Round 2 Picks: This Week's Garden Report, Houseplant Supplement: July 2003

I recently moved back from Singapore to Texas, and picked up some plants my mother was caring for in my absence. Well after a year long stint with their mean old foster mom, they are back with me. However, they are not so thrilled. Like any good mom, I stuffed them in the back of the car with the windows shut in the ridiculously hot Texas sun for four days with no sun. The have told me that what really upset them was that they could just see us enjoying our water and light, but they were condemned to what is essentially plant hell, the back seat of a packed Saturn. there have been more than a few requests that if there is to be a repeat performance, I should buy an SUV with lots of space for them- makes more CO2 for their outside-dwelling family. In fact, that should be the car makers big campaign. Having a Canyonero or whatever is good for the environment, cause it puts more CO2 into the air for the plants to eat....
Anyway, they are settling into their new home with an understandable degree of hesitation. I think the big tall one may have ADD (doesn't everyone these days?). He keeps changing which way he is growing. Can't pay attention to any one light stream.
The little ones are stepping out, stretching their legs and seem more forgiving. Still giving me lip though.

Suspicions Mounting: This Week's Garden Report, Houseplant Supplement: May 2003

Well, I returned home to find a full fledged lack of morale here
in the house. Last week one of the twin tropical bushes I had had
decided to commit a very noble Japanese-style suicide by
impaling itself through the middle (or so it appeared) and simply
slouching over. Plant Hari-kiri. Who knew?

Its brother in arms has take this as a sign he should rise to
prominence, but, much like Icarus, in his desire to grow
closer to the sun he has gone too high, and is now quickly outgrowing
his pot and turning brown. The favorite plant, the one that looks like
a Chinese impressionist painting, appears bitter at my many recent
absences, and appears to be despondent at its anticipated move to 'the
apartment of the guy downstairs who smells funny but helped my owner
move me upstairs in exchange for a promise I would go to him when she
left' I've been trying to keep it a secret, but I think it heard me on
the phone to the movers.

The one star of the house is my little Filipino table plant,
given to me by the maid when my other one died (right around the time
she took over the plant-care duties, calling me inept and better
suited to writing than nurturing- bodes well for kids later in life,
eh?). It knows it will go back to her care when I am gone, and it
actually seems excited at the prospect.

Little League: This Week's Garden Report, Houseplant Supplement, Feb 2003

Well the season in the little league started off good. The plants
began their life training with the Swedes in Ikea, and were raised
strong and sensible. Two fern-ish looking things for $4 and some more
expensive ($11) mini tree thing that looks like it is from an
impressionist Chinese painting. Well the cheap
plants have been prospering in whatever light I move them too. I think
they are simply re-potted Singaporean weeds. Although something seems
to be chewing on them, despite me not having bugs anywhere visible.; I
suspect 4th dimensional invisible bugs- maybe I should call Molder and
Scully. Still, much like the economies of their native homelands,
whatever gets chewed off grows back twice as fast, although a bit
cockeyed. As for the Chinese tree, it had a rough coupla days, mini
branches surrendering like the French army, but then I gave it a
little sun, in front of the big picture window and it switched to the
winning team right quick.

Well, sadly, that's the end of the garden report. As plants go,
well have to see if there are any more cheap potted weeds at Ikea next
trip. The trees out in front of my building are looking better
and better... if I get caught though, I think they might use the
branch to cane me.......