Miracle in the garden: This Week's Garden Report, Summer 2009

The Honey Locust tree that was cut down and ground out last fall has been sending up new shoots. I ran the lawn mower over ‘em as soon as I spotted ‘em. Within a week it grew back again! This time I went chemical on it. I figured good blast of Round-up ought to do the trick. I cut the tree down in the first place because there was an image of the Virgin Mary in the bark. I didn’t want anybody seeing it, as before you know I would have every religious crackpot in the state is trying to build a shrine out in the back yard. A Lazarus Locust!? Now the question is, do I ignore the obvious divine intervention and take the lawn mower to it again if it does grow back? Or let it grow? Maybe I should consult a priest. I wonder if they do garden consults?

The hammerdog experiment has only been partially successful. It would be a huge help if he lifted his leg to pee, but he just does a semi-squat . However he does prefer to go along the edge of the garden and straddle a bush or plant. The real benefit comes from Stelladog, being the manly dog that she is, feels it necessary to remark her territory everywhere Hammerdog pees, so she pees right on top of it. So she is not making new brown spots out in the middle of the lawn. Experiment successful?

Most of the re-locations over the past month have been successful. The Russian Sage and Winter Creeper were roughed up pretty bad in their transplant, but now seem to be recovering nicely. The infiltration of Charlie from the south has come to a complete stop. A couple more Hostas were rounded up and pressed into service along the southern frontier. I need only about 5 more yards of Hostas to close the remaining gaps. The dig-n-dash at the bank parking lot has bee ruled out. If I ever make a run at a bank, it ain’t going to be for flowers.

The shed relocation project has begun. The Bleeding Heart was transplanted along the western border next to its offspring. What a plant that has been! It has cuttings planted in over 4 states, in just about every neighbors yard and God knows where else. The way that thing takes to splitting and transplanting is amazing. I should have sent some of the shoots off to China, introduce some invasive species as payback for the Ashborer Beetle, and Asian Longhorn Beetle. That’ll learn ‘em!

The fern migration to Wayne’s world began years ago, most of the early migrants got the choice spots. Unfortunately, like a bunch of autoworkers at a GM plant, some of those ferns refused to see the inevitable. A forced migration is now underway. About 40 ferns were dug up and put in temporary storage in Wayne World. That guy now has probably the best fern garden in town and doesn’t even know it.

Lots of excitement in the garden in anticipation of this weekends annual Pansy Pride Parade. Big crowds are expected. Most of the other plants are putting on their finest. You should see the Clematis. What a display they’re puttin’ on. Speaking off Clematis, the mutant Kudzu/clematis had to be physically restrained this week. It was becoming a serious hazard to the Azalea and was starting to climb the birdbath. I found a bunch of feathers back there and I’m getting suspicious. Either that plant has gone carnivore or the neighbor’s cat got lucky. I think the cat is too stupid and fat, so I’m getting kinda worried. I spent a whole hour tying the damn plant to it’s trellis and I think it’s slipping loose again as I write! I better go check while there’s still daylight, I won’t be able to sleep otherwise.

Old Friends Abusing Good Graces: This Week's Garden Report, Mid-June 2009

The Sedum Society meeting scheduled for this week has been canceled! No reason need be given!

The Arborvitae felt the wrath of the lawnmower today. Actually, they didn’t feel anything because they were already dead. The whole bunch of the filthy cowards apparently committed mass suicide. They were on the north side of the house away from the rest of the garden, even still, they had a way sweeter deal than the rest of the garden. They got plant-feeding spikes and had their own irrigation set up. Winter was too tough on them or some such tripe. Waa, Waa!!! Plants were a lot tougher when I was a kid. While I was walking thru 3 feet of snow in 100 degree heat to school, up hill, both ways, the plants back at home would be growing all by themselves. No codling needed. They didn’t need any stinking plant food. They would have spit in your eye if you so much as tried to put some mulch around ‘em. Those were the day when men were men and plants were plants and proud of it! It was satisfying to me to feel their ungrateful little stalks being ground into sawdust.

There has been a new source of strife in the garden this spring. The mutant Clematis refuses to climb it’s trellis and is draping itself all over the Azalea. This presents a big problem for all the plants involved in the shed removal project. The mutant Clematis has a special place in my heart, one of the first installations of mine almost 20 years ago. It has proved to be one of the toughest plants out there. I’ve always suspected it being half Kudzu. The Azalea, also a long time winner in the garden, is relatively defenseless from such an assault. I suspect the plants have been talking amongst themselves and are jockeying for the best positions when the relocations start. It will take some genuine diplomacy to sort this problem out.

Hammerdog has been brought in in an attempt to teach Stella to lift her leg when she pees. It’s worth a try.

Resurrection! This Week's Garden Report, May 2009

Years ago, when I was living abroad, my dad sent me a weekly garden report detailing events back home in Chicago, to help me stay connected. They were hilarious. At my prompting, he has restarted this tradition, and I will be publishing them here. Look for archived posts soon!

This Weeks Garden Report.

The garden has been in a terrible state of neglect for well over a year now. I have always suspected that the garden was incapable of self-governance and I have been proven correct. The various factions are fighting amongst themselves while the weeds are multiplying from within and infiltrating from the perimeters. The situation demands a strong leader. Because of the chaos out there I have decided to once again come to the rescue. Memorial Day weekend will see the change of a lot of policies out there.
First off, in memory of the passing of my little fuzzy friend, Lightning, all Day Lilies will be trampled and mowed to the ground. He had a special love of trampling Day Lilies and I feel he would wholeheartedly approve of this action.
The lawn is in a terrible state, although a big part of the problem is a female dog. Male dogs at least have the manners to go pee in a corner, they don't feel the need to pee in the middle of the lawn and create dead spots. I know she does this on purpose, just to piss me off! Another problem with the lawn has been the execution of the Honey-locust tree. It left a huge scar on the lawn and the chips from the stump grinding seem to be everywhere. This action was taken because that overgrown primadonna could not take instruction and grow right. The uncooperative attitude of that stupid tree was endangering the house. I had a long talk with it but it still refused to cooperate, so now it is part of someone’s firewood pile. Harsh, maybe but an example had to be set! All that aside, a reseeding program has been initiated. With the help of some timely rain, obscene and probably illegal, amounts of chemicals, recovery is expected.
As always, Creeping Charlie is a problem. Charlie seems to be everywhere and nowhere at the same time. Although it has been eliminated from the lawn for the most part, it still creeps in from the perimeter. In an effort to control this problem, several radical measures are being taken. First, all Hostas are being shifted to the southern frontier. They will be planted along the fence line. This should help control that border once the present infiltration of Charlie is dealt with. It will also cut down on the amount of weedwacking, a huge side benefit since I’m too cheap to replace my broken weedwacker. Also along this border the Burning Bushes have been caught hiding the creeping Charlie, in retaliation the Burning Bushes will be sent into exile to the yard next door. They brought in on themselves!
On the northern frontier the two scraggly Pines are to be transplanted to the side of the house. Looking thru my neighbors windows no longer holds any fascination for me so I’m blotti’n ‘em out. On hold for now, but a possibility before the end of the year, is the elimination of the Forsythia bushes. No fault of their own, but the dog has taken a likin’ to digging under them. She gets all muddy, tracks it inside and somehow it is my fault. It’s a shame, they have been troopers since planted almost 20 years ago, but some sacrifices must be made.
Along the western frontier, good progress has been made in the civilizing of Wayne’s world (yard). My guerrilla gardening efforts are paying off. Ferns have replaced most of the weeds from his edge. That campaign should be over by the end of this growing season. The other edge of the western border is totally out of control. Charlie is doing a re-enactment of the Ho Chi Minh Trail. I have a massive attack planned for this very afternoon, unless I find something better to do. Temporarily the Russian Sage and Winter Creeper have been replanted in hopes of slowing Charlie down.
The shed tear down project is going slow. There are too many tough decisions to make as to what to throw out and what to make room for in the garage. An additional complication is that some of my best performing and loyalist plants are around it. I refuse to sacrifice them. A relocation program must be initiated first.
Work to be done. I gotta get to it.
Forget it the Cubs game just started, I just found something better to do, oh well!

Usurption and Team Dissent: This Week's Garden Report, Jul 2003

Well, the all-star break is over and there is much to be done in the
garden. The weeds, once again led by Creeping Charlie, are infiltrating the lawn.
I'm going to the hardware store to find some agent orange to get rid of it for
good this time. Charlie don't surf and never will.
I'm having some major problems on the field this summer. I have mentioned a
lack of discipline out there and it seems to be getting worse. The Mums are
starting to bloom almost a month early and the Shasta Daisies are pissed. There
are some hard feelings about playing time. I don't blame them, this has always
been their time of the year and they don't need to be upstaged by a bunch of
Mums who can't wait their turn. I've threatened the Mums with the weedwacker
but they know it's all bluff. I'm in a quandary, how do you discipline a plant?
Major work is being done in the Rita Reserve (my neighbor's yard). New bushes are being
installed and the weeds from Wayne's world (back neighbor's yard) are being forced into retreat. I've done
some big time deforestation in Wayne's yard under the cover of daylight. I'm
slowly taking over the neighborhood.

The Consequences of Going AWOL: This Weeks Garden Report, Early July 2003

Before I embarked on my journey I left very clear instructions with my
little fuzzy friend Lightning how I wanted things to operate in my absence, but did he care?
Nobody listens, nobody cares!
I returned from my adventures in Texas to find the garden in turmoil.
Nothing had been watered, nothing had been weeded. The flowers are all blooming out
of turn. Yellow ones blooming right next to blue ones. Discipline has gone
right down the tubes. Lightning's excuse is that he was too busy keeping the
squirrels at bay to do even the lightest of weeding. He's always got a story!
Luckily, I have a few days off to catch up on things. The Lilies of all
varieties are in full bloom with the daylilies putting on the best show ever. All
the Clematis are in full bloom and a couple of 'em are a real spectacle. The
impatients are finally recovering from the hail storm and are lookin' good.
The new second shift, Night Litchness, seem to have run it's course and has
been signed up for next season. I'm going to start looking for other likely
candidates for the second shift.
Well, I gotta go and mow the lawn. I wanted to get up real early so I could
wake up the neighbors with my lawn mower, but I got up to late.

Labor Strife: This Week's Garden Report, Early Aug 2003

Nothing but problems in the garden this week. The weeds have made gains
everywhere and there appears to be no stopping them. The mums are not going to
wait their turn and are blooming now, almost a month ahead of schedule. Because
of the mums blooming early the Daisies are pitching a fit and not blooming at
all, they are about a week late now and don't look like they'll be producing
much action any time soon. The second shift, Evening Litchness, is refusing to
work nights and have taken to blooming during the days. Pretty damn cocky for a
walk on! The Mexican border (neighbor's yard) is in jeopardy with the death of another
forsythia. That's 5 this year, I smell a conspiracy. The last of the re-enforcements have been
brought up from the Rita reserve (other neighbor's yard). I hope its in time.
Luckily the Clematis are all having a banner season. Also the Coneflowers
have just started to bloom this is their rookie year and I am very impressed
with what I see so far.
That's about it from the garden for this week. Monday I'll start contract
talks with some of the disgruntled players and see if I can get things
straightened out.

Miracles and Dissapointmets- This Week's Garden Report: May 2003

The season seems to be flying by. Several players have come and gone
already. The snow crocuses did very well and were mowed over three weeks ago as
a reward for their efforts. The Jonquils and daffodils had a short and sad
season. Whether they are given another chance next year is still being
debated. I'm going to be scouring garage sales this weekend to look for a
golf club. Tulip golf season is about to open. It looks like it will be as
much fun as apple baseball (used to have a crab apple tree back there). Grape Hyacinths are just about played out, they
put on a pretty good show this year. If they continue to spread at the rate
they have been they will soon become a major early spring player out there.
There have been some true miracles out there the last few days. Six of the
seven Tallhedge Buckthorn that I had given up for dead are suddenly sprouting
leaves all over the place. Very strange, they are starting a good three to
four weeks after their compatriots right next to them. The River Birch
recruited late last fall has pulled a Lazerus act and popped back from the
dead. One of the two Japanese ferns has shown up, the other one is still AWOL
The Christmas fern has been found, not quite as green as you would think an
evergreen fern would be, but it appears to be recovering. Amongst all the
good news though the bald Cypress remains bald.
Coming soon will be the Peonies, and the Asian Lilies. The Iris hordes are
showing their colors and advancing across the field. Hostas are coming up
everywhere, the daring raids I pulled on my sister's and mother-in-law's
gardens last year have really paid off. This year very possibly will be the
year of the Hosta. My ferns are doing well, they are growing totally out of
control and expanding into my neighbors yards. The tide has turned in the
garden wars. My plants are finally getting the upper hand and killing off the
neighbors junk! As always the Bleeding Heart is in full Hemorrhage.
On the front lawn front the war against creeping Charlie is all but over. It
has taken years and has gotten ugly at times but Charlie is on the run and
has nowhere to hide. That with all the rain has made me look like a
semi-competent suburbanite. Charlie gone, Dandelions eradicated, life is good!

Working the City Coffers- This Week's Garden Report: Late Apr 2003

The garden is going full blast now. Things are sprouting up everywhere. All
the Clematis survived and are climbing away. The Iris horde is lining up row
upon row and will be on the march shortly. The new Day Lily planter does seem
to keep Lightning, my dog, out, but he is doing his usual thorough job of trampling
the Day Lilies along the back fence.
Lightning has had a sleep over buddy this week, we're watching a neighbor's dog,
the miserable little fuzzball, whilst they are vacationing. The two of them
are having a blast out there. Lightning is teaching him the finer points of
flower trampling. He seems to a quick study, Apparently he is destined to
specialize in Tulips.
The city came by and planted a new Green Ash tree out front that we
requested last fall. Not bad it's about a $200 tree and we didn't have to pay
anything. Today however, in the Tribune they had a full page article about the latest invader from Asia, The Emerald Ash Borer Beetle. Just in the nick of
time. Lightning says he could pick 'em off if he had a BB gun, but I think
he's still got Squirrel on his mind.

Body Count Rising- This Week's Garden Report: Mid Apr 2003

The devastation caused by winter this year is becoming more and more
apparent. The body count is going up daily. Seven out of the twelve tall hedge
Buckthorn are out of action, the whole border with the Mexicans next door is
now wide open. Three more Forsythias woke up dead this spring, luckily the
Rita reserve (my neighbor's yard) is fully stocked with replacements. Two of the Holly bushes are
terribly wounded and not expected to pull thru.
The new River Birch and Bald Cypress picked up late last season look like
they will not be joining the team this spring after all. Even last seasons
rookie of the year, the Japanese Ferns are MIA. Oh! The humanity!!
Lightning, my dog, is in a total rage about the whole situation. Of course he blames
the squirrels. He claims they are now using weapons of mass destruction and
must be stopped at all costs. He wants to make preemptive strikes into
neighboring yards where the squirrels have their base camps. He wants to
start out by burning Rita's house to the ground because she is doing nothing
to stop the squirrels from using the power lines as a way to infiltrate into
our yard. He claims it's the only language the fuzzy tailed terrorists
understand. I think it's not only the squirrels though, I think he always has
had problems with Rita's little bitchy dog and wants to take care of two
nuisances at once. Even though I don't think he can or would act on this latest threat I am being cautious
about leaving matches laying around.
There is also good news in the garden. The Bleeding Heart appeared 3 days
ago and is already 12 inches tall, that plant is fantastic, once it gets
going you can almost watch it grow. It's liking one of those goofy nature
films they used to show you in grade school with the film sped up. The
tulips, Daffodil, Grape Hyacinth and Icicle Pansies are all doing well and
are on schedule. The Clematis' are all shooting up like there's no tomorrow
and I expect great thing from all of them this summer.
I took out the lawn mower and gave the lawn it's first cut of the year. I
love my new mower. I'm becoming a true suburbanite.

Casualty Report- This Weeks Garden Report: Early Apr 2003

The garden has reappeared as suddenly as it disappeared a couple of weeks
ago. Lightning, my dog, of course takes credit. He claims it was him cracking down on
the fury tailed terrorists that made them cough it up. I remain skeptical.
Nonetheless, the garden is back and the excitement is mounting. The snow
crocuses are putting in there best showing ever. They have spread to about
1/4 of the front lawn, they aren't thick yet but they're getting there. The
new Icicle Pansies recruited last fall are living up to their advertising.
The Tulips, Jonquils and Daffodils are sprouting and should be reporting in
any day now.
It's too early to assess the damage done over the winter. It looks pretty
grim. The heather doesn't appear to have made it and the Holly is showing
lots of damage but should survive. The Hardy Hibiscus apparently wasn't as
hardy as advertised. It looks like all the Mums are going to pull thru. The
new tree in front is budding in a big way and the new River Birch in back is
looking good. The new Bald Cypress remains bald and is causing me some worry,
I've never had one before so I don't know when it should be showing signs of
life. Luckily we had a good rain last night, a real gullywasher, just in time
to because the gully was really getting pretty dirty.
The birds are slowly filtering back to town. There were a few sparrows
checking out the bird houses but apparently the accommodations were not up to
their standards because the uppity little assholes just moved on. Some giant
crows stopped by for a while, these things were huge, like vultures, they
could have flown off with Lightning if they had a mind to.
I discovered a good way to clean up the Myrtle I use as ground cover, I
used a shop vac. Does a great job sucking out the old leaves and junk, It
doesn't break off many of the vines themselves and it kinda fluffs 'em up too.
Sad to say it's too cold to work outside this morning, we had some snow
last night, I guess all there is to do is take a nap.

Quick Put an APB out! This Week's Garden Report, Mar 2003

Things were starting to look up in the garden last week. True everything was
still dormant but the days were getting longer and warmer. The newspaper ads
inspired me to take my little fuzzy friend over to home depot look at bulbs
and tools and such. Lightning loves peeing all over the new lawn mowers. He
also wanted to look at new squirrel traps. He says he recently saw some
squirrels come out of hibernation and he thinks they're up to something big.
He is really paranoid about those damn squirrels.
Then disaster struck the garden. The garden is missing. It has been
totally disappeared. It's like god took a whiteout brush and wiped it off the
face of the earth.
I sent my best scout, Lightning, out to investigate. He returned worried
about what happened to his Frisbees. It's hard to get him to focus sometimes.
He insists the squirrels are behind it and the whole thing wouldn't have
happened if only I would have stopped being so cheap and bought him his
damned squirrel traps. He's always got an excuse! I think we're going to have
to get a new chief of security. He has slacked off before, but this takes the
cake!
I don't quite know what to do right now so I'll use my favorite strategy.
I'll sit down pop a few beers and give it some deep thought.

And so It Ends: This Week's Garden Report, Nov 2002

Things are starting to wind down in the garden. The Mums are putting on a
show that was hardly expected early in the season. The late spring freeze set
them way back at first but they really fought back with a vengeance.
The Iraqi squirrels seem to be in full retreat after their hideouts were cut
down. Lightning, my dog, takes credit but I think the squirrels knew we were on to
them and just moved their base of operations to Rita’s yard. We may have to
plan an invasion. Replacement trees have been installed to replace the recent
losses. Ma popped for a big Blaze Maple out front. I picked up a Bald Cypress
and a River Birch for out back.
The fall colors this year are spectacular. The burning bushes are just
blazing away. The red maple is ridiculously red. Even the Bald Cypress has
turned bright yellow. In fact trees throughout the neighborhood are doing it
right this year. Last year was a real bust; the trees just turned brown and
went dormant. Last fall was a bummer in a lot of ways.
The fall cleanup is going well, all the slacker annuals have been removed,
the whole bunch of ’em were a waste of money. The garden centers have been
scoured for deals and many new players have been recruited. Maybe next year I
won’t even need any annuals.
It’s gitten’ ta be time to pass out awards for this year. The comeback
player of the year has got to be the Purple Asters. I put them down into the
minors 2 years ago, last year I don’t even remember seeing them. They seem to
have been inspired by the Mums this year and are putting on quite a show out
there.
Most valuable Plant without a doubt is the Shasta daisy. It isn’t really
one daisy; there’s a couple hundred now, but they all came from one plant.
This plants ability to bloom just when you need flowers the most in mid to
late summer is a lifesaver. There are too many plants that bloom in spring or
fall but slack -off in the dog days of summer. When it’s hotter than hell
out, the mosquitoes are biting and everything else in the garden is wilting
and drying up, when you really need some eye candy, the Shasta come through
year after year. No maintenance, they just grow like weeds and bloom from
early August till late Sept. I have never paid this plant the respect it is
owed.
Rookie of the year goes to the Japanese ferns. Although the fern garden has
done well year in, year out there has not been much excitement in that corner
for awhile. The Japanese fern adds a little contrast and appears to be
getting along well with the other players
One last bit of good news is the birds are back. Things were looking real
good for the bird population in the garden at the start of the season. The
birdhouses were turning into bird factories. Some of them horny little devils
raised 2 or 3 families before the West Nile came around. By mid-July it was
like something out of a Rachael Carson book out there. The crows and jays
disappeared first, not long after all the sparrows, starlings, finches and
just about everything else were gone. I realize that they are just migrating
through now but maybe they will find the accommodations to their liking and
come back next spring.

Iraqi Squirrel Infiltration: This Week's Garden Report, Oct 2002

The garden was in turmoil all week after it was discovered that three
previously healthy forsythia bushes had suddenly died. Foul play is
suspected. Lightning, my dog, of course blames the squirrels. I suspect the Iraqis.
There is the possibility that we could both be right and we’re dealing with
Iraqi squirrels. Probably planted here by Saddam himself. My guess is at some
pre-set time they will chew through the electrical and phone lines running
through our back yard causing major problems in McHenry county's ability to
help your president if he should go to war with Iraq. They were probably
chewing through the forsythia just to keep their teeth in shape. I sent my
little fuzzy friend out to haul one in for questioning and he actually caught
one. Unfortunately he decided to rough up the suspect before bringing him in
and Velma (my aunt) hollered at him and he let the suspect go. I just now have started
wondering if maybe Velma might be in cahoots with the Iraqis? I’ll have
Lightning talk to her tomorrow.
Luckily, management was ready for just this sort of emergency. There were
three very good replacement forsythias, sitting in the Rita reserve (Rita is my neighbor), just
waiting for their chance to break into the lineup. They’ve been successfully
installed and next year no one will be able to see any difference. Saddam has
been foiled again.
In an attempt to deprive the Iraqi squirrels of cover, three major trees
have been cut down in the garden. The Rita Reserve, Wayne's (neighbor behind the house) World and Bill &
Harriet’s (neighbors two doors down) yard also had major de-forestation programs enacted. Now to get
around the little furry tailed terrorists have to expose themselves on the
ground. My little fuzzy security officer claims it’s only a matter of time
now before he has them all under control. I’ll believe it when I see it.

Summer of Surprise: This Week's Garden Report, Sep 2002

Since this is the first garden report of the season, this weeks garden
report is actually this summer's garden report.
The season started out with a lot of promise. Coming off a fair season last
year, a lot of good players were already in position at the start of the
year. Last falls recruiting drive at the local garden centers picked up a lot
of promising new players at bargain prices. October is the time to go garden
shopping!
I started the season off with a surprise weeding that caught the whole
garden by off guard. One of the best weedings I've ever done. I haven't had
to do more than a little touch up here or there since. At the same time I got
rid of a lot of plants that just weren't pulling their weight out there. No
show you get the Hoe! Many plants were sent down to the minors (Rita's yard)
where I will give them time to develop.
A late freeze in May reeked havoc with the ferns. They were coming up better
than ever and the freeze stunted the shit out of 'em. It also sent me
scurrying over to Flowerwood for emergency replacement annuals.
There was some tragedy in the Garden this year. After several mediocre
seasons I threatened to send the Rhododendron down the minors If it had
another bad year. Well, it had a bad year and did not even wait for me to
take action, apparently it committed suicide. That plant did have some
spectacular years early on, but even in the best of times it's season was
over by mid June, just like the Cubs.
Last years Most Valuable Plant, the Mutant Clematis, did absolutely nothing
this year, a couple of blooms in July and that's it. That overfertalized
primadona better watch out because I've got my eye on some fall blooming
Clematis over at Flowerwood, It just might wake up in Rita's yard next
spring. That'll learn 'im.
The new bushes I picked up last fall have been doing good, except they seem
to be the favorite food of this years newest pest, Japanese beetles. Those
voracious little slant eyed devils let the bushes grow for a couple a weeks
and then stop by and chew the shit out of 'em. They've learned to do this on
a regular cycle. I think they're still pissed off about Hiroshima.
The Day Lilies and the Asian Lilies got together and bloomed at the same
time this year. They put on quiet a show but only for about a week. They
should have gone from mid June well into July. I suspect the bunch of
crybabies will use the drought as an excuse.
One of the highlights this year has been the Shasta daisies. Started
blooming in early August and are still going strong as I write. Definitely a
strong candidate for Most Valuable Plant this season. Another contender is
the Japanese ferns I picked up last fall. They look nice, grow like weeds and
were not damaged by the late May freeze we had. Definitely a candidate for
MVP or maybe rookie of the year.

And So it Begins: This Week's Garden Report, Apr 2002

This weeks garden report.

The garden is starting the season on a bad note. Apparently the daffodils
and Jonquils were showing a little cowardice about blooming this year, they
had buds on them for about three weeks but would not bloom because of the
late cold. I finally went out there and thumbed thru my Holland bulb catalog
right in front of them. I then took out my weed wacker and started to clean
and oil it in front of the filthy cowards. I put on a quick demonstration
with a few weeds and explained to every flower in the garden that's what's
going to happen to any non-performers this year. They got the hint! The
daffodils, Jonquils, Forsythias, Heather, Myrtle and a few plants I can't
even identify were blooming like crazy the next morning! Even the maple tree
started to flower! I realize this may sound a little harsh, but I feel I must
maintain discipline out there right from the start or risk another mediocre
season.