and eating again, I know. And I am full of stories I want to share. Time will work them out.

For now, for the first time in months, I created. I made something that did not exist before, I created it in my little head. Its baking now, I have no idea whether it will be delicious or a total return-to-cooking fail. And I don't care. I cooked! I created! I made! Some little part of me is back, and I am rejoicing in it.

The oven is beeping at me, so I will make this quick:

Ingredients:
Olive Oil
Salt
Pepper
Spinach (3/4 of a big bunch)
Garlic (as much as you can stand)
Cardamom (1 tsp)
4 Portabella Mushroom Caps (save stems and scooped out insides for making Veggie broth some other time- they freeze fine!
Ricotta (1.5 cups)
Two other cheeses to taste (I used goat and Parmesan)
Butter
Egg
Homemade breadcrumbs (I make mine from a mix of white and wheat bread and cornflakes, which gives things a great complex, slightly sweet flavor)
Truffle Salt (not strictly necessary of course, but a fun addition)
Balsamic Vinegar

Coat mushrooms in olive oil, then salt and pepper to taste. Melt butter and cook garlic in a pan over medium heat until fragrant. Add spinach, torn up well, and cook until spinach is soft an shrunken. Mix spinach into cheeses, add a beaten egg, and stir well. Add about a cup of homemade breadcrumbs and mix well. Divide between the mushroom caps, heaping on top. Cook for 30 minutes at 350 degrees covered with foil in a medium baking pan. Turn heat up to 45 and cook for another 30 minutes. Then remove the foil and cook another 10 minutes, or until cheese is melted and golden on top.

Serve with a sprinkling of the truffle salt and some reduced balsamic....

Will let you know how it is!

Glad to be back.

Strike Busting: This Week's Garden Report, mid-July 2010

The blooming schedule is totally out of whack now. Even the Shasta daisies are budding and looking to bloom in a week or so. They shouldn’t be starting till late august. There is without a doubt a conspiracy afoot out there. I think it could be something as innocent as like in Cool Hand Luke, a great movie, when the whole chain gang speeds up and finishes shoveling the sand on the road in a couple of hours so they can goof off for the rest of the day. I think the plants may have gotten together and decided that they would all shoot their wad early and then take the rest of the summer off. I’m at a loss of what to do about it. I could put one or two of the plants in the Box, but not all of them, not all at once.

Another possibility is the plants might be secretly organizing a union out there. If that’s the case I don’t know what to do. I’ve never been in management before. I’ve been a loyal union man since I was 10 yrs old and swore my allegiance to Boris Badenov and Local #12 of the Villains, Thieves and Scoundrels Union. I’ve participated in every boycott and job action I’ve ever run across. I still refuse to fly Eastern Airlines until they negotiate a contract with their gate workers. If the plants set up a picket line how can I but refuse to cross? How will I get in there to weed? How will I tell if what a plant picket line looks like? I actually think Lightning dog might have had an idea of what was going on for years. Every now and then he would go on a rampage through the daylilies. My own little, personal, union busting, Pinkertons Agent. God I miss him! I really should have listened to him more; he was way more tuned in on what was going on out there than I ever was. I suspect the daylilies are behind various nefarious schemes out there. If the Daylilies are behind all of it though, they have made a tactical error by blooming so early. They have shot their wad already, so this morning I cut ‘em all down. They aren’t going to get much of a following now. That plus the weather is starting to normalize a little now. The rains have been drying up and it won’t take long for the plants to remember who controls the garden hose.

The battle between the Daisies and the unidentified sedum is still raging. The mutant Kudzu/Clematis let go of it’s trellis and has joined the fray. I went in there to clean out the dead flower stalks from the Daisies last week and found a bunch of Tickseed somehow managed to creep into the fight. There were even some Mums under there. Mums are some of the most docile, laid back plant you can find, so they must be having fun back there. It’s turning into quite a melee. I really should be filming it.

Meantime the Tickseed and Creeping Sedum match-up seems to be drawing to a conclusion. I guess I’m going to have to call it a draw. The tickseed is just growing straight up now and the Creeping Sedum is just creeping around below. They seem to have settled their differences and decided to coexist in peace for a while.

The Bastille Day celebration has been canceled this year. Nobody cared.



Coming up in next weeks Garden Report:

Mosquitoes must die!!

Harbingers of Genocide: This week's Garden Report, July 4th 2010

This weeks fight match up was totally unexpected. The daisies and some type of Sedum I acquired somewhere have been living side by side since the garden reorganization last spring. Apparently the unidentified Sedum was just waiting for its chance. After the daises exhausted themselves on a fabulous blooming season and Hammerdogs constant snacking on them (he says they taste like toads, I’ll take his word for it), the unidentified Sedum smelled weakness and went on the attack. It’s been quite a brawl out there all week. The unidentified Sedum quickly gained the upper hand but my Daises are starting to show their stuff. Never bet against the Daisies!

Hammerdog's bragging about his prowess at hunting toads has got him in trouble. This week all the toads disappeared just as suddenly as they appeared. I suspect the mosquitoes carried them off. The squirrels, however are accusing Hammerdog of genocide. I think the squirrels are just using the situation as an excuse to get Hammerdog to back off chasing them. He is starting to get real close to catching them. Today whilst I was mowing the lawn I saw him sneak up on one. The squirrel didn’t see him coming till the last second and it was out in the open. It was quite a chase. I now know why they have that big bushy tail. It’s a pretty good adaptation. Hammerdog was within inches of catching this fuzzy tailed rat when the squirrel sticks its tail up in the air to get Hammerdog's attention, then flips its tail to the left while it breaks to the right, like a basketball player throwing a head fake. Hammerdog broke left and almost fell on his face while the squirrel got away. He missed him by a whisker. Then the little vermin just sits on the fence, just out of range and chattered at the dog. Hammerdog was going nuts. He just needs a little patience; it’s just a matter of time before he figures out how to catch them. It will save me the cost of a BB gun.

The dogs have been claiming they’ve seen some Chipmunks out there for a couple of weeks now. I’m beginning to think though that they are just trying to trick me into setting the live trap so I might catch a squirrel instead and save them the trouble. Stelladog always has been pretty lazy and now I think that Hammerdog is getting a little too comfortable around here too. He has been getting a little thick around the middle as of late. He really likes the AC. The squirrels are now beginning to refer to him as the big round hound. He doesn’t like it!

Lilly-fest is going strong as I write. It appears the Ditch lillies and Asiatic lillies collaborated this year to bloom at the same time. Usually the ditch lillies start after the Asiatic lillies finish their show, well into July. I like this new arrangement much better. It might leave a slight gap in the blooming schedule, but I think it is worth it.

Actually, I think all the plants are in cahoots this year, scheduling their blooming times. All the Hostas are showing off, almost a month early, but I think that’s just them bragging about beating up on Charlie. The Bee balm and Rose Mallow are in their full glory almost a month early. Almost everything is blooming at least 2 weeks earlier than normal. At first I thought it was because of all the rain and a hotter than normal spring, but now I’m suspecting there might be a conspiracy afoot. It is awful hard to stay pissed though when you look at the results. Next year however I will write out a blooming schedule first thing in spring and I’m going to enforce it! With my lawnmower!

I have some new heroes out in the garden this year. The Sparrows. They have for years been enjoying the free housing I have provided. The dogs have always provided security for them. The houses 3 each on 3 poles, 10 feet up attached to the fence in the middle of the yard. The squirrels don’t like being out in the open out there with Hammerdog and Stelladog on our side of the fence and Lucydog on the other side. Plus, from the air you have the Hawks checking out the situation, making the squirrels very nervous. These are probably some of the safest Sparrows around. It is a hoot to watch them. Sparrows are not monogamous! They are always raiding each other’s nest. They are making it with their neighbors partner as often as possible. Fighting, stealing food and nesting material, dog fur being a favorite. Ya gotta love ‘em. There is one male I saw today, he landed on the top house, serviced that female, jumped down and did the next and the next, then hopped over to the next pole and started all over. All within about 3 minutes! What a man!

The birdhouses are starting to fall apart though. They are starting to resemble a trailer park on a stick. I’m torn about what to do about it. I could easily replace them but the birds seem more active and happy the more their habitats deteriorate. I’m an avian slumlord.



Coming up in next weeks Garden Report:



Tickseed / Creeping Sedum match up; everything it was expected to be and more!



Mutant Kudzu/Clematis joins the Daisy / Unidentified sedum fray.



The delivery of Battlestar Galactica turns out to be an insidious blow to garden maintenance. Entire system nears collapse!

Garden Fight Club: This Week's Garden Report, June 2010

Hammerdog found out why that tree in the back of my yard is called a Hawthorn not just a Haw. He found a branch that got knocked down and figured he was going to have himself a nice little chew. I have never heard a dog let out a scream like he let loose! He even sent Stelladog off running and cowering. All the squirrels had a good laugh. I think they might have planted that branch just to be mean. I’m buying a BB gun.

I’ve started doing some midnight mining in Wayne’s yard. I’ve needed lotsa good topsoil for the improvements I’ve been making. Luckily, I can just dig it up from my neighbors yard. He’s got some good black dirt back there. All I got to do is throw the weeds back over the holes when I’m done and you can’t tell. Some of the holes are getting pretty deep. I think I might be able to start trapping some of those Jr. High kids that cut across our yards.

Daisy season is just about finished. What a show they put on this year! They are definitely leading in the Most Valuable Plant competition at this point. Plus Hammerdog has taken a liking to the Daisy flowers. He eats them like potato chips.

The Astilbes have made a remarkable comeback. They are in full bloom right now. Astilbes are cool if you look at them from the top. Ours are right below the porch so when you look down at them they look like little starbursts or what fireworks must look like from an airplane. I was happy with their comeback because it was my error that caused them so much grief. As coach of this garden team I’ve got to be more aware of which players are compatible. Tickseed and Astible should not be in the same lineup! When I tore the shed down I had a whole bunch of Tickseed I had to do something with. Well I figured it would fill in nicely around the bottoms of the Astible. What a mistake! I never knew Tickseed was such a vicious plant or that the Astilbes were so defenseless. As soon as planted the Tickseed went on the attack. They instantly wrapped around the Astilbe and started to choke ‘em. I intervened just in the nick of time. I put the Tickseed in with the Creeping Sedum. They don’t get along either but it’s a fairer fight. Creeping Sedum don’t take no shit from nobody.

There is an upside to the whole affair though. I ‘m going to look into filming plant fights. There must be some way of filming it then speeding it up. Plants are pretty mean to each other at times. The only thing holding me back is figuring out a way to get some suckers to place bets on the fights. There are so many cable channels now there must be one that would be willing to broadcast it. There has to be a demand for plant fights now that dog fighting and cock fighting are illegal just about everywhere.

I caught a bunch of Hostas hiding out behind the Forsythia bushes. I’m pretty sure they were trying to make their way to Canada. Their progress was slow but they were on their way no doubt! I took the lawn mower to ‘em. An example had to be made.

The borders of the garden are slowly coming under control. The southern frontier is in total lock down. The hostas I deployed seem to have complete control of the situation. Last month I got some weed and feed and accidentally sprayed about a10-15 ft. no weed zone into my northern neighbors yard. Looks pretty good. Waynes yard is slowly coming under control with a healthy application of Roundup and my midnight mining operation over there. I just might turn my mining operation into a moat. That could solve a couple of problems.

All my border security schemes are beginning to show results. My yard is remarkably weed free for this late into the season. The only hole in my defenses is Bill & Harriets yard. It is loaded with Creeping Charlie. Anything I do in my yard is futile until I can stop the infiltration of Charlie from their yard, I thought the old farts woulda dropped dead by now, but they keep hanging on and they keep a pretty close eye on me, for some reason they don’t seem to trust me. I have not had an opportunity to do any guerilla gardening over there. I can now begin understand how Nixon and Westmoreland musta felt like during the Vietnam War when they had to fight the war in South Vietnam and watch the bad guys just scamper over the Cambodian, Laotian and North Vietnamese border every time we got close to whippin’ ‘em. At least they had B-52’s. I wish I had a couple of B-52’s to play with. There’s a buncha problems I could solve, or vaporize with a couple a B-52’s.



Coming up in next weeks Garden Report:



Hammerdog accused of genocide.

Hawks gone missing, chipmunk sightings reported.

Lilly fest begins.

Toad the Wet Sprocket: This Week's Garden Report, Late May 2010

The big news this week is the plague of toads. They showed up right after I installed the Hostas I got from Reber. They are everywhere! I hope this ain’t some kinda Biblical stuff going on. Typical, ya let in some religious refugees, ya try to be a nice guy and right away they want to convert you and all the other plants. I might have to take the lawn mower to ‘em!

The upside of the Toads is Hammerdog can catch them. It’s a hoot to watch. When they hop it catches his eye, he will dash over to where it landed and just stare until it moves again. He will stand there and stare at the lawn until he sees another one move or the first one is dumb enough to hop again. He has caught a couple of them. He doesn’t quite know what to do with them once he catches them. He doesn’t want to eat them but after he has caught them they ain’t worth much anymore. He’ll put them down and wait for them to start playing again but they never do. He doesn’t understand. However, he does insist on being called Toadslayer for now on. It hasn’t stopped the squirrels from teasing him.

Spring is a wonderful time in the garden. Spring makes gardening virtually idiot proof. The weather is nice and cool, no bugs yet, lotsa rain. All the plants still have a good attitude; they’re not all stressed out yet from heat, drought and bugs. They have nothing to fear but me and my lawnmower.

There are some candidates for plant of the year already. The daisies are blooming now and are putting on a show! They came in so thick and spread so much this year I was able to dig up some volunteers for Mr. Rebers church sale. They were already in full bloom and were big sellers. People like instant gratification. Their only drawback is they will be done blooming by the end of July and come time to vote they will have been forgotten about. Another early candidate is the Bleeding Heart . That plant comes to play every spring no matter what. I wish all my plants had that attitude.

The only candidate for rookie of the year already took puke. I picked up a Trumpet vine at Meier’s, it didn’t last a week. Oh well.

I tried my home brew lawn food out front it seems to work pretty well. It’s just a mixture of beer, ammonia, molasses, and dish soap and toad urine. I suppose it could just be placebo effect. I wonder if anyone has done a study on placebo effect in plants? I oughta check out if I could get a government grant to conduct a study on that. I could milk it for years!





Coming up in next weeks Garden report;



Midnight mining in Waynes yard



Are all Astilbes gay?



Sympathy for Richard Nixon

Wei renmen fu wu: This week's Garden report - May 2010

This years Mayday parade was once again a huge bust. The plants just refuse to cooperate! Every year I get dressed up in my Dear Leader outfit, stand up on the edge of the deck and nothing, no parade! This year, no more mister nice-guy! Today I’m starting a major weeding campaign out there and there is likely to be considerable collateral damage. I don’t have to put up with this kinda disrespect!

A couple of Redtail Hawks have taken up residence in the neighborhood. The squirrel population has plummeted and the Chipmunks have totally disappeared. I think that yappy little toy poodle next door could be coming up on the menu soon. I hope so. So you can quit worrying about Chipmunks being shipped your way. It’s a huge relief to me because I suspect shipping Chipmunks to Afghanistan would have been incredibly expensive. I’m kinda hoping now that the squirrels are looking up watching for Hawks all the time, the dogs will be able to sneak up on them. I don’t think Stelladog gives a rat’s ass about Chipmunks or Squirrels, but I think it would help Hammerdogs self esteem big time if he could catch one. I think they tease him an awful lot out there.

My master plan of sealing off the perimeter of the yard with Hostas had a couple of major boosts this week. A census that was taken early this spring discovered some major featherbedding going on out there. There was a whole bunch of the filthy cowards were huddling under the Hawthorne tree avoiding border duty. They claimed they were needed to protect the Hawthorn tree from unspecified dangers. After a stern lecture I was able to dig up enough volunteers to finish the entire southern frontier and still maintain a reserve force for any emergencies that might arise. A second large bunch of volunteers came forth from Rebers yard across the street. There have been rumors of trouble brewing over there for quite a while. Word is he is some kind of religious nut. I don’t really care about religion in my yard. In my yard there is no rules about keeping the Sabbath. No mandatory Bible studies. No dietary laws. In my yard if you can catch it, you can eat it. Whatever the problem was they are welcome here. They were immediately pressed into service on the northern frontier. They seem content over there.

Disaster struck the garden last week when a series of mini-tornadoes ripped the roofs off the sparrow houses. It looks like a mini New Orleans out there. All those poor little sparrows perched on the wall where their roofs used to be. I immediately applied to F.E.M.A. for disaster relief but was refused! Those no good government bureaucrats insist there were no tornadoes in our area at the time in question. Luckily, Sarah Palin and the Tea Party people are coming to town next week, I’ll be joining them. I think it’s high time the government keeps its fingers out of my government handouts!!



Next weeks Garden Report:



Coaches faulted for Tickseed and Astilbe problems.

Video plant fights for those who miss dogfights.

Chipmunks are Terrorists- This Week's Garden Report, Apr 2010

The species cleansing of the garden seemed to be a success last fall. The chipmunk population appeared to have been completely relocated to Lippold Park. Now there have been new sightings. Worse yet they appear to have made an unholy alliance with the Creeping Charlie. Last fall Charlie was all but beat; I had successfully closed off the entire perimeter with various plantings and landscaping stones. Now Charlie is gone from all the edges of the yard but keeps popping up in the middle of the lawn. The only thing I can figure is the chipmunks are tunneling in and Charlie’s coming along for the ride. I don’t know what advantage either party gets from such a sinister scheme, I think it has become personal. To think all those years I cheered on Chip and Dale in their skirmishes with Donald Duck. Now I know Donald was right all along. You just can’t depend on cartoons to give you the whole story! Half my education, right out the window.

Last years program was to capture and then parole them with the understanding that they would stay in Lippold Park. They apparently are violating the agreement. It’s about two miles and a major five lane high way they have to cross but the little terrorists are making it back somehow. I feel I have only two choices, I can go over to Wal-mart and buy a BB gun or now that I have a connection in Afghanistan, I might start shipping them over there, I’d like to see them make it back from there! So be careful when opening your packages, they will probably be pretty hungry by the time they get to you. Turn them loose on the Taliban when you get them, they deserve each other.

Otherwise things are going very well in the garden. All the transplants of last summer came back. Some are a little banged up, they remind me of myself waking up with a hangover not knowing where the hell I am. Some seem to really like their new digs. The Azalea that was being tormented by the mutant Clematis is doing spectacular. It is blooming like it did when I first installed it 20 years ago. The mutant Clematis wasn’t too happy with the move, not having its usual victim to bully. I planted it amongst the Daisies. The Daisies are tough. If you ever need a flower to back you up in a fight, go with Daisies. They’re way tougher than they look.

I had a long talk with the Crabapple tree last fall. I let it be known I was not happy with its performance the last couple of years. Boy what a difference a year makes. There are flowers bursting out of every available twig and branch. There are even flowers coming straight out of the trunk. I also think it helped to move my workbench in the garage so the tree could see me sharpening my ax through the window.

Next week I’m trying a home brew lawn food. It involves beer so it just might work. Of course it might just give the Chipmunks another reason to hang around. I better give it some more thought.

Crocus Explosion: This Week's Garden Report- Mar 2010

The glaciers have finally receded and about 20 metric tons of dog shit has been removed. It’s time to start the spring campaign.

The spring started with a pleasant surprise when the Snow Crocus rose up in an overwhelming hoard and occupied the front lawn for about two weeks. I had given up on the Crocus a couple of years ago. Last year I even started using weed & feed on the front lawn again, figuring the Crocus idea was a bust. I think I must have just pissed the little devils off!

With any good news comes some bad. The gutters, on the north side of the house, were clogged with leaves. I cannot tolerate that! I do not want to be dragging out the extension ladder every time some stupid tree can’t refrain from littering. Sentence has been passed and the execution will be scheduled as soon as all appeals are heard and ignored. Texas style justice!

Getting a jump on the season I have transplanted the two white pines I had growing on the fence between the Mexican border and us. I planted them there two or three years ago just to see how fast they grow. They have passed the test and are now on the side of the house and I hope they will grow into a nice screen between us and or northern neighbors. I’m tired of lookin’ at ‘em.

The annual campaign against creeping Charlie has started. Just today I went chemical on ‘em. This year I’ve developed my own brew. I hope the early start has Charlie on the run before it has a chance to get a foothold. Charlie must die!!

The squirrels have built a nest in the Hawthorn tree in the middle of the back yard. These squirrels are either very stupid or they have no respect for our dogs. I know if Lightning dog was still around, the fuzzy tailed rats would show a little more respect. I am afraid though that they are right in thinking that neither dog is clever enough to catch them.

Being Racist Helps Find the Deliciousness

So the adventure has begun, and I am here lingering at Camp As Saylayiah in Qatar waiting for transport into Bagram, to eventually make my way up to the North of Afghaistan. The next six months will be sans-cooking (not sure how I am going to relieve the stress if I can't knead!). I don't have high expectations for most of the food I will encounter, as it is all mass-produced military food, but perhaps there might be a few interesting posts to squeeze out as it will be GERMAN mass-produced military food, which should at least be different, if not good. And I will have to find a way to sneak into the Norwegian Camp- I bet there is smoked fish there!

Anyway, here on base in Qatar, I am soaking up my last opportunities to eat some awful American food. I hit up the base Chili's on day one, as two of my favorite things about America are fried cheese and free refills. Of course both of those are just behind frequent liberal use of deodorant. Well, maybe not free refills. I can tolerate a lot of stink with an unlimited supply of diet coke. Today I was hunting around for something, and rejected the guaranteed stale awful hamburgers from the fake little restaurants here in R&R-ville (the USO club). But then something struck me on the menu- Chicken Tikka Masala. So much staple on any British menu it is not even seen as ethnic there, Indian food is unusual on a menu in a non-Indian restaurant in the US. And US military bases take whatever international and cultural savvy one would expect in America and dial it back about 50%. Which is not good. So I was surprised to see this. But then I looked at the staff. All Indian. In fact, I think all of Qatar is staffed by Indians and Filipinos. Qatar can't be bothered to develop labor skills internally, as the oil boom that pays for lavish lifestyles is sure to last forever. Right?

Anyway, this drew my attention to an eating strategy I have long adhered to, and never thought much about. If the staff of a place is a certain ethnicity, and there are one-off items on the menu of that ethnicity, I order those things. Chances are, they are there because its something the staff takes particular pride in making, or something they themselves want to eat. This of course involves making some superficial ethnic judgments . I have gone with "Asian men wearing suits in inappropriate circumstances (like cooking in the kitchen of a diner) are likely Chinese" as a reason for ordering Mapo Dofu, one of my favorite real Chinese dishes (I actually hate most real Chinese food- give me General Tso's any day- but mapo dofu is one of the exceptions). This isn't always a great strategy, but usually even if you aren't exactly right, close enough is good. Pakistani cooks make some bad-ass Indian food too. Plus they use more meat. One of the best Butter Chicken's I have ever had comes from a mini-mart/deli in Friendship heights called Friendship Gourmet Market. Strolled in one day, and saw a pan of delicious looking Indian food amidst all the deli staples. Took a look at the staff and decided that this might be a winner. It was. I still dream about that Chicken sometimes.

The result of this strategy is that I often sound like a huge racist. Broad cultural generalizations followed with preachy appreciation of various national dishes makes you sound like a douche. But it also has a high statistical correlation with getting tasty tasty food in an otherwise mediocre establishment. In other words, an ethnic correlation does not automatically translate to the best possible type of a dish, but it does help one find something palatable in a situation where expectations are otherwise low.

The Chicken Tikka? Delicious. Far from the best I have ever had, but waaaay better than anything else on the menu. Thanks third-country nationals for bringing something better than Popeyes to our troops overseas :-) Yea. I'm a douche. But not a hungry one!

This Week's Garden Report- February 2010

Well it’s groundhog day. This being a low budget operation, we don’t have a groundhog. We do however have a ceramic garden turtle that just melted out of a snow bank. All he saw though the melting snow was the devastation caused by a high yield nuclear dogshit bomb that was exploded over the winter. I might have to move.
There is still a foot of snow on the ground so it’s hard to get a reading on the condition of the garden. The fences that were put up to keep the dog out of the bushes proved ineffective. When the snow got 3 feet deep she just walked right over them, dug down to the dirt and started excavating the frozen ground. I don’t know why she is expending all this effort. I think she just wants to secure a ready supply of mud to track into the house as soon as the thaw comes.
Well I couldn’t think of much else to expound upon. This isn’t exactly the busy season in the garden. I went to bed last night figuring that some great thoughts might come to me in my sleep, no such luck. However it did snow about 3 more inches and that takes care of the dogshit problem for a while. Winter sucks, but if you think about it, winter is like Gods gift to procrastinators. You always have an excuse to put stuff off. Too much snow, to cold, too much dogshit. You can always find an excuse in winter.
I’m going back to bed to enjoy the season.

Groupon Etiquette

So I am addicted to Groupons. In case you have somehow escaped my overly aggressive efforts at getting you to eat dinner at an inconveniently located restaurant with food you are not in the mood for, let me share a little bit about Groupons.

Each day, Groupon posts a deal for a local business (most often restaurants or spas, but have included gym memberships, hardware stores, and pet sitting- all the things the young yuppie loves). Living Social has essentially the same thing. I am signed up for both, and can't get enough. $30 for $60 to spend somewhere new and tasty is just too good of a deal to pass up. Unfortunately, I have trouble controlling my enthusiasm. I have bought groupons for just about every spa service offered for 50% off or more. This has resulted in a wide variety of uncoordinated facials with technicians who were utterly confused about what the real deal with my skin was since someone from some other salon just treated me a week ago. I bought one for Mourayo because I thought it sounded like sushi. Turns out its an unremarkable Greek place in Dupont that I can't get anyone to eat at with me. I signed up for Kayak lessons this summer. Too bad I will be in Afghanistan.



The coming of Groupons to the DC social scene has given rise to new etiquette questions. I have posted a few and my thinking below.


Dilemma #1: My friend and I have dinner plans, and we both have Groupons for different places that we want to use. Who wins?

Answer: I am inclined to say the person who's Groupon expires first. If you were clever enough to get one with an expiration a few months out (and are not going to Central Asia for six months in a few weeks as I am), then the person who is most broke and needing to rely on the prepaid groupon wins. However, if someone accepts your Groupon choice after a Groupon duel, you automatically incur an obligation to return the Groupon engagement in the very near future at the other Groupon location.



Dilemma #2: We both have Groupons for the same place, bought independently, and cannot combine them (many groupons are 'one-per-table'). What do we do?

Answer: Go somewhere else. Save your Groupon for another time. Alternatively, make separate reservations and bring two other people with you. Then 'run into' each other accidentally after appetizers are ordered and your Groupon intent is already declared to the waiter, and move together. Of course this is kind of an a-hole thing to do. And weird for the other two people. A move only for the truly desperate.



Dilemma #3: Can I use a Groupon on a date?

Answer: Yes. If your date can't appreciate your thriftiness, how do you think he will react to your many other embarrassing qualities? Mind you, I am typing this while laying around in a red onesie. I have many of those qualities. And I am not even that thrifty.



Dilemma #4: If we are splitting the check, and one of us has a Groupon, how do we divide up costs? Does the person contributing the Groupon get credit for the paid value, and we split the bonus savings, or do they get credit for the entire value of the Groupon?

Answer: This is a hard one. I have had dinner partners that assumed we were sharing, and ones that assumed I got the whole value for myself. Last night, I brought this up while dining at Policy with a friend. His take was that it was all mine. Of course, he is also a Groupon user, and I am sure it will come out even in the end (I now have an obligation to help him out with his Russia House Groupon- see #1). A German friend of mine assumed we were sharing my Groupon for Mie N Yu. Of course she is German. I have had Germans ask for $1.50 off the tab of a group of 30 because they didn't get a soda. I thus am less inclined to use her standard. So the answer? With Germans, you share, figuring out everyone's relative contribution down to the penny. With everyone else, its all yours, but make a good effort to return the consideration the next meal.



Dilemma #5: Why aren't there more Sushi Groupons?

Answer: As it is, I have trouble using groupons because every time I get myself together to go out and use a groupon, I wind up thinking that I would just rather have sushi. The sushi industry does not need Groupon's help- I am keeping it afloat in these hard times. If there were sushi groupons, I would need a speedy mercury poisoning antidote pretty quickly. Perhaps its for the best.

Worst. Blogger. Ever.

I haven't cooked in two months. I mean, I have reheated some things, but I haven't made something in months. I just got a new job, and have found myself professionally inspired for the first time in years. Which has somehow dramatically reduced my need to be personally inspired. Since my primary creative outlet all these years has been food- well, there has been alot of pizza and sushi recently.

Of course thats the reflective artist explanation. The other, more common reasoning (and the one I think most people resort to, but I kinda think is bullshit) is that I haven't had time. Working a ton to get ready for a China visit, and then traveling, leaves little space for shopping and cooking. Why is this bullshit? Because I have made cookies at 2am when I have been busier. Its no different that people who (quite mind-blowingly from my perspective) claim working out helps them burn off stress, get a grip on life, etc., and looking judgingly at the rest of us who prefer root-canals to long runs through the park in Dec.

I think I, like many people, have a bad tendency to claim that I don't have time to do things, when what I really mean is that I don't have enough passion to do them. Now I don't think this means I should suck it up and do them anyway. I just think it means that we as a society are pretty crappy at knowing how busy we really are, and, even more dangerous, knowing how we really feel about the things we undertake.

Well, I am currently waiting out the snow, hoping to get back to DC. Once there, I sure hope the passion comes back. Till then.......

Hooray Poor Impulse Control- Dark Chocolate Thin Mint Cheesecake

You know something's good when you are checking to see if it's done every five minutes just so you can lick the knife. Especially when there is a consuming craving it's answering.

Yea, I crave. Its a big part of the reason I am good at whatever it is I am good at. I am usually not the most emotional person in the world (or so say legions of my ex-boyfriends), but I can derive a tremendous amount of passion from craving. Much of the skill I have in life is traceable directly to a lack of patience and some sort of slightly demented superman complex. The thought process is something like: 'I can't stand waiting, and why should I have to, I can do this better and quicker myself. I want x now, badly.'

This has unsurprisingly led me down a road littered with a variety of potentially poor/hazardous/certifiable decisions. The funny thing is, despite every public service announcement and self-help book out there telling me that this will get me nowhere, that I just need to work hard and love myself and keep slugging, somehow it is the violent, passionate, often irrational acts of an impatient soul craving something (sex, money, Kröllebölle, experience, Sushi, love, a trip to Indonesia, to name a few) that have led to the best experiences of my life. A big part of that is enjoyment of even the failures, and appreciation of the idea that the more colossal and passionate the failure, the more interesting it makes me. Who knows. Maybe I am just a lazy spoiled girl who has been cut a few breaks. Who cares. I am happy!

Today, after the return of my boyfriend from a few weeks abroad answered one craving, my mind was clear and poised for another. The boyfriend was trying to describe some delicious chocolate dessert he had in Copenhagen last week, and was at a loss for the name. Like any good children of the internet, we immediately began google image searching 'chocolate dessert'. Well, for a hungry girl looking for a craving, this ended predictably. Three pages of delicious looking things later, I 'needed' chocolate cheesecake. Not the fancy, delicate, complicated gourmet kind, but a giant, sour, huge slice of real New-York Cheesecake.

A brief search of my own records reminded me that I didn't have a 'go-to' recipe. I had some that were good, but nothing that was really 'it'. Years of living in Asia and being served fruit-ganache-cream covered glorified egg tarts masquerading as cheesecake left me with fairly low standards, and I had previous just settled for anything happily not durian flavored. Determined to do better this time, I went hunting.



I found this Emeril recipe on food network (yea, I know, I hate the celebrity chef thing too, but if there is anything that a dude who cooks for the psydo-pretentious masses might get right, cheesecake could be it). It provided a good amount of guidance as to proportions, but I wanted something a little more. Mint. Most recipes out there that add mint to the mix do so through creme-de-menthe; however, the alcohol changes the texture and rising of the cheesecake. I am not a fan. I don't even use vanilla extract in cheesecake for the same reason. I did, however, remember the second box of Girl Scout Thin Mint cookies sitting in my freezer. Having had some fantastic success at making ice cream out of them, I thought, why not work up a whole line of deliciousness based off of these bestest cookies ever, and break up a bunch and use them like Oreos in the cheesecake? Easy!

I wanted to give the cheesecake itself a little hint of mint as well, however, and was at a loss for how to go about that. Until I saw a York Peppermint Pattie at the supermarket checkout. Perfect! Melted into the chocolate, the Peppermint Pattie was just the right hint of mint.

------Aside- they do give you a weird look when you checkout with only two pounds of cream cheese and a Peppermint Pattie. Like that's more strange that the dude with six boxes of Tampons and a bottle of cherries that was in front of me in line. Whatever. Maybe the checkout lady thought we were together. I shudder.



Cheesecakes are super easy, although they need to refrigerate a few hours before serving, so plan accordingly! Much of below is adopted from the original, with a few significant changes.

Ingrediants:
6 Graham Crackers
1 cup plus 3 tablespoons sugar
1 stick butter
2 1/2 (8-ounce) packages cream cheese
Seeds from 1 vanilla bean (scraped from inside of pod)
3 tablespoons all-purpose flour
1 cup sour cream
8 ounces melted semisweet chocolate, cooled slightly
1 full-size York Peppermint Pattie, melted into the chocolate
3 eggs
1 tube of Thin Mints (12 or so, to taste)


Directions

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (if using a silver springform pan, or 325 degrees F if using a dark nonstick springform pan).


Lightly grease the bottom and sides of a 9-inch spring-form pan. In a food processer, combine the graham cracker crumbs, 3 tablespoons of the sugar, and the butter until well mixed and shapable (sticks together). Press onto the bottom of springform pan and set aside. You can use chocolate graham crackers, or any other dry cookie here too.


In a large mixing bowl with an electric mixer, combine cream cheese, remaining cup of sugar, and vanilla bean seeds and beat until light and creamy. Add the flour to the cream cheese mixture and beat until smooth. Add the melted chocolate and peppermint pattie and sour cream and mix well. Add the eggs, 1 at a time, mixing on low speed after each addition until just blended. Finally, hand-crush the thin mints, leaving some large pieces, and mix into the batter. Pour the batter into prepared pan and bake for 1 hour 15 min, until the center is almost set. You will likely need about an hour and a half, but stat checking at 1:15. Dry cheesecakes suck.

Run a sharp knife around the rim of the pan and allow cake to cool on a wire rack before removing rim of pan. Refrigerate at least 4 hours or overnight before serving. Cheesecake may be made up to 2 days in advance before serving and will keep for up to 1 week in the refrigerator.




Seriously, this is one of the best desserts I have ever made. Damn. There's the craving. Time for another piece. Why isn't running or learning Japanese craveable? Arugh.

Oh, I so WANTED to love you- A Review of Georgetown Bagelry

Wanting to love people, and wasting time and money and precious energy trying to make it happen has long been a weakness of mine. Something, somewhere, tells me I should love them, because they are kind or attractive or patient or any number of things that are, in reality, never enough on their own.

Although I have happily, after much heartbreak (not the least of which was my own), largely given up on that habit in my personal life, it nevertheless seems to have been pushed off to the little (well maybe not so little) part of my brain that is devoted to food.

Months of perky, chipper little tweets from Mary Beall Adler from Georgetown Bagelry have made me want to try the place for ages. After an unsuccessful attempt a few weeks ago (where I discovered, that it is NOT, in fact, in Georgetown, but rather Bethesda), I went traveling for a bit, and hadn't made another attempt.

Today, in an attempt to actually get some non-food writing done (which you can see I have succeeded wildly at), I finally made the drive up there. Anywhere outside the diamond or across the river is a big deal for me. I had a mini-meltdown when I discovered that my boyfriend lived one block over the dividing line, and in fact paid taxes in Maryland! Gasp! Nevertheless, I have, largely on account of his inspiration (he knows the cities he has lived in more comprehensively than most local police, and I admire his getting out of his own bubble), begun exploring the no-man's land that comprise the DC suburbs. He would take issue with me even calling Bethesda, or Alexandria for that matter, suburbs, but baby steps, right?. I have been recently on a rather unsuccessful attempt to be very productive in coffee shops all over town.

Georgetown Bagelry should have been a great place to love. The tweets are always full of deals, they offer great discounts on already super-reasonable prices, it was busy enough to seem alive without being loud or distracting, there was free wi-fi, and a booth to call my own. A wide variety of bagel options rounded out the deal. Nevertheless, I left feeling 'eh'. The bagels were good, the cream cheese good, but neither blew me away. I still prefer Bagels and Baguettes on the Hill. I wanted to love them, but well, I just couldn't feign enough passion. It didn't help that the first time I ordered, I received a sesame instead of onion with my scallion cream cheese. Still tasty, but not quite what I wanted. The ordering process was itself was pretty painful. The staff was distracted, and not overwhelmingly good with communication- they seemed to have a hard time understanding customers. The second time I ordered a blueberry with strawberry cream cheese, and somehow got a tub of strawberry cream cheese and a milk? When I pointed this out, the server just gave me back the price of the milk, without the extra tax, and seemed mostly annoyed.



That said, its cheap, well-designed, and tasty. I was everything a good bagel shop should be. But like all the 'everything a good boyfriend should be' men I have had to painfully give up over the years, for some reason, there just wasn't the spark I needed.

Alas.

Give it a try. Who knows, maybe its the bagel shop YOU were meant to be with.

24, 24, 24- Suggestions for HaochiDC's dream meal...

Ok. So I am all about the contests lately.

I just came across a contest that would allow HaochiDC, and a fair few of my closest friends, a chance to construct our 'ideal meal'. I would submit a proposal, and if chosen, be given $250 to create and post about an ideal meal experience.

So I am turning to my readers, of course, for ideas! What would you like to see? For those of you around here, what would you like to attend? It can be something I make, somewhere we dine out together, or something we all contribute to....

Post ideas below, or email them to haochidc@gmail.com. I will post the final proposal here....

Thanks team!

Details below:

24, 24, 24" is the most unique monthly food blogging event covering 24 meals on 24 blogs in 24 hours. From "Dinner in Gordon Ramsey's Kitchen," to "A Cheese Tango in Italy, to "Behind the Scenes, the Making of Artisan Gelato," "24 Meals, 24 Hours, 24 Posts" captures the spirit of real-time food publishing by real people. This month's Foodbuzz "24, 24, 24," brought to you by Visa Signature, will take place on Saturday, September 26th, so if you would like to participate, make sure we get your proposal by Monday, September 14th at 9AM PS


What would your Visa Signature dinner be? An old fashioned family dinner complete with your mom's famous meatballs? A seven-course tasting menu at your favorite restaurant in the city? Barbecued brisket picnic in the park with friends and family? Taking over your "best kept secret" sushi bar in the neighborhood for sushi, sashimi, and more sushi? A clambake on your favorite beach?


And what would your ultimate post coverage entail? A video segment bringing the world into your dining room? A photo collage capturing the best of the best food photos of the party? Quotes from your guests on the highlights of the night? Recipes to encourage us all to recreate the soiree on our own? An interview with the chef who created your sensational tasting menu?


How it works: Featured Publishers interested in participating can submit a proposal for a unique dinner they will create, capture, and share with the rest of the world. Foodbuzz will select 24 Visa Signature entries and provide the winners with a $250 stipend to help make the proposal happen. All 24 Visa Signature dinner events must be held on the same date, September 26th, 2009. Posts must be submitted to the Foodbuzz website by Sunday, September 27th, 2009. The "24, 24, 24," contest is solely sponsored by Foodbuzz.

Really, it was good! - Goat Cheese Chipotle Ice Cream with Chipotle-Infused Honey Drizzle and Fresh Basil

So I hate the word 'foodie'. I hate the entire culture of food pretension. When I first started this blog, the word 'foodie' was something like 'panties' to me. It seemed somehow pretentious and shallow, and maybe a little dirty. I really hated that it had anything to do with me. This was insecurity at its finest; I have more than once caught myself blathering on about how American food culture should change, and the superiority of eating fresh local foods to disinterested people just trying to get through their day (and hiding McDonalds under their seat). I can be a real ass sometimes. It's not that I don't believe in what I am preaching, I do. It's that I desperately don't want to become one of those Ann-Taylor-clad-preachy-DC-girls that wanders around telling all sorts of people who aren't interested how 'delectable the peaches from the Penn Quarter farmers market were this week.' I try to take time out from my high-falutin' blogging to stress the things that I love that are less top-hat-monocle and more flannel-shirt-old-style. Thus my 'embarassing things I love' series. That said, I do own alot of Ann Taylor. I mean, I am a 20-something professional in DC. There was definitely a note of defensiveness in my aversion to 'foodies.'

All of that aside, I never miss a chance for shameless self promotion. See my comment above about being an ass. When I came across 'foodie fights' a few months back, I thought it might be a fantastic opportunity for such unjustified self-aggrandizement. The site pits several food bloggers against one another to see who can come up with the best, most creative, most delicious-looking dish given two defined ingredients that change every week. I didn't particularly want to be 'queen' foodie for the week, but heck, I'll take the extra traffic, right?

Well, what began as a fairly typical cynical venture knocked me on my heels. These 'foodies'- they were, well, amazing. The recipes people posted were creative, unfussy, and nearly universally delicious looking. Try as I might to find a nugget of snobbishness or pretension in their posts, I came up dry. Once I realized that perhaps these 'foodies' had quite a bit to offer, I thought maybe I should wait a bit before I play. No one likes to be the 8th grader on the varsity court, what with all the wedgies and locker-room humiliation. So I held off for a few months to protect my still-un-towel-snapped ass, read the amazing posts and dishes that people created, and thought out a new approach to this foodie fight thing. Finally, last week I decided it was time to pull the trigger, and here I am, hat in hand, ready to play.

This week's ingredients? Chipotle and Goat Cheese.

My first instinct was the flatbread I normally do with goat cheese and rosemary. I made it, but this time used roasted red peppers in a chipotle marinade and put them on top with a chipotle goat cheese (with pieces of peppers in it!) from the Eastern Market cheese Nazi (who was out of my favorite honey-goat cheese). It was delicious, but really kind of a no-brainer. I kept it as my backup, but decided to go a bit more out there for the post. Disaster or not, I figured it would make a good post.




My mom bought me an ice cream maker a few years back, and I figured it was time to enlist it in some concoctions more devious than the melon sorbet it has been charged with most of the summer.

So the idea for Chipotle Goat Cheese Ice Cream was born.

1.5 cups milk

4 egg yolks

1/2 to 3/4 cup sugar (depending on the sweetness of the cheese)

2 oz chipotle (or any peppery flavor will do, not too sour though) goat cheese. You can make your own by mincing up a few peppers and mixing them in to taste. I suggest about one pepper per two oz, no more or it will overwhelm the cheese.

Honey (I used chipotle-infused honey, which basically means I steeped the honey with chipotle peppers before using it)

Basil Leaves

(A note- I don't include process pictures for a very good reason. It's not that I think they are boring or unnecessary. It's that my process is ugly. I mean sugar-on-the-walls, using-an-old-baseball-helmet-as-a-bowl, feeding-cheese-rinds-to-my-dog, occasionally-throw-an-egg-cause-its-fun-to-throw-eggs ugly. If you are reading this, chances are your process is better than mine. Certainly prettier. Why would I go screwing that up with my pictures? Make it your own.

I started out with a very basic custard recipe:

1. Heat the milk and sugar over low heat until the sugar is dissolved.
2. Whisk the egg yolks in a separate bowl.
3. Slowly add the milk to the egg yolks, whisking constantly, until well-combined.
4. Put the mix back in the saucepan over medium-low heat.
5. Stirring constantly (a good rubber scraper works best to keep it from congealing on the sides of the pan), heat the mixture until it is thick enough to coat the back of the spoon opaquely.

This alone makes a great base for any ice cream.

Then you add the goat cheese

6. Put the goat cheese large bowl with a strainer or small-holed colander over it.
7. Pour the custard into the colander and let it drain onto the cheese.
8. Stir the cheese into the hot custard until melted and combined.

From here, its just a matter of making it cold!

9. Put the mixture into the fridge and allow to cool.
10. Once cold, add the mixture to your ice cream maker and follow instructions. I left mine in for about 20 minutes, and then put it in the freezer for four hours to harden.
11. Serve with a thick drizzle of the infused honey over the top (I love the way it hardens just slightly), and serve with basil leaves as garnish (tasty when dipped into the melty bit at the end!)

I NEVER expected this to be so good, but it was just delicious. Something like cheese cake, with just enough kick to it to be interesting. I had thought I might add some chipotle chocolate cookies as well, but once I tasted the ice cream, I realized that it would be too much. One of the hardest parts of cooking (and something I think pretentious food almost always messes up) is knowing when to stop, when the right amount has been achieved with a dish.

One of the real pleasures of having friends who love food, but are far from 'foodies' is presenting them with creative dishes they have not seen before, and that they would never normally choose. This was absolutely one of them. Talking normal people into trying interesting, fresh, different food is one of my true pleasures in life- for that, I love my oldstyle-drinkin-papa-johns-pizza-orderin-non-foodie-friends. But for the ideas, the inspiration, and my own education, I am DAMN glad there are some amazing foodies out there. I can't wait to see what they did with this!

Miracle in the garden: This Week's Garden Report, Summer 2009

The Honey Locust tree that was cut down and ground out last fall has been sending up new shoots. I ran the lawn mower over ‘em as soon as I spotted ‘em. Within a week it grew back again! This time I went chemical on it. I figured good blast of Round-up ought to do the trick. I cut the tree down in the first place because there was an image of the Virgin Mary in the bark. I didn’t want anybody seeing it, as before you know I would have every religious crackpot in the state is trying to build a shrine out in the back yard. A Lazarus Locust!? Now the question is, do I ignore the obvious divine intervention and take the lawn mower to it again if it does grow back? Or let it grow? Maybe I should consult a priest. I wonder if they do garden consults?

The hammerdog experiment has only been partially successful. It would be a huge help if he lifted his leg to pee, but he just does a semi-squat . However he does prefer to go along the edge of the garden and straddle a bush or plant. The real benefit comes from Stelladog, being the manly dog that she is, feels it necessary to remark her territory everywhere Hammerdog pees, so she pees right on top of it. So she is not making new brown spots out in the middle of the lawn. Experiment successful?

Most of the re-locations over the past month have been successful. The Russian Sage and Winter Creeper were roughed up pretty bad in their transplant, but now seem to be recovering nicely. The infiltration of Charlie from the south has come to a complete stop. A couple more Hostas were rounded up and pressed into service along the southern frontier. I need only about 5 more yards of Hostas to close the remaining gaps. The dig-n-dash at the bank parking lot has bee ruled out. If I ever make a run at a bank, it ain’t going to be for flowers.

The shed relocation project has begun. The Bleeding Heart was transplanted along the western border next to its offspring. What a plant that has been! It has cuttings planted in over 4 states, in just about every neighbors yard and God knows where else. The way that thing takes to splitting and transplanting is amazing. I should have sent some of the shoots off to China, introduce some invasive species as payback for the Ashborer Beetle, and Asian Longhorn Beetle. That’ll learn ‘em!

The fern migration to Wayne’s world began years ago, most of the early migrants got the choice spots. Unfortunately, like a bunch of autoworkers at a GM plant, some of those ferns refused to see the inevitable. A forced migration is now underway. About 40 ferns were dug up and put in temporary storage in Wayne World. That guy now has probably the best fern garden in town and doesn’t even know it.

Lots of excitement in the garden in anticipation of this weekends annual Pansy Pride Parade. Big crowds are expected. Most of the other plants are putting on their finest. You should see the Clematis. What a display they’re puttin’ on. Speaking off Clematis, the mutant Kudzu/clematis had to be physically restrained this week. It was becoming a serious hazard to the Azalea and was starting to climb the birdbath. I found a bunch of feathers back there and I’m getting suspicious. Either that plant has gone carnivore or the neighbor’s cat got lucky. I think the cat is too stupid and fat, so I’m getting kinda worried. I spent a whole hour tying the damn plant to it’s trellis and I think it’s slipping loose again as I write! I better go check while there’s still daylight, I won’t be able to sleep otherwise.

Mas Tuna Rolls, Por Favor! - Sushi Hana in Portland

So I have mentioned my addiction before. Sushi. It started as just something I did socially, with friends, just so they wouldn't have to indulge alone. And then something flipped. I had some gooooood stuff. In LA. And now I think about it all the time. I need more each time, and I am spending money I don't have in its pursuit. I neglect my family (or at least my dog's evening walks) in order to go out and score, and when I am at rock bottom and really jonesing, I do things I am ashamed of. Like order it from Chinese restaurants. I ignore the rubbery-ness and awful-ness of certain sushi go-rounds and even mediocre tuna with red pepper flakes triggers a binge.

Vacation is no different. The month I spent in China for work was torture. I did Sushi in China once, even though years of living in Asia should have made me wiser. I can still hear the dialogue in my head.....'But it's the nicest place in Beijing, where the Japanese Ambassador eats. Surely this would be ok'. Rationalization. I knew better, but maybe the inklings of the addiction were coming through even then. 'I will only have a few pieces.' Bargaining. I should have seen it coming. How did it end? With me puking at the sight of the 4 cases of beer the Irish guys ahead of me in line were bringing on the trans-siberian train the next day, coming off the worst night of sick in my life.

Anyway, my two trips to Portland this summer offered no respite from the craving. Fortunately, I have a boyfriend who is not only indulgent, but also encouraging of my little problem. He likes his sushi too. He had been talking about a little place in Portland for ages that was supposedly great and cheap. Keep in mind, however, that as he hates most things about DC, everything in Portland was both 'cheap' and 'great' in comparison. Add to that the fact it was in a strip mall, suspiciously located next to a Petco, and I was wary. Still, not many crack addicts complain about the quality of their rocks, especially when they are far away from their home dealers, so I hardly resisted trying it.




When I first walked into Sushi Hana in Tigard, just south of Portland, I saw a basic sushi-go-round. It took a few seconds for the real magic of the place to become evident. Like any sushi-go-round, Sushi Hana uses little colored plates to show how much various items cost. Unlike basically any other sushi-go-round, however, the most expensive little plate is $3! Most are between $1.50 and $2.50. Add to that the Monday happy hour special during which all plates are $1.50, and you have one of the best deals ever.... basically all you can eat. And eat I did. Although no match for the boyfriend's 19 plates (which blew the mind of our tiny waitress), I did a respectable 10. For under $25.



All you can eat is great (my favorite for the DC area is Matsutake in Ballston), but a good deal alone wouldn't justify the longing that I currently am feeling for Sushi Hana.

No, what was most remarkable about Sushi Hana was the quality. The sushi was fresh, the rolls creative and well-constructed. Unlike too many buffets and sushi-go-rounds, the chefs were selective about what was put on the belt- they didn't put out things that would go off too fast, and had a remarkable sense of just how much of anything was desired at a given time. Of course if you wanted anything in particular, they were not only receptive to, but actively seeking out requests.

This brings me to the final reason Sushi Hana is almost enough alone to pull me back to Portland for keeps, and the title of the post. Throughout the meals, a chorus of 'Mas Nigiri' or 'Hand-roll por favor' accompanied the methodical activity of the sushi chefs behind the counter. Normally, hearing your sushi chef shout to the kitchen in anything but Japanese is a reason for concern. Of course, there are the one-off all-you-can eat situations for which, as my best friend puts it, 'quantity has a quality all its own'; even these places, however, usually hide their non-Japanese sushi chefs in the back (along with, thankfully, the prep area... not visible is basically equivalent to sanitary for this girl).




Sushi Hana chefs were amazing, however. They were clearly in love with their work, and every time I went there, they seemed genuinely happy to be alive and making sushi. And I went there three times. In one 10 day trip. Yea, I like the place. I can't imagine how it must feel to be a super talented sushi chef who happens to be from Guatamala, but I imagine its not great. Like an Alaskan surfer, or a Laotian tight-end. No one expects your talent, and it must be infuriating to constantly surprise people. These chefs, however, have found a home, and for that, I am grateful. Not as grateful as if they were my dealers back home, but happy nonetheless.

Of course, now that I have had the pure stuff, it will take me a bit to get used to the expensive home brew here in DC again, but, as my visit to Kyoto Sushi last night proved, I can't stay away long.

Oh, Sushi. Mercury poisoning tastes so good!

The Cost of Food- from Macheesmo Blog

(Photo courtesy of eHow)

So I came across this the other day, and I thought it was incredibly interesting. I think when estimating the cost of things, people consistently neglect the value of their time. When looking at the economy of cooking, time plays a considerable role.

Of course the value that one assigns to different types of activity is also key- if you hate cooking so much that you now need to take time afterwards to do something to relax, well then you would have to add the cost of that time in. Conversely, if you love it enough that it is in and of itself relaxing, and you can scratch another relaxation activity, then you need to consider that benefit in the cost calculation.

I very much like how the poster laid out his assumptions clearly. Its also worth checking out the original post for all the great comments.

Anyway, from the Blog "Macheesmo (Cook Something)":

I was at a party last weekend talking to someone about Macheesmo and they mentioned that they probably wouldn’t read it because they don’t cook. Ignoring the point that I try to write for an audience that doesn’t cook frequently, I instead asked them why they don’t cook. They sited two of the most frequent reasons I hear for why people don’t cook: It’s too expensive and it takes too long.

I’ve talked about the time it takes to cook before, but I want to focus on the dollar bills for this post. If you’re an economist (I’m not) then you might argue that the time argument is really just a money argument. Depending on how valuable your time is, it may or may not be worth it to take the time to cook. Because really, time is money right? So I thought I would take a recent recipe I posted and go into the approximate economics of it to try to prove, more or less, that cooking really is a great way to save money.

The Argument Against Cooking. The basic argument goes something like this. There are a lot of costs involved with cooking. You have to buy the ingredients, you have to purchase the equipment, you have to spend the time to learn to cook, and only once you’ve done all that business can you actually cook the meal!

All of those steps either cost actual money or time-money.

So all of those are legitimate arguments and some of them are easier to put an actual dollar sign on than others, but I’m going to do my best in the below example. By the way, as an aside, yes I’m a complete geek and love doing stuff like this.

The Assumptions: For this little test to work out, I need to make a few assumptions:

* The test subject’s time is worth $20/hour. That’s an extremely respectable wage.
* The subject has a pan and a freezer already and some basic kitchen tools.
* The subject knows how to read.
* The subject likes burritos, because that’s what we’re making.

The Cost to Cook. These are my basic break downs on cooking costs for these burritos. The time costs are estimated, but the food costs are based on actual receipts. I had to do some interesting math for fractions and stuff, so I always rounded up when in question.

The Ingredients: (Keep in mind I shopped at Whole Foods. You could beat these prices.)

8 large tortillas - $4
1 pound Cheddar Cheese - $5
3 cans of beans - $3
2 avocados - $2 (these were on sale)
Sour cream - $.50
Rice - $.50
Peppers - $1.50
Onion - $.50
Hot sauce - $1 (I probably used half a bottle.)
Spices/salt/oil/etc. - $1 (estimated)
Equipment (aluminum foil, etc.): $1
Tax: $0 (no tax on any of these things in DC)

Total Ingredient costs: $20

The labor:

Learning: $10 (I can’t imagine that it would take someone half an hour to read my recipe and interpret it. Seems generous, but I’ll go with it.)
Shopping: $20
Cooking: $30 (This recipe took me about an hour and a half, start to finish. I’m pretty fast at chopping and stuff, but I was also taking photos and taking the occasional beer break, so that evens out.)
Reheating: $30 (10 minutes per burrito maybe.)

Total Labor Costs: $90

Total Burrito Costs: $110 or $13.75/burrito

That seems like a pretty expensive burrito!

The Cost to Eat Out. To get a decent comparison for this, I assumed that I would buy 8 veggie burritos from my local Chipotle. This will be a lot shorter.

8 Burritos: $49 ($6.14/burrito. I rounded down.)
Tax: $4.90

Total Burrito Costs: $53.90 or $6.74/burrito

Oh but we aren’t done….

Labor: I’m going to break this down per burrito so I don’t lose you.

Walking to Chipotle: $3.30 (I would guess it takes 10 minutes on average to walk to Chipotle.)
Ordering burrito: $1.70 (I assumed an incredibly efficient Chipotle which can make my burrito in about five minutes with waiting in line. In reality, this usually takes at least 10 minutes.)
Walking back from Chipotle: $3.30

Total Labor Costs: $66.40 or $8.30/burrito

Total Chipotle Costs: $120.30 or $15.04/burrito

Honestly, when I did this calculation I was a bit surprised with the result. I wasn’t expecting it to be that much of a difference.

The big thing that you might notice is that the labor costs for going out were higher than cooking. I think that sometimes this gets forgotten. Because people aren’t actively working when they go out, they forget that they are still spending time doing that activity. But if you’re doing a real analysis of costs, that lost time has to be factored in.

A few follow up comments that are worth mentioning:

Cheap meal! When I told my roommate Jeff about this post, his response was that I picked the cheapest meal possible. That may be true, but that doesn’t take away from the point. I used the example mainly because it was easy to find a place that made almost the same burrito that I made. But honestly, I would bet that if there was a restaurant that churned out something more expensive like Mango Chicken Simmer dishes, my version would still be cheaper.

Buy in Bulk! This is an interesting argument. If you were to go to Chipotle, buy 8 burritos, immediately take them home and freeze all of them, you would bring down your costs per burrito substantially. There would still be labor costs involved in this such as reheating etc. It might might the per burrito cost cheaper… But seriously. Who does that?

Hidden perks: What absolutely blows the Chipotle burritos away though is that the homemade burritos taste better! You can customize each one. You can take your time to ensure that the ingredients are evenly distributed and seasoned. Basically, you can make the perfect burrito for you!

A second hidden perk that I’m only mentioned as an aside because I can’t prove it, but I would suspect that my version is healthier than Chipotle’s version. If they aren’t, you could make yours healthier because you are making them.

So that is my analysis on the issue. I’m a huge geek.

At least now when someone gives that reason as an excuse, I can just give them a link to this post.

Savor: An American Craft Beer & Food Experience

Somewhere over DaNang, on SQ 837, it hit me. I need a beer. Badly. Three days of cross-pacific travel, followed by horrid food in a overpriced Chinese hotel, and a whole month of worrying about getting work done ahead of me adds up to one stressed girl. This is not surprising. What is surprising is the manifestation of the need for stress relief in the form of beer craving. This is new. In the past, stress drove regrettable binges of homemade cookie dough, financially ill-advised trips across the planet, and questionable romantic endeavors. Even a craving for a good whiskey or lots of bad gin and tonics. But never before beer.

Why the sudden prominence of beer in my consciousness? One word- Savor. Haochi DC was lucky enough to swing passes to this fabulous event, featuring craft beers paired with delicious food a few weeks back in a delicious worship of everything beer.




I was totally and utterly blown away. I mean, I liked beer ok, and had progressed beyond the natty-light-in-a-garbage-can-full-of-ice-at-the-party-of-that-dude-I-accidentally-made-out-with years ago, and liked a good stout, but I hadn't really given much thought to the nuances of good beer beyond, well, it being good.

I can even pinpoint the moment that all changed. Haochi DC was offered a seat in one of the sideline seminars during the event featuring beer and chocolate pairings. Best case scenario in my imagination was that this would be like a wine tasting, where things were good together, but my palate was sadly unsophisticated, and I would leave not really understanding why or having any hope of replicating the pairings myself. More likely, I figured this was just a lame attempt by the beer industry to move in on the wine market by making up their own lexicon of fancy-words. This fit right in with the trashy-is-hip, PBR-is-cool trendy demographic I feared would make up the main body of attendees. But hey, free beer? Im no snob, that was enough to get me to give it a try.

What I discovered with the first pairing felt like coming in from the darkness. After years of desperately trying to pretend I understood what the difference between 'oaky' and 'woodsy' was when tasting six different seemingly identical mediocre chardonnays, it was like a light bulb came on. Hoppy. Now there is a taste I can identify. When beer is said to have hints of chocolate, it has hints of fucking chocolate! I get it! It wasn't my tongue that had failed, it was the medium! After years of being a fraud at wine tastings, suddenly I actually got it. This was right up there in the revelation department with understanding fractions and decimals were the same thing, my parents were winging it more often than not, and that nothing about The Wall is really all that profound without heavy drugs and the mind of a 15 yr old (warning, those two are often related).

Not only did the beer bring out certain flavors in the chocolate, as one expects with a paired tasting, but the chocolate actually pulled things out of the beer that would have been otherwise overlooked. I have never had paired wines that so delightfully and comprehensively intermingled flavors with the food they were paired with. Its as though beer were made for chocolate, and all these years I totally missed it. Of course it helped that the beers in question were all from New Holland Brewery, my vote for the Best in Show at the event. Each beer was complex, interesting, and eminently drinkable. The brewer, Fred Bueltmann, was on hand and accessible to all my bumbling inquiries (thankfully forgiving of my newly-in-beer-love swooning and patient with my myriad of questions). Gail Ambrosius, a choclatier from Madison WI brought her A game as well, and the chocolates were exquisite. You can see all the pairings below, but my top pick?

Dragon's Milk, a rich ale brewed in old bourbon barrels from Heaven Hill, one of our favorite Bourbons, with one of the most unusual, yet natural chocolates I have ever tasted, Shitake. The combination was earthy and rich, almost like a cream sauce. Dragon's milk brought out the sweetness in the chocolate, and the Shitake balanced the creaminess of the beer. Interestingly, the Dragon's Milk would have been right at home paired with something richer as well, my vote would be the sea salt caramel, but would have been a totally different beer.

The other strong contender was the Black Tulip Trippel Ale and the ginger and Lemongrass chocolate. The Black Tulip cut the spiciness of the chocolate, resulting in a strong leading taste with a quick end of sweetness, rather than the lingering gingery-ness that would otherwise overwhelm the chocolate. The chocolate brought the fruitiness of the Ale forward. It was perfect, and meant for Thai food. Asian food sorely lacks dessert, but this would have made up for it 50 times over.








For now, I'm going to flag down a stewardess and bitterly drink my Tsing dao, dreaming of better brews and better days


A few other winners:

Available locally:

Steamworks 'Backside Stout'



Schmaltz Hebrew 'Original Pomegranate Ale'





Schlafly Reserve 'Oak-Aged Barleywine'



Magic Hat




Further Afield:

Rogue 'Nut-Brown'



Rock Art Brewery 'Vermonster'



Oskar Blues 'Old Chub' (in a can!)



Southernmost Pale Ale (from Key West)



Heinerbrau Maerzen



Coney Island "Sword Swallower"



General Guide to beer pairing:






For more info on all the beers and foods at the event, please check out the Savor homepage. or check out the info sheet below.