Usurption and Team Dissent: This Week's Garden Report, Jul 2003

Well, the all-star break is over and there is much to be done in the
garden. The weeds, once again led by Creeping Charlie, are infiltrating the lawn.
I'm going to the hardware store to find some agent orange to get rid of it for
good this time. Charlie don't surf and never will.
I'm having some major problems on the field this summer. I have mentioned a
lack of discipline out there and it seems to be getting worse. The Mums are
starting to bloom almost a month early and the Shasta Daisies are pissed. There
are some hard feelings about playing time. I don't blame them, this has always
been their time of the year and they don't need to be upstaged by a bunch of
Mums who can't wait their turn. I've threatened the Mums with the weedwacker
but they know it's all bluff. I'm in a quandary, how do you discipline a plant?
Major work is being done in the Rita Reserve (my neighbor's yard). New bushes are being
installed and the weeds from Wayne's world (back neighbor's yard) are being forced into retreat. I've done
some big time deforestation in Wayne's yard under the cover of daylight. I'm
slowly taking over the neighborhood.

Round 2 Picks: This Week's Garden Report, Houseplant Supplement: July 2003

I recently moved back from Singapore to Texas, and picked up some plants my mother was caring for in my absence. Well after a year long stint with their mean old foster mom, they are back with me. However, they are not so thrilled. Like any good mom, I stuffed them in the back of the car with the windows shut in the ridiculously hot Texas sun for four days with no sun. The have told me that what really upset them was that they could just see us enjoying our water and light, but they were condemned to what is essentially plant hell, the back seat of a packed Saturn. there have been more than a few requests that if there is to be a repeat performance, I should buy an SUV with lots of space for them- makes more CO2 for their outside-dwelling family. In fact, that should be the car makers big campaign. Having a Canyonero or whatever is good for the environment, cause it puts more CO2 into the air for the plants to eat....
Anyway, they are settling into their new home with an understandable degree of hesitation. I think the big tall one may have ADD (doesn't everyone these days?). He keeps changing which way he is growing. Can't pay attention to any one light stream.
The little ones are stepping out, stretching their legs and seem more forgiving. Still giving me lip though.

The Consequences of Going AWOL: This Weeks Garden Report, Early July 2003

Before I embarked on my journey I left very clear instructions with my
little fuzzy friend Lightning how I wanted things to operate in my absence, but did he care?
Nobody listens, nobody cares!
I returned from my adventures in Texas to find the garden in turmoil.
Nothing had been watered, nothing had been weeded. The flowers are all blooming out
of turn. Yellow ones blooming right next to blue ones. Discipline has gone
right down the tubes. Lightning's excuse is that he was too busy keeping the
squirrels at bay to do even the lightest of weeding. He's always got a story!
Luckily, I have a few days off to catch up on things. The Lilies of all
varieties are in full bloom with the daylilies putting on the best show ever. All
the Clematis are in full bloom and a couple of 'em are a real spectacle. The
impatients are finally recovering from the hail storm and are lookin' good.
The new second shift, Night Litchness, seem to have run it's course and has
been signed up for next season. I'm going to start looking for other likely
candidates for the second shift.
Well, I gotta go and mow the lawn. I wanted to get up real early so I could
wake up the neighbors with my lawn mower, but I got up to late.